After a long running series of crises I realized that I needed to take control of my feelings as an empathetic person. I understand that feeling the feelings of others has been very toxic and defeating for me. But, I’ve never thought deeply enough about having options when I am bombarded by other people’s emotional traumas. Can you relate?
Empathy is a gift. Not everyone has it. And for many who do they’d rather not have it. Empathy when used appropriately is meant to be very life giving and refreshing. It is like a life line that can be thrown from one human to another to help give clarity in the midst of struggle. But, sometimes as empathic people we find ourselves caught in a vicious cycle of throwing life lines to people who don’t want them. You read that right. Some people want to drown. It’s part of our brokenness. And, when we are constantly tossing life lines our arms get tired. See where I’m going with this? At some point we will run out of life lines if we toss all we have. And, then what’s left for us? What’s left for the people in our lives who would readily grab a hold of the line we throw them? At some point as an empathic person we are faced with the decision of helping at the cost of our own sanity or closing ourselves off in an effort to preserve ourselves. We find ourselves exhausted, disillusioned, disappointed, and not helping anyone.
I’ve been describing to my friends the situation I have found myself in as an inundation of unrelenting crises. I’ve felt out of touch with reality due to a deep sense of despair because the life lines I’ve thrown have been despised. And so as a business person, a friend, an aunt, a daughter, and all the other roles that make up my life I’ve had to cover over the trauma I’m experiencing in order to not be seen as out of control and sad as I really have been. Have you experienced this pressure? There are consequences for weakness am I right? If I’m too tired or unwell to work I lose business. If I’m too tired or unwell my relationships become strained. Then comes the pressure from the loss of business and strained relationships and so there is a cruel momentum that builds. And, at the root of all of this is this seeming libelous nature we have of feeling deeply. It’s time to take back our power. It’s time to protect our gift. If we are to thrive and use our gift of empathy to make the world a better place we have to stop ignoring and glossing over our conscience that is screaming at us because we are prioritizing everyone but ourselves. I am worth my own priority. You are worth your own priority.
On the element of fire. As a metaphor and in a lot of proverbial talk fire is often used to describe crisis and devastation. You might hear someone say they are, “going through the fire.” As I read about this foundational element I understood the principal that fire essentially brings back to the beginning all material matter to it’s basic element. Can you remember who you were before the fire? Do you remember having a particular vibrance or degree of focus that you simply do not have now? Can you attribute the loss of vibrance and focus to the pressures that surround you? If fire brings back to the beginning all material matter to it’s basic element then that means it has the power to return us to our core. It can serve to bring us back to who we were before the crises. I don’t know about you but I liked myself better before I became divvied out to people who didn’t value me or my offer of help.
It has occurred to me that with everything burned down to the ground around me it is then that I can begin to discover that which is waiting to be created. It is when the soil is blackened by seeming destruction that it finds the nourishment and clarity for new life to spring forth from it. Out of blackened soil and ashes sprouts of green renewal come. There is a poignant contrast that death serves and life serves death which ultimately serves life. Feel free to read that again. Fire is the energetic fuel that burns the way for new growth and new expressions of life to happen.
The questions I’ve asked myself this morning and that I hope you will ask yourself particularly if you are an empathic mess is this? Do I believe in my passions or am I sabotaging myself by spending all my best energy on rescuing others because I do not value myself the way I should? What passions when fueled properly in me burn the brightest? What is the fuel or passion that burns the cleanest in me? Remember our bodies can function on junk food and health food. When we are burning dirty fuel we may be going but we won’t be going far or feeling well while we are journeying. What passion causes me to burn cleaner and longer?
For me that passion is self-expression. It is in expressing myself that I feel a sense of freedom, confidence and a restoration of what has been stolen from me by fear. Today I am meditating on fire and as I survey the blackened earth around me I look eagerly for the green and tender shoots of a potential life I may not have gotten to experience had it not been for the fire. The soil of my life is at peak perfection because of the burn. With all things lost and the ground cleared I can with great expectation imagine what lies beneath that has been waiting to be created.
The Catalyst 
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