Isaiah 53:7 He was oppressed and afflicted, yet he did not open his mouth; he was led like a lamb to the slaughter, and as a sheep before its shearers is silent, so he did not open his mouth.
Romans 8:35-36
Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? 36 As it is written:
“For your sake we face death all day long;
we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered.”
Ecclesiastes 3:1,7- To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven: ….a time to keep silence and a time to speak.
Jesus. My favorite wisdom Teacher. One of my all time favorite qualities about Jesus was “how” He demonstrated wisdom. Why? Because His wisdom was always illogical. His wisdom was countercultural. His wisdom operated illegally. By law He was guilty of breaking the law of sabbath. So what happened in this moment of lawlessness that made Him guilty? He cured someone. Healed a woman who had been crippled in her back for 18 years. I mean….it had gone on 18 years I’m sure it could’ve waited till it wasn’t the Sabbath day right?? But Jesus demonstrated that taking care of His fellow human was more important than what religion said He should or should not be doing with His life. Let’s take it a step further shall we? A human of whom was whispered to be the very Son of YHWH. YHWH in human form if you will. So the question would be: “If this man believes Himself to be the very Son of YHWH then why is He breaking YHWH’s laws?” That fruit don’t line up does it? Or…does it?
This is a very elementary example but I honestly don’t believe if I used any of the more complex instances that this post would be palatable or perceivable. Heck it probably won’t be anyway. And, this is where I want to segue into the wisdom and time of silence.
From the mainstream universally acceptable accounts of Jesus’ life He doesn’t come across as either chatty or quiet. He spoke tenderly to the impoverished masses and to the demon possessed and to His own protege. But, more often than not when he would speak to His fellow religious leaders His words were cunning and terse. And, at least in one instance His voice was raised as He wreaked havoc in the temple. It cut Him to His core to see what course religious practices had run. It was alarming to Him. It was infuriating to Him. But, to the earnest devotees of the temple His actions were completely out of order. Why? The fact that their routines and their doctrines produced what He saw in the temple….was lost on them. It did not occur to them that what they were doing as regular attendees was actually disgusting.
The people were so careful to tithe even their kitchen herbs!! They would bring a tenth of all their mint, cumin, dill, etc. But they would neglect the more important issues. Issues like, “Love your neighbor as yourself.” Like, don’t give me your herbs, your doves, your sacrifices, your harvests…..SHOW ME you LOVING YOUR FELLOW HUMAN and PREFERRING YOUR FELLOW HUMAN as BETTER THAN YOURSELF. THAT is what He wanted to see! To hell with the herbs. What about the humans?? What about the cruel idiocy of religion to restrict and then penalize even Jesus for curing another human all because it was done “on the wrong day.”
He said something to the effect of, “you tithe your herbs and mint and cumin but you neglect the weightier matters of the law.” Basically, you strain at gnats but swallow camels! Or you nitpick about things that aren’t as important as other things but when it comes to the big things you just miss it all the way around. Examples of this would be Christian extremist groups who decry women preachers. They spend money, time, prayer, fasting, warning, admonishing, preaching against, speaking out on social media against women preachers and they invest themselves into proving someone wrong rather than focusing on the weightier matter. What is that matter? Loving others the way they themselves want to be loved. God’s love is robust. So, when I hear people say, “Love the person hate the sin.” I want to vomit. Am I saying God loves sin? Nope. I am saying that God’s love is all encompassing. Enveloping. And….it is not dualistic.
I was once part of mainstream, evangelical Christianity. I grew up as a Jehovah’s witness. At the age of 12 my cousin took me to a Pentecostal Church and I FELL IN LOVE with the atmosphere of worship and preaching. When I heard and felt what I heard and felt in that service I knew when I got older that’s all I wanted for my life. Well. God works in mysterious ways doesn’t He? So as an adult I got into church and it was evident to the elders and pastor that I had a gift to preach and expound the Bible. Long story short I spent many years pastoring and evangelizing. Assistant Pastor and holding revivals and doing conferences. I made hospital visits at all hours of the night. I’ve attended and been a part of exorcisms. And, laid hands on and prayed for more people than I can count. Additionally, I pursued a Bachelor’s degree in Bible at Lee University with the intentions of going on to seminary.
As my ministry grew my (now ex) husband shrank back and became completely disinterested in church. He despised that I was preaching and praying and worshipping. He gave me an ultimatum. Give up my dream of preaching, speaking and teaching and go into full time real estate…or else. So, I dropped my dream because obviously my marriage was more important to God than what He had called me to do from the foundation of the world. It was the right religious wife thing to do. And. I was bloody miserable. I told him that if I did this it would negatively effect our marriage. But, he insisted. He was greedy. I desperately didn’t want to quit so I tried working 2 full time jobs. Ministry and real estate. Staying at the office till 11 pm so many nights. Crying over deals with issues that had nothing to do with me yet I caught the brunt of the anger of it because I was their agent and it was a reflection on me. Then I’d leave and respond to hospital calls from members of the church who were sick or in accidents. Then I’d prepare my sermons and preach the next morning. It was like this for a year or more and I broke. I had nothing at home in the way of comfort. My husband was very stoic, harsh and rarely showed me the affection due a wife. When I came home I needed a safe haven and there was none save solitude. So I stayed in the bedroom and prayed through the pangs of guilt for working so much and resigning from the church.
Long story short I left him. I was miserable. He was mean. And, the trauma of 17 years of mental, emotional and verbal abuse broke my spirit. I never cried after I left. You see I had mourned and grieved my marriage many years before it was over. To this day I don’t know if I’m just so wounded that I’m numb and can’t feel bad about leaving or if I just properly and thoroughly grieved it and I am genuinely ok.
Now, here I was a former pastor and evangelist and divorcee’. I needed a break from church because I was mad at God for not making my husband a better person. I was mad because in spite of all the tears, praying, fasting, and gut-wrenching pleading to change myself so I could be more acceptable to my husband….NOTHING changed. I felt like God left me hanging.
So, I took a hiatus from the church. I thought perhaps after I had healed I could start visiting again to find a new home church and get back in an atmosphere of worship. Worship is my big thing. I am a worshipper through and through. And, I missed that more than anything or anyone else.
Years later I finally decided to start visiting. Found a few places I liked and felt comfortable at and then…..TRUMP happened. And my previously tender hearted “non-political” friends who refused to vote suddenly started literally singing his praises and making short-sighted dogmatic statements that basically say, “if you aren’t republican then you are not of God.” This is their belief system. I found it repulsive and very eye-opening. It was a catalystic moment for me. Why did I find it very eye-opening? Why did I find their actions to be a catalyst for my life? For the same reasons Jesus found religion and the religiously devoted to be repulsive and blind. I’ll give it to you in the Words and Thoughts of my Rabbi from an account in the Gospel of John 2:23-25 in the Amplified version (which is extremely accurate. Way more accurate than King James Version since it is a direct translation from original manuscripts rather than a translation of other translations fit for the English language.
“Now when He was in Jerusalem at the Passover feast, many believed in His name [identifying themselves with Him] after seeing His signs (attesting miracles) which He was doing. 24 But Jesus, for His part, did not entrust Himself to them, because He knew all people [and understood the superficiality and fickleness of human nature], 25 and He did not need anyone to testify concerning man [and human nature], for He Himself knew what was in man [in their hearts—in the very core of their being].
Jesus knew that He could not entrust Himself to certain people because He knew what was “in them.” Their fickle nature and short-sightedness and ego and craftily obscured hate via what we now know as id.
I know that I cannot entrust my light. I cannot entrust my enlightenment to just anyone. I cannot entrust certain layers and complexities of myself to most people. I suspect that just this post alone will be enough to cause feelings of grief, anger, confusion, disillusionment and disappointment. But, I am unapologetically me. I am unapologetically enlightened. That’s not something I can back down from.
God told me years ago that I would be like a city on a hill. I know this to be true. He also gave me Isaiah 54 and promised that all my (spiritual) offspring will be taught by YHWH Himself.
So in God’s wisdom guess what I’m going to do with that. I’m not gonna hide my light, per se. But, probably to the great relief of many who read this….I will retreat and run away with it. Why? Because for me…it is a season of silence. I have lost all desire to engage in or debate or to even have light exchange when it comes to “how” authentic Christianity is expressed. I just know what we are seeing now by and large, is not it.
I have very little to say about the current state of our world and politics and communities and churches and religions. Why? Because my words do not matter. All that matters right now is silence. And that silence is wisdom and wisdom will be proven right by her offspring.
Everyday I feel like I face a form of death. The death of my ego and super-ego and id. The death of my mental health as I hear about the rampant state of Covid. The death of my emotional health as I scroll through my feed and see Christian friends pronouncing people who aren’t like them as damned to hell, not of God, deceived or otherwise separated from God due to their lifestyle or behavior not lining up with the Word! Well guess what??? When Jesus healed that person on the sabbath….The WORD HIMSELF DIDN’T EVEN LINE UP WITH THE WORD!! (Torah).
We have got to get over ourselves and remove these self-installed mantles of morality and do the real work. The authentic work of faith. I ain’t even gonna outline what I think that is. Why? Because it’s time people of faith have their brains exercised by open-ended questions rather closed-ended dogmas.
Maranatha,
Cozett
The Catalyst 