The last several days have brought unanticipated answers to some of my deepest questions about my own life.

1. Why am I here?
2. Where is my place in this world? Do I even belong or have a place?

I’ve always felt like an outsider. I carry this sort of grappling, grasping, yet avoiding and obsessive energy. As an aspiring psychologist and one who has had a very traumatized life I am peculiarly and acutely self-aware.

Since I was 29 years old I began having panic episodes during my sleep. I would wake up with a dangerously high heart rate. After much testing (because I had health insurance at the time) the conclusion was sleep apnea. Which I agree with. BUT.

My body has been sending me messages for a long time that I haven’t been able to interpret properly until now. And this seemingly sudden ability to switch from being confused and frustrated to some “aha” moments I have discovered some things that have changed my life.

Initially, I suspected that I was having actual panic attacks in my sleep. And now I’ve discovered that is true!

When we sleep our body decompresses, our liver kicks into high gear and detoxes us, and we begin to recover from oxidative stress. When we sleep our bodies are extremely efficient about getting us recovered from pressure.

So, what was my problem? I am an extremely sensitive person. If you feel something…I can feel you….feeling and experiencing it. And my psyche interprets that as my own feelings. This in addition to my own energetic experiences. Needless to say I get overwhelmed easily. I am the classic, stereotypical introvert, INFJ, Piscean personality. And because of my childhood I have an avoidant attachment style. I can never get too close to someone without eventually shutting down to drown out all of their energetic experiences. I’m like a sponge. And, it hasn’t felt good to be in my body for most of my life.

In my deepest sleep I was decompressing super fast and as a result my body offloading the stress so quickly kinda put me in a tailspin.

And that’s where I’m at today! The last 2 years as many of you now know were nothing short of horrific and traumatizing for me. And, finally after having been so tense and upset for such a long period of time I’m finding myself struggling with panic disorder again because I’ve gotten a bit of a respite. I’ve been decompressing. Fast. So many GOOD THINGS coming toward me right now…and I feel like absolute crap. I have qualms about being able to receive all of it. BUT, because these things I’m receiving are literally life-long dreams of mine I’m pushing myself to be positioned mentally, physically and emotionally to enjoy! And honestly it feels traumatic and scary. There is a disconnect that I’m wrestling with. How is it possible that my body reacts so negatively to answered prayers and having my heart’s desires?

I’m trying so hard to learn to listen to my body. As I awoke the last 2 days I have done so with a lot of full body pain, stiffness, and adrenaline. My first thought this morning was, “wow. What a way to start my day.”

But, then it occurred to me….yes, this is the best way to start my day. I’m starting my day by being presented with an opportunity to listen to the MOST ancient and subtle wisdom that exists. And that is the innate wisdom of the human body. It goes far beyond the surface of “uh I’m getting older and not feeling good.” Our bodies are ABLE TO COMMUNICATE so much more than just, “ouch, or yuck I don’t feel good.” It can actually tell us why and what the best course of action is to get back into homeostasis.

So, now instead of being disappointed in my body and scolding it for not feeling reliable I have transmuted that negative reaction. I stand in awe and gratitude that my body has the ability to inform me and educate me on what it needs. This is all vibrational you see. It’s all a matter of energetics. Frequencies.

Did you know our nervous system generates enough electricity to power the city of Chattanooga for 30 days??! What do you think happens when that electricity isn’t grounded?? What do you think your potential could be if you could focus and direct all that power in ways that sustain and nourish you? (Here is where I cannot recommend highly enough vitalistic chiropractors.)

We are all “live wires.” Spirit, breath, flesh, bone, blood, miles upon miles of veins, capillaries and…yes, electricity. 🤷🏼‍♀️

So my question to you today is, “how are you feeling?” “Are you aware of your own vibrations and currents and frequencies?” Do you ever feel like your body is working against your mind and is unreliable? If so…don’t punish it by thinking toxic thoughts about it and shaming it or being disappointed in it. It just wants you to listen!! Lean in and listen to the sound of your own heartbeat. Talk to your organs, joints, muscles and tell them how proud you are of them and see if you don’t feel those areas of your body warm as though smiling.

If your body and mind feel scattered check in and ask it questions that you feel led to ask it. Those answers will come when you open to the fact that every cell within you has a frequency. A vibration. And that frequency and vibration is the foundation of ALL forms of communication. So learn to listen like an old friend and a compassionate counselor to your body. Hold space for it to give you the answers you need about what’s troubling you.

Since this discovery is so new for me I have a lot of work to do to create cohesion between my body and mind. I’ve had a war on my hands for years. But, finally I feel like I now have at least a portion of the owner’s manual to this skin suit. Some directions. Knowledge is power am I right??

So what do I do now that I have the answers I’ve been searching for AND the impending blessings I’ve longed for all my life…at the same time??

I become the master alchemist. I know beyond a doubt that with the information my body has given me over the last few days I can take that and through meditation and the power of my own breath I can transmute the harsh, rattled energy of a traumatized mind into the very catalyst I needed to position me to receive ALL that God has for me.

Pray for me in the days ahead?

Here’s to healing,
Cozett…

#healingtrauma #myjourney #cozettcontemplates #MindBodyConnection #mindbodycohesion