Turkiye

It’s 3:51 am…and I just wanna be in Turkey.  I’m curled up under my weighted blanket and have my lamp on dim.  My eyes are fixed on the large world map I just put on my wall and my newly updated vision board.

My vision board is too personal to show.  But, if you could see it you would see pics of the Turkish flag  and the bright blue water of the Mediterranean. 

In my mind’s eye I see me walking down the shore just before sunset.  Feeling the fine gravel and tiny rocks of the earthy beach.  I’m looking out over the ocean dreaming big about what’s on its way to me.

The work I want to do there.  It would be enough for me to sit alone on the beach or in some restaurant.  Just to feel the vibration of the culture.   The people.   Even if I don’t “know” them…I somehow know them.  The thrill of simple and honest observation of the buzz of life there is a source of endless curiosity for me.

The pitch and tone of their language is so beautiful.   It has a cadence that rings of innocence and purity.  The way they carry themselves, their mannerisms, gestures, facial expressions reveal a peculiar inner radiance.
The way they interact with their children is awe-inspiring.  There is a depth of uninhibited warmth and reverence for children there.  Even when there are public announcements being made it was never a generic, “ladies and gentlemen we will be landing soon…or ladies and genetleman please enjoy the entertainment….”  It was always, “Ladies and gentleman and DEAR children….”

Children are always included in their announcements.  As someone who suffered a traumatic childhood I LOVE that they feel it important to directly address little ones to keep them informed and make them feel safe and included. 

Right now I long to be in some city center there.  Perhaps sitting on a park bench across from a mosque .  Taking in the opulent and unique and ancient architecture.  Observing their going in and coming out and tapping into their energy to see if I can feel if they had some profound spiritual experience.

As an American who has lived my entire life in the Bible belt but also acutely aware that my faith has its roots in Turkey…I have to say the Muslim call to prayer fills me with a deep sense of stillness that makes me feel immediately and instantly grounded and centered.  It never fails that I am covered in chills and struggle to keep tears in check when I hear it.  The sound overwhelms me and makes me feel so small.  So…held by the large unseen force I know as God.  I feel enveloped and absorbed into something bigger than myself.  Something mysterious.  Something grander than my own my aspirations. 

I can feel the robust and rolling vibrato on my skin.  I feel it within as well.  At my core.   The resonance seems to shift things inside me. 

I don’t know what the future holds for me there.  I just know that when my feet touched the earth there I felt like I was at home and was going to be there many more times.  I felt a sense of purpose.  Dignity.  Ambition.  Hope. Inspiration.  I felt these things more deeply than I ever have.  I felt truly alive.

The ripple effect is proving to be a lasting one.  My toes are still painted with the Turkish flag as my pedicure is still good.  Soon it will fade.  But for now everytime I’ve looked at my feet since I’ve been home I get this metaphorical lesson that my feet….belong on Turkish ground. 

I won’t be happy until I can feel the earth and sand that is Turkish land sifting between my toes and leaving grit around my nail beds. It’s not enough for me to be some happy tourist.  I have a work to be done there.  I don’t know what it is. I just know it calls to me day and night.  I see it in my dreams and wake up thinking I’m still there only to look out my window and see that I’m still in my little healing haven on a Red Bank cul-de-sac. I love Red Bank.  I love Tennessee.  I love the beauty of the south here.  It’s my springboard and contrast that has led me to pursue and embrace some of my wildest dreams.

From Tennessee to Turkey…who’d have thought?  I think my soul always knew though.  And not just Turkey but the continents it graces.  It is not just a bridge between two continents for me.  But, a bridge between worlds.  A bridge between realms.  A passage between 3D and 5D.  A unique trail marked just for me. Harrowing and heartening all at the same time.  Beautiful and bittersweet as it’s a line of demarcation marking the moment of one of the greatest transformations of my life.  A chaotic catalyst that will never allow me to go back to the way things were.  I can never be the same woman I was before I left.  Coming back onto US soil I stepped out into the humidity of a southern night on the 4th of July and realized I was having my own personal independence day of sorts. I’d broken free from the tyranny of trauma.  I’d emancipated myself.  I stepped into the woman I always hoped I’d become.  One who had traveled alone and against the odds.  There was literally NOTHING in my reality that could have indicated I could successfully pull that trip off.  There was plenty of uncertainty and unknowns and fear based illusions that could have held me back.

But I chose to jump into the chasm.  I assaulted the abyss of aberration.   I dove into the hands of the cosmos and tasked the universe to catch me before I hit bottom or came to a tragic end.  And it did just that.

It’s like I experienced zero gravity after my jump.  I never went down.  Only up.  It was disorienting because suddenly reality wasn’t playing by the rules.   Things were turning out far better than I could have dreamed.  Where I should have fallen I rose.  Where I should have stumbled I lifted off the ground and flew.  Where I should have ran…I paused and allowed myself to have all the overwhelming sensory experiences that would have ordinarily put me in bed for a week to recover from.

It was like time stood still.  Like I had cracked the code to the matrix.   I began bending my reality and smithing it.  In my hand a hammer and at my feet an anvil.  In between was my destiny with lots of heat and fire.  The force of my blows shaping it intentionally.  Shaping me and my own humanity.  My spirit.   My essence.  With skillful tongs I kept repositioning until all sides had received the proper amount of blows.  And then what emerged from the fire and all the beating took me aback.  What I witnessed forever changed the way I perceive myself.

Turkey, I promise I’ll be back.  I promise I will dedicate some of the best of my life’s energy to exploring you.  It feels as though we’re both excited about that.

Cheers to the glory that is you.

Love,
Cozett

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