Silent Retreat Please

As I’m lying here with heavy eyes I find myself longing to escape to some prolonged silent retreat. It’s a soul’s longing. Deep. Not quite guttural but definitely gritty.

At this time I feel like I want to take a solid 90 days in silence. No TV, phone, etc. Just me and the void. I feel like unless I can get into this kind of setting I’m always going to feel void on the inside. Like I have to create a larger more spacious void outside of the smaller void that is within me. It seems a larger and exterior void would be able to absorb the void within me…and essentially rid me of it that I might be truly whole for the first time in my life.

I am so much stronger than I give myself credit for. But, it’s because I’ve been in either 1 of 2 states nearly the entirety of my life thus far. 1. Panic 2. Numbness. Fluctuating between the two. The strain to be in such constant states while fighting with everything you have on the inside to stop feeling the panic and then admonishing myself for being numb. Ugh. Like my soul was acidic.

I just feel this need to detach and reflect and just be quiet. For a very long time.

Love,

Cozett

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