Lack of sleep has been a growing crisis. Globally, since the 1970’s there has been a sharp decline in quality and duration of sleep. And, if you’re located in the U.S., the U.K., or Japan you are even less likely to be able to obtain more than 6 hours of sleep per night.

Sleep deprivation has been a factor in some of the planet’s greatest disasters. The nuclear disaster at Three Mile Island in 1979, the nuclear meltdown of Chernobyl in 1986, and the massive Exxon Valdez oil spill all had at the center of the incident…sleep deprived humans. (https://www.webmd.com/sleep-disorders/features/10-results-sleep-loss). So, why don’t we hear about that? There is a consensus amongst sleep scientists that citizens of capitalistic cultures are more prone to miss out on sleep due to the productivity demands of their jobs. Additionally, capitalistic cultures are known for “sleep machismo.” The old, “sleep when you’re dead” adage stems from this culture. Capitalism depends on 2 things: productivity and consumerism. When someone is sleeping…neither of those things are happening. And, so we find ourselves traumatized, and feeling guilty for this very necessary need. Now we even know that there are different sleep chronotypes and that we don’t get to choose whether we are a morning person or a night owl! So much has been discovered about the necessity, benefits, and genetic dispositions about sleep! But, it seems since most of us are sleep deprived and zombified we aren’t getting the education we need to experience better sleep. Our minds are numbed out and we are losing touch with the voice of our biological rhythms.

Because I had a childhood filled with frequent trauma, one way that my precious mamaw cared for me was by protecting my sleep. She knew if I was asleep I was healing from the stress and pain that constantly swirled around me. She knew if I was asleep, I was safe, and I was comfortable. However, all of this changed at the age of 18 for me. I graduated high school and moved to a larger city where I met my now, ex-husband. In retrospect I now understand that he was the morning person chronotype. But, for seventeen years I was railed at because I couldn’t get up early and hold an 8 am to 5 pm job. He constantly berated me and called me lazy even though I could wake up and work 12 pm to 12 am and essentially put in more hours than he did. Because I couldn’t wake when he did he felt I lacked ambition and motivation and wasn’t pulling my weight for our financial well-being. I want to note here that it was me, all on my own, who bought our first house, it was me who paid off his truck early, it was me who worked a full-time job, a side job, and did public speaking twice a week. All of this was simply because I couldn’t wake up early and he could.

I thought perhaps once I left him that I would finally be able to sleep without fear of being berated or criticized. But, after seventeen years a neural circuit had definitely formed. As I write this I’m struggling with the idea of going to bed (I left him 7 years ago and I’m still struggling with fear). I’ve been in therapy and doing neural integration for 5 years now and I’ve healed so much more than I ever thought I could. And now I’m finally to a place where I can focus on my sleep.

As my mind has pondered going to bed I’ve noticed a pattern with myself. I always feel this last minute “push” of sorts to work and not allow myself to get drowsy when it comes time for bed. So tonight I’ve decided to sit with the feeling rather and ask it questions rather than get up and go on a cleaning spree or “crank out” content. This is content I guess, but it’s also a journal entry, a therapeutic release that I hope will help me…go to bed and fall asleep.

As I’ve focused on this feeling of doing trying to push myself when it gets bedtime I’ve been able to hone in on the specific motivation behind the feeling and that is the motivation to feel…resolve. I need to feel I’ve resolved problems before I allow myself to get totally still. I find myself thinking, “there’s at least one more thing I need to do or think through before I call it a day.” Yet I lie in bed and try to solve problems until I at some incoherent point switch off. But, even then I feel like I’m too aware. Like I’m not totally asleep. I’m still somewhat alert.

My goal is to work on this need to be alert. This need to find resolve. Maybe this is what you need to?

All I know is that I’m not alone. I know that 6 hours or less is NOT enough for my body and mind. I am so ready to recondition myself. I am ready for a sleep revolution.

What about you?

Yours in the dreamscape,

Cozett