Cozett Contemplates the undreamed…
As far back as I can remember self-inquiry has been one of the most powerful trailblazing tools I’ve ever utilized.
Everyday we move through our thought lives and external routines by our subconscious assessment of a predictable future & a well-rehearsed past.
Maybe we’ve been on our jobs 15 years and in the back of our mind we know we will get the opportunity to retire soon. Or, perhaps we have always been unlucky in love and based on our previous patterns it looks only logical that our future will likely not include the partner we want.
Now, let’s talk about how we dare to dream…anyway.
In spite of our predictable future and the likelihoods that seem will inevitably play out as our path unfolds it is only human nature to hope for better. To dream for more. To want more even if it doesn’t seem that “more” can happen for us.
My question to myself today…and to you…is “what have I not dreamed of yet?”
If you have a vision board or practice affirmations then you likely have at least a vague picture of what your ultimate desires are.
But, what about exploring the “undreamed?”
Here I’ll talk about what I’m including into the big picture of what I know myself to be gravitating toward.
First, I have to acknowledge Margo Holder for the words of not just wisdom but adventure that she has always said to me when I’ve catastrophized about my life. Those words, “anything can happen.” The very essence of this concept is rooted in the quantum field of endless potential. Meaning it is entirely scientifically, mentally, emotionally, and realistically appropriate to BELIEVE THE BEST
& to open wide your nervous system to the exhilaration that can only be found in the willingness to indulge in adventure.
Things I’ve dreamed of:
1. Financial security that enables me to create multiple humanitarian organizations.
2. Wealth without work
3. Love without effort
4. Travel without restraint or restriction
I put absolutely NO cap on how outrageously above and beyond these particular things can be fulfilled. Multiple humanitarian organizations?? That’s likely going to be too small in comparison as to how that dream actually comes true.
I have become granular in my focus on how I want my life to look going forward.
But, what have I not dreamed of yet? What part of the human spectrum has my imagination not wandered yet?
It is the undreamed that I’m looking for today. The undreamed is ultimate human potential.
Just the thought of that inspires me. Just the thought of the undreamed…stirs up and engages my emotions. Emotions are the perfect catalyst. Emotions are the most raw, organic manifestation tools humanity posseses.
By the end of the day today I will have a list of new, fresh dreams I’ve not thought of yet. By the end of the day I will have expanded my vision. By the end of this day I will be gravitating toward “a new newness.” I will be moving into a more exotic, happier experience.
What about you? Of course you know what your predictable future is. Of course you know overall what you hope for your life.
But, tell me…what have you NOT dreamed of yet?
I really want to know.
Yours in the dreamscape,
Cozett Dunn
#cozettcontemplates #whatdreamsmaycome #dream #dreamitintoexistence #quantumfield #humanpotential #dreambigger #explore #travel #love
Your expansion is the goal of the Universe.
What I’m about to tell you will hopefully yield many “aha” moments for you. My hope for this post is that it will make certain things, “click” for you in your pursuit of understanding yourself and your situations better.
The cosmos, our universe is like an etheric womb. It consists of many dimensions, materials found on earth and not on earth. Outside of our atmosphere certain laws that keep life as we know it going no longer exist. Gravity being one of those things. The universe is weird and wild place once you break through the atmosphere of earth. We imagine it contains “alien life” or various cosmic races. It is the inspiration for doomsday movies, extraterrestrial thrillers, scientific documentaries, poetry, art, and our imaginations simply run wild when we think about “what could be out there.”
But, one thing is imperative when it comes to our understanding of the universe. If we know nothing else, we need to understand this. And, that is that the universe is expanding. There is so much we don’t know about it. But, one thing is for sure regardless of what it contains it is STILL making space. That is it’s nature. It is ontologically expanding. If I could describe the universe in just a few words, I would call it the, “eternal now.”
Our most current scientific measurements about the rate of it’s expansion is mind-blowing. Wanna know how fast this cosmic womb is expanding?? It is expanding at about 45 miles per second. Sit with that. What does that mean? What are the implications of that for such a finite being as yourself? What is the implication of this expansion in light of your life? Your perspective? Your understanding of the people and world around you? Are you expanding? If you’re not….you should be. If you’re not….you’re really just resisting something that is inevitable. Whether you like it or not the expansion of the universe has a direct influence on everything about you. If you are someone who doesn’t like change this message will likely be met with resistance and a daunting feeling. If you are a person who thrives on change, an adventure junkie or are into personal growth this may just be the messaged you needed to hear!
Now, I want you to think about your contrasts. Your challenges. Get them clear in the forefront of your mind before you continue reading.
Ready?
Let’s talk about the age old question that every human who has ever walked this planet has asked at one point in their existence. “Why?” “Why me?” “Why this?
If you follow any inspirational figures at all, whether they are a preacher from some sort of religion like Christianity, Islam or Judaism, or maybe they’re Hindu, or maybe they are pagan or just generally spiritually inclined, or maybe they are atheists and look at life with a singular view that is influenced by personal growth in general, outside the bounds of God or spirituality. The point here is that regardless of their contexts one message rings true from every single one of them. And, that is this. “Challenges have the potential to grow you. They have the potential to make you stronger. They can be stepping stones to increased potential and capacity.” That’s it. That’s the message. It doesn’t matter from whose mouth it comes or from what spiritual or non-spiritual context that mouth speaks from. The message is true and it is ONE thing we can ALL agree on.
So, challenges expand us. They create capacity within the space of our character, our emotions, our knowledge, our understanding, our relationships, and our overall health.
The universe will never stop expanding. It can’t even if it wanted to. As you read this the universe has already created NEW SPACE…and whether you realize it or not…part of that space is found in you. In the seconds you are reading this post.
On the path of its expansion it is unapologetic and it’s not taking any prisoners. It is unstoppable, unyielding, hurdling into its own expansion with every second that ticks by. With every blink of your eye it becomes larger.
You are part of this universe. You cannot escape it. It cannot escape you. It is part of and responsible for the essence of your being. You are energy. The first law of thermodynamics states that, “energy cannot be created or destroyed. It can only be transformed from one form to another.” In light of this you also…are the “eternal now.”
Let’s narrow our focus. Still have your challenges in mind? Good. Have you ever asked, “why me” concerning your challenges? Of course you have. Particularly if your challenges have been unfair, mysterious, repeating or chronic you have asked this question.
The universe, in it’s expansion, is not focused on any challenges. It is focused on expanding at all costs and according to it’s own pace. And because you are part of this universe you are being forced to expand. Expansion looks and feels a little different to a finite human than it does to the cosmos. Because our physical bodies are finite but our essence, our energy is not, there is an inherent contrast that we will face every moment we are in this body. It is a dichotomy. You are a walking contrast because your skin silhouette that is temporary is influenced and animated by an eternal nature. Once you shuck off the body your energy doesn’t cease because it cannot. Because of this….life as we know it can be painful.
Living in this divine contrast is oxymoronic. The eternal now flows through your temporary experience. And, this fact necessitates, precipitates and facilitates the expansion of…you.
What I want you to do once you are finished reading this is to get still, get quiet, close your eyes and regardless of any fear or misgivings you may have, I want you to bring your challenges to the front and center of your conscious awareness. Maybe your challenge is weight loss, or addiction, or chronic pain, or mental health issues, family issues, financial problems, relationship problems, etc. Bring one of those things to the front of your mind and ask yourself, “what does my weight loss challenge feel like in the amount of space it takes up within this rapidly expanding universe?” Energy takes up space. We all have a measurable magnetic field in which our energy extends. The energy of our heart can be measured 3 ft from the outside of our chest. This is why many of us get uncomfortable when strangers get in our “personal space.” It is because their strange energy has penetrated the energetic field of an organ that is highly sensitive to energy.
So, your struggle is energy (because literally everything is). And, that energy can feel so overwhelming when we focus it narrowly on the instrument that is our bodies and minds. It causes us to become hyper-focused on how the challenge makes our bodies and emotions feel and we get lost in the struggle, consumed by it because it is “pent up” within the confines our personal experience. An experience that many others cannot feel or perceive (unless they are empathic, but even then only to a certain degree). So it creates a feeling of isolation or loneliness and depending on how hard the challenge is and how long it has gone on it can even make you feel like the universe or God has painted a target on your back because you can’t seem to escape or surmount it no matter what you do.
But, if you can spend time intentionally feeling your struggle or challenge in light of the space, the universe (not your body or mind) that it exists in, then you become informed that it is not as big as you perceive it to be. It can’t be. Why? Because it exists not just within your experience but within the context of a universe that is expanding 45 ft per second. Focus on its finiteness. Its smallness in light of expansion.
In short, because the universe is expanding it is forcing you to expand as well. And because it won’t stop expanding you won’t stop experiencing the challenges that result from living in a temporary body that is animated by an infinite nature. Is the universe a sadist?? ha ha. It can certainly feel like! But, that isn’t the case. It is focused on expansion. You are part of that expansion. Your mind, body, thoughts, experiences at work, home and in or out of love will always be challenged because your essence is one with the fabric of the universe and that fabric is elastic. It stretches on forever but it doesn’t break. Your body and mind might break but even they will reorganize either through personal and spiritual growth or once you die your energy will be transformed into another form and continue its expansion in the new form.
So, God isn’t out to get you. The universe isn’t a sadist. There is a reason for your sufferings and challenges. They are meant to expand you regardless of how painful that can be.
The universe will always be about its expansion and once you can couch your challenges into the context of an “eternal now” you will experience not only a lessening of the emotional and mental intensity of how they press you but gain a sense of purpose for your suffering. Think about that. What are the implications of you overcoming once and for all, the challenges you face? Sure, you will feel better personally in many ways. But ultimately you will be expanded. That means your capacity will increase. When your capacity increases your ability to integrate suffering becomes more finely honed and skillful. And once that happens you too become like the universe. An unstoppable, outward force. If you are that then you will become a catalyst for the entire planet in the transformation of human suffering in general. And, that is a very big deal. So your suffering isn’t just about you. It’s about expansion and it’s about creating a ripple effect of peace and greater harmony in the world around you affected in the lives and hearts of your neighbors, friends and family. This is the goal of the universe. The goal of the universe is your expansion. Find what that means for you.
Yours in expansion,
Cozett Dunn
#cozettcontemplates #UniversalExpansion #personalgrowth #spiritualgrowth #motivation #mindset #suffering #challenges #TheCosmos #theuniverse
Why I Became A Travel Agent: My Spiritual Awakening Account In Istanbul Airport
THIS. This is why being a travel agent is so important and meaningful for me.
Travel literally changed my life’s trajectory in ONE trip. I left #chattanooga, #tennessee and when I landed in #istanbul#turkiye…I had a massive, highly visible spiritual awakening in the MIDDLE of Istanbul airport.
I left Chattanooga as a woman who has had over a 20 year struggle with panic disorder and when I got inside of Istanbul airport, on my way to #antalya, Turkiye….I missed my flight.
Now, if you suffer from mental health issues you likely understand how a missed flight is a huge trigger in and of itself. But, let me show you the implications of this missed flight for me and the profound change that took place in me that upgraded my life for the better.
#1. I didn’t speak Turkish and the English on the airport signs wasn’t quite clear. For example, in the restrooms there were signs about conserving trees by using electric hand dryers at the sinks. They encouraged us to limit our paper use saying, “it isn’t good for the nature.” So, it was English but it took some piecing together to fully grasp the message being conveyed. And, when you are overcome with panic your brain is fogged up from adrenaline.
#2. The airport is massive. Larger than the #atlanta#hartsfieldjackson airport. And, I’m overweight and have short legs. So getting through the airport meant I had to move super fast. But, I had no idea where the gates were because I couldn’t understand the signage. So not only was my heart rate rocketing from being in panic but from moving as quickly as I could with a heavy duffle bag that had no wheels, a CPAP machine across my shoulder, a back pack, and a fanny pack. So, here was another trigger.
#3. I had used EVERY PENNY to my name to pay for this trip. I literally had $200.00 in my bank account to last me for 10 days in Turkey. I was at an all-inclusive resort Miracle Resort Hotel so meals were included thankfully. But, can you imagine being a single woman, with panic disorder, in a foreign country where you can’t undesrtand people and they can’t understand you and you are ALONE. I was over 8,000 miles away and dialing 911 or calling a friend or family member to help me wasn’t an option.
#4. The EVIL EYE
– Turkish people believe it is bad luck to show distress. They believe it only attracts more problems. I had NO idea about this. I was walking back and forth through this massive airport, crying my eyes out and asking airport employees and strangers for help. ALL of them ran from me like I had leprosy! I thought, “what is with these people?? Why won’t they talk to me?? What about customer service??” Customer service agents were dismissing me because they didn’t want any part of my panicked energy. Here’s another trigger!
#5. One missed flight change can easily cost $200.00 or MORE and that was all the money I had. No credit cards, nothing. My ticket change cost $180.00. So I had $20.00 in case of an emergency for the next 10 days. Trigger!
#6. Depending on when I could catch another flight I wondered how long it would be and if I would have to spend the night in the airport. I had my CPAP machine on me but had left my power convertors in my luggage and again, I didn’t have enough money to buy one at the airport. I have severe central and obstructive sleep apnea. I had already gone 36 hours with NO sleep and was facing possibly not sleeping in the airport because I couldn’t use my CPAP machine. Trigger!!
#7. Shady airport employee- Finally, an airport employee had had enough of me asking him for help and walking from one end of the airport to the other crying. He came up to me and in a stern voice said, “FOLLOW ME.” I was relieved!! But, that relief was going to be temporary! He took me into some hallways where there were no people, led me back and forth through the airport, and I am certain because of him my ticket change had a tacked on fee for him because he spoke to the ticketing agent for me. The ticketing agent kept looking at him like he was asking him to do something he shouldn’t. Every time I opened my phone to call someone he would snap at me, “CLOSE IT! CLOSE IT!!” I was trying to Whatsapp someone so they could see him in case I got into trouble with him. Trigger!!
#8. At a security line- He stopped and put his hand up at me and leaned into my face and said, “I help you. Now…you help me.” He rubbed his fingers and thumb together signaling he wanted cash. I had NONE! I had $20.00 in my bank account. So, I cried and said, “I am so sorry I don’t have any money. I don’t have it. If I had it I would give it to you. I am grateful for your help. Please. I am so sorry.” Who would believe I had no money. An American doing international travel with NO money at all?? I wouldn’t have believe me either. He then led me to a counter.
#9- My heart medication- He then took me to another counter. I have no idea to this day the purpose of this counter. A lady was giving me a tag for the bags I was carrying but then the airport employee demanded that I open my duffle bag to be searched. In that bag I carried my beta blocker, Atenolol. I used it for panic disorder, and whenever I had episodes of tachycardia. He threatened to seize my medication. The lady at the counter looked at him confused. I begged, “no, this is “kalp” (heart in Turkish)” and pointed to my chest.” He finally relented and again sternly said, “FOLLOW ME!”
#10- A fated intervention- There was a young man from Marmaris, Turkey who was fluent in English. He heard me speaking English and in distress with the airport employees and came over immediately and began interpreting and telling them that was my heart medication and that they shouldn’t be searching my bags or seizing my medication. He asked me where I was going, so I told him Antalya. He said, “I’m from Marmaris and I think my gate will be near yours. I can help you.” The lady gave me a ticket (with no gate number still) and I’m not sure how he knew where to go, but he grabbed my duffle bag and said, “c’mon your gate is beside mine but we need to go quick because your flight is about to leave.” So we hustled to the gate and found a spot to sit down together. I told him I was so thankful he intervened because the male airport employee was asking me for money. The young man became very upset. He said, “this gives Turkey a bad name! People like this man! He’s terrible! He shouldn’t have done this. Please don’t think bad of Turkey because of him.” His kindness was salvific. I made my flight and that trip ended up being one of the BEST vacations I’ve ever had!
In the middle of all of these fears, with less resources for help than I’d ever had, I had to dig deep into the healing process I had been practicing 3 years prior to this trip. I had to lean into the fact that I had been doing neural integration to optimize my nervous system and increase my bandwidth for pressure and stress. I had to prove to myself that I believed the empowering words of my doctor friends back home, the words of my therapist, the philosophies I’d taken on from my favorite personal growth gurus.
I HAD NO CHOICE BUT TO BELIEVE IN MY BODY and it’s ability to be strong and not die from a heart attack or end up in a foreign hospital with panic and a racing heart. I had to believe that I had the inward power to control my mind so that my previous mental health issues wouldn’t put me in danger or ruin my trip.
This moment taught me how to connect to my body, believe in the fortitude of my mind, and embody adventure in the midst of catastrophe. This is why travel is so important to me. This is why I want to empower others to travel. I’ve not had one panic episode since this trip almost 3 years ago. I am stronger, happier, and more centered than I’ve ever been. And, I am here to help you create that reality for yourself…via travel.
Your trusty travel agent,
For travel deals, perks and insider information on travel and to sign up to my free newsletter visit: www.cozettdunn.inteletravel.com
Cozett Contemplates: Divergence
My journey is sacred. My path is unique.
Cozett Contemplates divergence…
At the end of 2022 I made a conscious decision. An agreement with the future Cozett. The woman I wish to reflect on from my death bed.
I decided that I would no longer make any decisions based on haste. I would make no decisions that would lead me away from my own happiness. Not even for a day. I’ve spent too many days (nearly 44 years worth of days) basing all I do on pouring my life’s essence into the happiness of others so that I wouldn’t incur any discomfort….from them being uncomfortable. There is no life in that. It’s been a journey of fleeing. Running from one person to the next trying to put smiles on faces, make people feel supported, and most of all…getting their approval. Because their approval would mean my survival.
At nearly 44 years of age, the wisdom of middle-age has finally graced my understanding. And, she has shown me that to live this way, is to live in a constant state of emotional travesty. My whole life, up until this point, has been like a coup. A coup staged by my shadow self. My shadow, comprised of fear, alienation, feelings of abandonment and rejection, and pessimism. I was overthrowing my own power because I felt that my power….was weak. Weak in comparison to everyone around me. So weak that I felt it necessary to replace my personal power in hopes of receiving the security of power outside myself. Security, protection, provision. All done through the avenue of people pleasing. I got so bad with it that I was people-pleasing dangerous and ill-intentioned people. My conscience would scream, “you know they are bad news!! No inspiration or motivation or money or love you can give them will help them and they will in turn HARM YOU, COZETT!!” But…I did it anyway. I did it because I had zero belief in myself and that I could ever offer anything of worth to the world that would both ensure my security and affect meaningful change for humanity.
Even as I type this, the articulation of it all, is blowing my mind. Honestly, it takes a heck of a lot of self-awareness to assess oneself so objectively. And, it also takes a lot of willingness to demonstrate the courage to know oneself this deeply. The deep is a scary place. There’s not much light. You have to deal with a lot of shadows which means you have to fine tune your soul to sift through illusion and not spook so easily when it comes to pulling back the curtains of your own psyche to see what’s there.
I no longer see my life as a journey that “happens TO me” but rather I’ve positioned myself, through shadow work so that I can channel my energy in a way where MY life….”happens THROUGH me.”
There are no detours in the Divine. The divine you. When life happens “to” you, your whole path can be nothing but a detour. You can never follow out what your heart desires because you are too busy fulfilling the desires of others so you have to make U-turns, take toll roads, and bloody your feet by paths filled with briars, and crag. Ultimately, when you live for others, you are intentionally choosing and agreeing to take the long way to arrive at your own destiny. You’re telling your soul that it doesn’t carry the value or worth of taking the straight path, the destined path, the one that actually calls to you.
I can’t believe I have waited this long. Yet, I don’t feel bogged down with regret. I know that I couldn’t have seen then what I now see. I wasn’t capable. The emotional travesty that I intentionally chose had me blinded. And, I also think that to some degree I considered myself young enough to keep putting off my heart’s desires because I had, “time.” This is one of the great gifts of mid-life. The wake-up call. A conscious recognition that in spite of how well you take care of your body and mind…this will all come to an end. I want my end to be in health, in love, in passion, in the sobriety that is informed from severe suffering. A woman wide awake. A woman who maintained the magic of being a little girl in spite of her crucible. Sagic wisdom now finds its expression in me physically. In action. In my decisions. In my voice. In the crow’s feet forming around my eyes and in the small furrow of my brow. Plowed by intense, prolonged consternation and contemplation on why I am the way I am, and why the world around me is the way it is.
My prayer for everyone who reads this, is that you will learn from my lessons. If you are younger than me…please don’t put off following your happiness and being true to yourself. Be authentically you regardless of any perceived consequences of that. If you are my age or older…I give you the same advice. It is true that maturity and wisdom are not necessarily correlated with age.
Your journey…is sacred. And, your path is unique. Don’t you long for people to experience you as you really are? I encourage you to diverge. I encourage you to emerge. Diverge from the paths that people have forced you onto. And, you will emerge….as who you really are.
#cozettcontemplates #Divergence #newyear2023 #TimeToRise #Authenticity #shadowwork #middleagedwoman #wisdomoftheday #inspiration #motivation #motivationmonday
Cozett Contemplates Security: Detaching From Struggle
Cozett Contemplates her security…
Before my meditation this morning, I was doing self-inquiry to see what my soul wanted to see come into my conscious awareness. I have learned well how important it is to do self-inquiry because not asking yourself questions leads to a life of undesirable, and vicious cycles that leave you feeling confused and frustrated and broken.
The issue of my own security came up. I think for various factors (that I will list momentarily) I’ve conditioned myself to ONLY be able to experience security when great struggle can precede it. And, only then will I allow myself to relax or acknowledge that my survival is being ensured. If you follow me closely, you know that I talk as openly as I can about my traumatic childhood and adolescence. From as early as the age of 4 I was tasked with taking care of myself. At the age of 5 I would get myself ready for headstart (like a preschool) and walk to the end of my driveway to the school. When I got home from headstart I would stand in a chair and do dishes, then because I wasn’t strong enough, my mother would run my bath and I would bathe, lay out my clothes for the next day, set my alarm and go to bed to do it all again the next day. I LOVED headstart. I LOVED my teacher! Mrs. Charlene Withrow. I will never forget that woman. In retrospect I now know she was deeply concerned about my living situation and she would periodically make home visits and always bring me…DONALD DUCK ORANGE JUICE!! It had a metal peel tab and a cool 1980’s Donald Duck print on a tiny cylindrical can. I didn’t get to grow up celebrating Christmas due to my grandmother’s religion but every time Mrs. Charlene showed up with Donald Duck Orange Juice, I felt like the luckiest child. It felt like what I would imagine my friends felt like on Christmas morning.
Nothing came easy growing up. My grandfather worked his cattle farm 7 days per week and worked at TVA 5 days per week and he never took a day off as long as he lived. He would go even when sick. He also suffered from migraines as many in my family do and how he managed to function on Goody and BC Powders while working so hard I will never know. But, what I do know is that same work ethic found itself in me, albeit in a bit of a physically weaker vessel. Though I do have my own feats in light of long bouts of illness both mentally and physically. I am proud of what I have accomplished while carrying loads that many will never understand. Working multiple jobs, owning multiple businesses, being unwaveringly patient and kind with others (which is definitely me being “too nice” too often and yes that annoys me) while maintaining privacy about my lack of security or staggering mental health issues (mostly behind me now!) it has not been easy. So, this too has conditioned me, I have conditioned myself with the experiences and emotions of being in constant struggle praying for it to payoff.
Between my childhood and adolescent context and my subsequent struggles in my adult years, it’s never really been at the forefront of my conscious awareness that I can experience security without grueling and nearly obliterating struggle.
Now, my age plays into this well. At the time of this writing I am 43 years old. Soon to be 44. I come from a different time. Up until my generation it was the cultural norm and still is in many places, both in the US and around the world, that unless you were born into wealth life would and should indeed be hard to EARN with struggle every penny. I mean, look at my grandfather. Because of his hard work my grandmother is still surviving today. He never got to enjoy the fruit of his labor though. We took 1 vacation growing up and…God love him, he was miserable and nervous and cranky the whole time. He was always cranky, really. But, he couldn’t relax, he fussed and cussed the whole time. We never did a vacation again. I was about 14 years old. People in my age group and older grew up seeing parents and grandparents who, in their lifetimes may have been some of the first people to get electricity, they used outhouses instead of bathrooms in a home, they lived off the land planting massive gardens and tending to livestock. They were the people of Appalachia, people of pioneering lifestyles.
My cousin Margo Holder and I often talk about our grandmother, Nona Schouggins. She lived on Big Ridge here in Hixson before it became full of subdivisions. It was because of her that electricity finally became available on Big Ridge. She was a medicine woman, a pioneer woman, a healer, an herbalist, she was tough mentally and physically and sometimes emotionally. But, her love held so many together in a secure embrace. Her sureness conveyed a sense of security to everyone who had the privilege of being in her life. But, her sureness came from her the tenacity that was required from her in order to ensure her own survival. Her sureness came as a result of her struggle.
So, a precedent had been set for many generations that has and is thankfully being up-ended by the advent of some serious technology. Having indoor plumbing and electricity has been a game changer for humanity. But, having internet and the ability to have visibility that can, in many cases lead to being paid, having a form of security financially by becoming an “influencer.” The ability to speak to a broad audience, from the heart about one’s experiences and wisdom has taken us from the requirement of struggling to survive to simply speaking your truth and being able to thrive.
This is where my security will come from. While I am decently healthy, I am not, and have never been able to hold a 9-5 job or a job that requires a lot of physical exertion. I have sleep disorders that won’t allow me to have a perfectly ordered work week at a traditional job. And, as of yet I don’t have a college degree. So, 9-5’s are out, warehouse jobs are out, and my goal of one day having my own counseling practice is out until I can finish my degree. As of right now, I am maxed out on my student loan amounts and I haven’t even been able to finish my bachelor’s degree. I need a minimum of a master’s degree to have my own practice. And, at almost 44 years old with maxed out school loans the likelihood of that ever happening is slim unless I just fall backwards into loads and loads of cash.
So, what does this mean for me? I HAVE to be creative. I have to own my reality by owning my own businesses. Thankfully, this is something I enjoy. But, does it mean I have to remain in a grueling state of struggle and uncertainty about my future? About my security in general? At first glance, looking at my lack of a degree, my age, my health (which again, isn’t terrible) if my security depends on “WORK work” then….I’m screwed.
But, with the technology that we now have, there is no reason why I can’t leverage that and forge my path, my security, in an alternative manner. I won’t be retiring from TVA and I am not the pioneer woman that my grandmother was. I do, however, carry deep wisdom, sureness that has come from the all encompassing struggles of my life. And, just like my grandmother, because of this sureness, this steadfastness of soul I am often told that people feel a deep and profound sense of hope and optimism and encouragement when they’re around me. I have, “feel good” energy. People tell me they feel they can be totally open and unashamed around me. They know they can tell me anything and trust that their secrets will never find their way into the ears of unintended audiences. People feel safe and at peace around me. And, it is because of how hard I’ve had to work to create peace in the chaotic life I’ve lived. I’ve had to be my OWN center. My OWN safe place. My OWN therapist. My OWN source of income. My OWN doctor. And, all of these abilities has had to come by following my intuition and what I know about my body, my mind, my emotions, and the extent of abilities.
So, for 2 days I have received a message from my soul. It spoke a few days ago quietly calling me out about, “being attached to struggle.” Then today my soul’s voice grew a bit louder. And, these words came to me, “You deserve to experience an emotional state free from loss, fear, danger and risk.”
I have never in my life had an emotional state that hasn’t included fear, loss, danger or risk. One of the happiest times in my entire life thus far was when I ventured to Turkiye. To the other side of the world, all by myself. But, even that time and the times I visited since the first, haven’t been free from fear of loss or danger or risk. I always find myself worrying about how I will pay my bills when I get back home. Feeling as if I’m going to be punished for eeking out an enjoyment that many take for granted.
I have no idea what an emotional state without the feeling of loss, risk or danger will feel like. I only know that I deserve to experience that. I deserve to live in that as a normal state of being. I deserve to know what it feels like.
I will be letting go of my attachment to struggle. I deserve to live a life of security that isn’t tied to constant struggle. In reality, because of all of the tech tools and social platforms this is more possible for me now than ever before. And, I’m showing up. I’m here to speak my truth and share wisdom and hope with others who know what it is to struggle. I am here to be a messenger of hope. An agent of peace. A global force for good in uniting humanity and calling out the poisonous and subtle tactics employed to divide us. This is my calling. And, this will be my peace. To know that I brought peace. Security…will be my security.
I hope it will be yours as well.
Lots of love,
Cozett Dunn
#cozettcontemplates #thestruggle #security
She Brought Us All Together Again: Love Is Greater Than Faith
Cozett Contemplates how she brought us all together again…
This morning my meditation released a lot of stored emotion I have about the division we’ve faced collectively over the last several years.
I don’t think I realized how deeply it has affected me.
All my life I have been a peace keeper of sorts. Human suffering has always bothered me. Always. And, I’ve always had this drive to help everyone I can to avoid suffering, consequence, and repercussion.
When I was in 1st grade, I was in a shared classroom with kindergartners. Our teacher is to this day still the favorite teacher I ever had. I remember her that clearly. Originally, Miss Gregory, then she got married and became Mrs. Aldridge. I loved her. She had one big rule for our classroom. And that rule was, “NO MORE THAN ONE ON THE FLOOR.”
She knew how frenetic young children can be and this was one way to keep order, peace, flow in our classroom.
One day while doing a writing lesson, I noticed two kindergartners at the sink. One had gone up to wash his hands from some finger painting they were doing. Then his friend got up and walked to the sink as well and was whispering in his ear. I remember feeling fear, feeling frantic, because I didn’t want them to get in trouble.
So, while they were talking at the sink, I decided to “risk it all” as much as a first grader can! ha ha. I thought, “if I can get to them before she does and get them to sit back down then it will be worth the risk of becoming the 3RD person on the floor!”
So, I quickly got up and walked up to the two boys and said quietly, “you all aren’t supposed to be up here. No more than one on the floor. You’re going to get in trouble.”
Suddenly, from out of nowhere came a whack across my bottom followed by 2 other whacks on theirs.
I felt so defeated. Embarrassed. Like I had lost an epic battle trying to do something good. Trying to do something that would “save” them. How could my pure motives bring me this? Punishment?? Of all the things.
That was the first of many lessons to come. That lesson that is now finding its articulation in this post, at the age of 43, is that “you can’t save everyone. And, as hard as it is to watch sometimes you have to allow others paths to unfold without interruption. While you think you are interrupting pain, it is more likely that you will be interrupting valuable lessons that will keep that person from pain in the future, when you aren’t around to save them or look out for them.”
As an adult I’ve not really departed from this inclination. I’ve refined it though through my own lessons of pain that weren’t interrupted.
During meditation I was asking myself, “what is next for me?” I’ve created 3 additional businesses that will serve as platforms for my own personal expression, healing messages, joy for myself and others, and another means of ensuring my own stability, as a single woman, one income household. But, they are not ends in and of themselves. They are my children. And, I want to watch after them dutifully, and support them by being their biggest cheerleader. But, that isn’t the end of my journey. It is a hugely satisfying accomplishment, yes. But, obviously that isn’t where my story ends.
This is when I began to cry. I actually cried so hard I began to shake. I began having flash images of memories over the last several years of social media posts, and news headlines, and news stories of our how country and world has erupted into sickness, war, racism, and near elimination of the middle-class.
Between religion, politics, poverty, and humanity’s inability to hold space for others who are different we have created a very sick atmosphere to live in. And, if you are an empath, you like me, probably feel all of this in your body and it is like a personal version of hell.
I’ve felt so trapped. Having a higher perspective and wanting to run to everyone and “get them away from the sink so they wouldn’t experience pain for their choices.”
So, this morning after I asked the question to myself, and to God, “what is next for me?” I heard these words, “She brought us all together again.”
That will be my legacy. These social media posts I do, my YouTube videos, my businesses, my voice are all channels to the goal that I wish to meet and enjoy as I lie on my death bed. And, that is world peace. I don’t care how lofty that sounds. And, I don’t care what any religion, psychologist, sociologist or other teacher says about how that’s not going to happen, or how it can’t happen, or how it has been predicted that we will only ever unwind into an apocalyptic extinction.
While I am here and while I have breath in my body I will strive to help people who are vastly different from each other, join hands and hearts.
There is truly more that unites us than divides us. I want to be intentional about loving my neighbor. And, I want you to be as well.
When we are falling out with each other due to different religions, skin color, economic philosophies, parenting, body image, etc. And, when our planet becomes inundated with a virus that is global. These are symptoms of what is happening in the collective unconscious. There are some bad programs running beneath the conscious awareness of our thought life that is pulling us into a chasm.
I’ve always been naturally ecumenical in nature. Here’s what I mean. I grew up to about the age of 12 or 13 as a Jehovah’s witness. Then around the age of 14 I had the opportunity to attend a Pentecostal church. It was in this setting that I found a place where I could enjoy self-expression in light of my feelings about God. The ecstatic worship services gave me a break from my crisis filled childhood. I got to see other examples than just my own family of origin in how differently people see God and respond to God and live out their beliefs. It was absolutely beautiful to my innocent mind. And, to this day I wish I could go back and experience these types of services. Unfortunately, I cannot and for reasons that would require another long post. For all of its faults, and frailties it gave me something beautiful to take away once I diverged. I gained a lot of confidence to approach and to continue learning about, God. As an adult woman, who was a preacher within a Pentecostal tradition I constantly strove to bring together Catholics, and other protestant denominations. I incorporated their theology into my own and tried my best to preach from that space.
Because I desperately wanted to be a responsible teacher who created and perpetuated unity and because I felt a duty to make sure that everyone who came under the sound of my voice wouldn’t receive only the fundamentals of the faith. They had plenty of that. We are still to this day harped on and harping at each other and everyone else the 10 commandments. What a shame. Even Paul, an Apostle, said we should leave the elementary teachings of the faith behind and go on to greater things. The mysteries of the Christ. Not cause and effect. Not good and bad. Not right and wrong. If your heart is renewed and you’re an ethical person at all you don’t need to be told any of this in order to follow it. There is a lot of wasted breath that could be used to teach people….how not to feel disdain for other religions but rather curiosity. The world’s religions are characterized by what I call, “the big 3.” Judaism, Christianity, and Islam. We are ALL Abrahamic. And, it is a disservice to the messengers of our faith contexts to somehow in our imaginations pit them against each other in a make believe fight for supremacy. How egoic is that? Yuck. God has nothing to do with that in reality. At all.
But, it’s not enough to be religiously or spiritually ecumenical, is it? No. Why? Because even that, as well-rounded as it can seem, STILL disenfranchises humanity. Yes, there is an entire world outside the confines of any religion or spirituality. And, I also want to find myself there. And, you should too. We weren’t created FOR religion. It is not my life purpose, nor is it yours, to die championing the supremacy of your religion. We are here for the purpose of life. LIFE is the purpose of all of us. I’ve discovered this because of death. When you are one breath away from homelessness, when you are sick in your body, mind and relationships….you understand acutely, how pointless religion and its supremacy really is. The only thing that matters is life and love.
There is a famous bible verse, penned by Paul an apostle to a church in Corinth. In 1 Cor. 13:13 he exhorted the congregation by saying, “And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.”
Let me say this in a way that I hope you will understand:
1. Love is greater than faith.
That’s it. The end.
Love is greater than your faith context. In other words, your faith isn’t nearly as important as your capacity to hold space for people unlike yourself.
As an adult woman I still feel the nature of my girlhood within me. I am still wanting to rescue people and steer them away from all that harms. Even if, AND ESPECIALLY if, that is our own behaviors, and attitudes.
And, that’s what this post is. Me, an as of yet, not college educated, single, white woman in the southeastern United States, whose appearance fits my stereotype. I mean my accent alone sends the message about my stereotype. My accent is…mamaw’s cornbread, with sorghum and grits.
But, I’m here. I’m showing up. In spite of my physical appearance, my accent, my heavily religious background. I’m here. And, I’m pointing to behaviors that will bring us all pain.
I’m urging you…to sit back down. No more than one on the floor. Sit, think and allow curiosity and compassion and consideration and commonalities to saturate your conscience. Allow these things to point you away from divisive behaviors and philosophies.
We really are better together. ALL of us. And, I am joining hands with everyone. Especially people who don’t share anything in common with me other than the fact that we need clean air, clean food, safe neighborhoods, and schools for our children. If that’s it (which it isn’t) that is enough. Love can grow from just those things.
I love you….do you love me?
Yours truly,
The Power Of Collectivistic Celebration
During my meditation this evening I was open to receiving wisdom from the etheric realm. I asked God to tell me a piece of wisdom of which I am unacquainted. God spoke to me about my purpose. In my meditation I had a vision of sacred geometry, sacred spaces and women in celebration. Then I heard the words come up inside me, “The power of collective celebration.” So, I asked myself what that could mean in light of the sacred geometry and sacred spaces I had seen. It was revealed to me that the work and vibration and joy of celebration…on a massive scale is one of the most liberating things a thought leader can do. Lead their collectives in regular celebration.
This will naturally look different for each collective and each thought leader but the results of such an effort will be what lays the ground for a community to self-soothe, it sets aside the intense worry that plagues our modern overworked world. It removes people from the ordinary to the extraordinary. It increases the vibration of the collective and because of that time in celebration it gives us a break from the stringent focus required by our jobs, families, medical needs, etc. The effect of that is that the celebrant can come away from the celebration and experience clarity. Clarity about the condition of humanity and how their medicine can in fact heal the world. Clarity about life, love, relationships, the shadows we all carry inside, and so much more. Celebration therefore has a healing effect for our brain and nervous system.
I feel called, or instructed to do just this. My next steps? Maybe a spiritual retreat? A festival? Not sure. I’ll be exploring though and let you all know! Also, I am open to suggestions from around the world of where would be sacred spaces conducive to celebration. Let me know!
Science Is The Twin Flame Of Spirit
For nearly the entirety of my life I have spent my free time, my play time, contemplating life. How big it is. Why people do what they do. Why people think the way they think. Why people interacted with me the way they did. What does the future hold for the universe as we know it. What impact does the unseen have on the seen.
My childhood and adolescence was quite traumatic. Because of this my mamaw fiercely guarded my play and rest time. She knew that through her love and the therapy that only nature could provide I would have a shot at transitioning into a normal adulthood. Whenever domestic violence or some other drama wasn’t actively occurring she made sure that I was able to have that down time to sleep. Now, lots of sleep is nothing unique about the teenage experience. But for me prolonged sleep was imperative for my mind, emotions and body to recover from the stress of crises.
My senior year in high school brought a lot of change naturally. I was launching into legal adulthood, choosing whether or not I wanted to continue educational pursuits or take a break (I took a break), experiencing milestone events like prom, graduation, getting my first car, applying for jobs, finding my father on my 18th birthday, and of course surviving the overdoses of my mother. My senior year was so intense that I would often lie to my friends and tell them I was grounded just so I could stay home on the weekend to think about life.
As a child I would run barefoot from the house down the sloping front yard and to a pond where the cattle would gather to drink. I would first walk around the entire pond in the gray claylike mud looking for tadpoles. Nothing was more satisfying in those days than feeling the slick smooth clay of the pond to squish between my toes and see my feet disappear slowly into the murky waters as the tadpoles would gather around my ankles. I took those moments in slowly. Thinking about the feeling. The sight. What it meant to the tadpoles. Did they really flee in terror so quickly at my splashes only to return and gather unknowingly around the source of the splash?
The pond was spring fed and the spring was terraced with tiny waterfalls that eventually gave way to the opening of the pond. I would walk up into the spring to it’s very head and at its main waterfall (which hit at about the height of my knees) and pretend to be making medicines with some gnarly fallen limb from the woods. I would take my stick and jab through the top of the fall into the mud below. Think mortar and pestle. I would declare to my imaginary audience that I had just found a cure for whatever ailed them. After passing around my medicine I would go lay inside a circle of trees beside the pond and just look up at the sky for hours. Until I was either called home or found I would lay and look and think.
At the time of this writing I am 43 years old. I have devoted my life thus far to the pursuit of understanding why people think the way think and how the unseen impacts the seen. In thinking about how the unseen impacts the seen it is an inescapable thing at this juncture in history to think in terms of God. The concept of God. The understanding of God affects the thought lives of billions of people and for the atheist or agnostic they are also impacted by the beliefs of other’s beliefs about God. In short there is no escaping God. Even if you don’t believe in God you probably are in relationship with others who do and that absolutely impacts your reality, the justice you are able to receive by a legal system that is influenced by the belief in God, relational ethics and dynamics that are influenced by others belief in God. From sexuality to spirituality all these things are shaped by the concept of God whether it is a personally held concept or not.
Since 2019 I have experienced the hardest years of my adult life. I’m feeling disillusioned and disappointed. But, I’m discovering if it weren’t for my disillusionment I would have no chance at “reillusioning” a theory and philosophy that works for me. If not for disappointment I would have had no shot at being reappointed into a higher perspective. One that helps me finally to feel a level of self-assurance that will translate to my own soul how perfectly capable I am of relying on myself and trusting myself to be able to protect myself.
I am well-studied, well-versed in all of the major world religions and spiritualities. Not as an enthusiast. But, a genuine learner. I have been careful to take a scholarly approach to all things unseen, all things faith related. I’ve always intuitively felt that the intangible held the keys for a humanity who can holistically understand the world and people around them. And through that I, we, could form a sure scaffolding for a reliable hope.
As I’ve researched the world’s major organized religions I have observed the following:
- Each one subscribes to a main, male deity who feels insulted if other gods are adored or seen as powerful or wise. Monotheism. But, how can monotheism be monotheism if the “the” acknowledges that there are other gods? Thou shalt have no other gods before Me, yes? Then it follows that there are in fact other entities, other gods by the admission of the deity who says it’s wrong for any other deity to receive adoration.
- Researching as far back into recorded history as is humanly possible we understand the earth’s oldest spirituality is Hinduism. Hinduism is polytheistic but still features male deities as the ultimate gods to whom everyone is an emanation of. Hinduism, however, does at least teach that these male gods have female counterparts, or female energetic expressions that should be equally worshipped since they understand that masculine energy is incomplete without the feminine.
- In mythology which served as a religious context for many in the ancient world we see that our collective, those before us, were immersed in a world of legends held to be truth or fact. The stories of Zeus, Calliope, Cupid, Achilles, Aphrodite, Venus are all so fantastical that those of us who cut our teeth in western thought and the allopathic treatment of the intangible almost lack the capacity to believe in the unconsciousness from which they all sprang to be dealt with by the conscious. Demigods? Absolutely real. But, wait that concept is also echoed by Jesus in the NT of the Bible when He boldly declared to the super religious of his day that….”you all are gods.” Incarnated wisdom. Incarnated goodness. Incarnated creators. This is what we think a good God should be. Wise, good, and tirelessly producing.
In the last several years I’ve found the answers to many of my nagging questions about life in quantum physics and the study of metaphysics. As someone who was raised in a southeast Tennessee Christian context I was acutely aware of the history of Christians balking at science. At one time, not too long ago Christians would kill any other human who thought the world was round. The church regarded this teaching as a point of major doctrine and anyone who opposed that thought was deemed a heretic and punished accordingly. I resolved as an adolescent to listen to science no matter what because to me, to walk in this world as a single-faceted human who only has the ability to disseminate ignorant rigidity concerning the intangible is an utter betrayal of the mystery that sent me to this planet. It would be a cosmic travesty and a coward’s journey for me.
As I sat with my observations I endeavored to honestly explore the implications of them. To the best of my ability I’ve tried to allow the observations all the latitude of God. Because if truth is found in God then God isn’t afraid of the truth. How can I discount one and exalt another simply because the one I choose to exalt tells me to do so? If you have only one dollar to your name and it is in your pocket and you are dehydrated are you going to spend that dollar on water or will you throw it in the trash because someone who seems more hydrated than you tells you to do it and do it with joy because joy is a virtue do you throw it away? In the same way I have chosen my wells and I hope you do too.
As I began to finally have a big picture developing I’ve been able to think through what the implications of this big picture mean to me and how I will allow or disallow them to shape my life and relationships and career and philosophy about life in general.
Every single belief we hold has within it an origination, an emanation, an elation and a declination. Concerning God I no longer have to understand origination because that is truly impossible to know. But, emanation is where I pick up the trail and follow out each belief to see what does this belief entail, how has it shaped the world and people around me, what did or will it look like when it reaches its fullest expression, and what will its declination look like, do I already see its declination, if so what does it look like and what are the implications of its decline. If it hasn’t happened yet but I can see it coming what are the implications of its decline for me personally, and what are the implications of its decline for my neighbor.
In short, everything, every deity, every belief, philosophy will at some point collapse back in to itself. It may resurrect or reassert itself again later or it may fall away completely and out of the reach of the annuls of history for someone like you or me to discover or know that it even existed. Oscillation and vibration is everything. Why? Because literally everything tangible and intangible is comprised of electromagnetic energy. My theology, my cat, the bird on my balcony, the poem in my heart that hasn’t been written down or recited for any ears. All oscillating and vibrating. The higher the vibration the healthier is that thing, person, animal, belief. If there is no vibration. No oscillation. Then there is death. There is no escaping that reality. Your body is made up of approximately one trillion cells. Every second your body is undergoing thousands of chemical processes to keep you alive. Thousands. Every second. Completely unaware your body is carrying out its assignment.
So, where does this position me? I am a Pisces. I’m a poet. I’m a philosopher. I’m an INFJ. I am a manifestor according to human design. I am naturally and now unapologetically a metaphorical and highly spiritual person. The disillusionment and disappointment over the years have once and finally threatened willingness to believe that if a higher power exists then it exists to protect me and cheer me on as I walk through life. I’ve spent so many days crying. So many days wishing I could gather together the most prominent spiritual leaders of every organized religion and major spirituality and screaming at them, “I DON’T UNDERSTAND!!!! I SEE WHAT YOU ARE SAYING. I KNOW WHY YOU BELIEVE THIS. BUT, I DON’T UNDERSTAND WHY THERE SEEMS TO EXIST ONLY A CHASM BETWEEN BELIEF AND REALITY. BECAUSE ALL TOO OFTEN THE BEHAVIOR OF YOUR ADHERENTS DO NOT MATCH THE BELIEF YOU HOLD. PLEASE PROVE TO ME WITH ALL YOUR WISDOM AND KNOWLEDGE AND BEHAVIOR THAT YOUR WAY IS IN FACT THE BEST OR ONLY WAY. BECAUSE AS I STACK YOUR BELEIF AND YOUR ORIGIN STORIES AND YOUR PHILOSOPHIES AND PRACTICES TO OTHERS, WHO SAY SIMILAR THINGS I DON’T SEE HOW IT’S ANY BETTER OR SO UNIQUE THAT IT INDICATES YOUR BELIEF IS THE MOST ORIGINAL AND OLDEST AND THEREFORE THE MOST CORRECT AND SURE.”
I’ve sat with my unbelief. And I’ve realized that if I sever the part of me that is nourished by mystery and metaphor then I will kill myself. I will kill who I am at my core. So, in light of that I have deduced that my healing will not happen if I become atheist in an effort to cope with my hardship and confusion. My most sure path of healing will not include the world of mystery and metaphor but it will be my unique voice. My wilderness cry in a world that has no interest in deep listening. My voice is truly in a desert. It is dry and desolate here and in order to inhabit it you have to have a special skillset that many do not naturally possess nor are they interested in possessing. It’s quiet. The silence alone has born witness to my thought. And, it has been during my contemplation that I have concluded that spirituality cannot and should not be separated from what we consider reality. The gods have always lived among us. They have all at some point or another lived in us in the form of mysteries. Some people shake their fists at mystery because to them mystery is misery. It is a psychological plague. It removes their control and grip on their own understanding of life and as we have seen with the crusades this causes violence because it activates the bruteness and lower vibrational emotions such as anger, hate, superiority, elitism, etc.
As I meditated earlier today I decided, “I will no longer try to separate myth and mystery from science. When I read stories about how demigods came into existence, or how monks and nuns and mystics have levitated during prolonged periods of meditations, or how a scientist used the power of his mind to heal his own broken bones….I understand that the truth lies in the mystery.” Fact doesn’t have to be separated from fiction. Remember the chasm I mentioned? That chasm is space. Space between the intangible and tangible. Space between belief and practiced reality. Space. Did you know that an atom is 99.999999999% empty space? And, if you removed the empty space from the atoms of all people, the entire human race could fit in the volume of a sugar cube? Empty space where there is no obligation to believe a certain doctrine or dogma, empty space where there is no demand for decision, empty space that is completely and infinitely neutral, empty space like this should be inherent and integrated into belief system in the world whether atheistic, polytheistic, or monotheistic.
I came away from my meditation with this specific thought in my mind, “the mysterium, the mythology, theology cannot and never will be reduced down to simple calculation that is explained away by science. Science is the twin flame of spirit.” Little did I know only an hour or so later as I continued my study about physics that I would come across a quote by Nassim Haramein, a unified physics researcher and scientist. He said, “Physics without philosophy is lost in mathematics. You have to have a fundamental concept to write the math that works. And that is called thought, philosophy.”
Today my footing is more sure not because of hard and fast and provable science but because I am intrinsically rooted in mystery. I am found in metaphor. And I await science to discover me.
Yours in thought,
Cozett
Cozett’s Crossroads
I have come to a major crossroads in my life. Typically my writing is a bit more metaphoric and maybe verbose. But, this. This is a thought dump.
I’m to a place where I need to discover what can make my life enjoyable outside of spirituality and sexuality. Those two things have been basically who I am my entire life. I’ve always loved, eat, slept, breathed, drank and spent thousands upon thousands of dollars into learning more about both. These two facets of most people’s lives even though so common are so much more energetically complex than the majority of people care to think about.
But, it’s these two things that have caused me the most pain, confusion, division, and mental health issues for me. I’m not going to go into the reasons why as the explanations are lengthy. But, will touch on them lightly as necessary to make this entry as coherent and cohesive as possible.
An admittance of one of my major flaws is that unless a subject, experience, encounter, or conversation is “deep” then it leaves me feeling empty and disconnected. Obviously, it’s too intense to be that way all the time for most people and maybe that’s why fatigue is an issue for me.
At any rate, I am here trying to reimagine my life sans spirituality and sans romantic/sexual interactions. I really don’t know who I am apart from these two things. So, I guess that means I’m getting ready to mourn the parts of myself that I always hoped would be the parts to experience the depth and breadth and richness this planet can offer the most.
I’ve never been a parent so I don’t have kids that I have to live for. That’s a big thing for most people. I have two cats that are the best pets ever so that brings me a great deal of comfort and joy. The type of work that I love to do I can’t do due to lack of education and competition. So, I don’t love my job.
Travel. I guess maybe that’s the next big thing for me? We shall see. But, even that has always held a spiritual quality for me. I suppose I could shift it to where I could feel it more poetically than spiritually.
More later.
Cheers,
Cozett Dunn
The Rainstorm: You’ve Come Too Far To Turn Back
I was walking when the day turned into night
The sun seemed to give way without a fight
I expected light to fill my path
I’d already dealt with the aftermath
The gravels that crunched beneath my well-shod feet sounded like firecrackers on the 4th of July
I had already been walking quite some way when I got caught without a shred of day
My compass which had proven to be quite true
The one that had taken me places of which no one knew
Could not have prepared me for the patience that would be called
It couldn’t have indicated that I hadn’t anticipated it all
I’d left behind the fear of failing
No longer concerned about how I’d look should I begin flailing
I attacked the panic and refused it stay
Shored up my boundaries in spite of what they’d say
I conditioned my body to hold stable
In all conditions I found I was able
On muddy mountain winding trails
Rejoicing in the strength of my sea legs when the wind hits the sails
Tantalized through the turbulence while I’m in the air
Intrigued in my impermanence rather than despair
In my dream I was walking through the blackest night
My confidence was pitched I feared no plight
But, then it began to rain
My clothes drenched but I had so much to gain
When I finally decided I was prepared to head out on my journey
I’d already pushed past the fear of winding up on a gurney
Come hell or high water I set my face like flint
Of my nomadic destiny I’d already caught a glint
I prepared to be fierce and say no to fear
I prepared to be cunning and quiet with the crafty in spite of their leer
I prepared my body to be strong to hold up under pressure
I came to meet my dreams like wheat to a thresher
I hadn’t prepared to be caught in a rainstorm exactly half way through my quest
I stumbled in defeat as the wind lashed out at me like an unwelcome guest
As I stood still to face the sky and rail at the Universe, “why God, WHY??
A stirring occurred
Suddenly I was face to face with my own word
Had I not made a promise to my soul?
Had I not pledged that I wouldn’t quit till I met my goal
I will not betray that which gives me life
I will not back down though the elements cut like a knife
Turning back will not stop the rain
And I have come to encourage you in your pain
I plowed and pushed at my soul’s behest
I charged forward like a woman possessed
I will not be stopped and neither will you
If you hear this message it’s a sign of your power
I encourage you to march through time to your finest hour
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