Tag: Christian

No Water For The Wolves

Lying in the silence. All is black around me save my phone and wifi light. And all I can think about is how my mother’s death is stirring in me an even greater fire and resolve to be living light. I want my light to shine into the cosmos and to be a home to every human without exception.

I want to be….wide, long, deep, tall, ever expanding light, warmth, and peace and safety.

I want my table to extend into the nations.

Where there is light people feel seen, where there is light there is clarity, there is life, there is strength, and hope.

In a world filled with humans who despise what they don’t get, fear what they can’t understand, and murder either with their thoughts or hands those who are divergent…..I want to be different.

Love is beautiful anarchy

Light is the epitome of rebellion against darkened understanding

Brilliant bright light so the world can see
Recklessly loving us all into anarchy

While the planet is threshed wheat from tare
I’ll gather and glean to me those in despair

It is enough for those standing accepted in the sun
To carry the status of a chosen one

I’ll cast my lot with the vagabond parade
I vomit at the charity of pretentious charade

Babylon, Babylon, can’t you see she’s imploding?
Or are your ears deafened from your own gloating?

Superiority, elitism, white washed graves
Their throats lie open like wilderness caves

But they won’t catch me or mine
Unbeknownst to them we are made of brine

And, I refuse to give them water…

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In The Silence

In the quietness of the dark

In the quietness of my room

In the quiet of my pain

I transmute my tragedies

Would that God would build me an ark

Would to God I was back in the womb

God, would you please release this cosmic brain

And I will transmute my tragedies from there

Oh, shining light who knows no chasm

My feeble legs are given to spasm

I kick and I roll and cannot sleep

Head throbbing, bladder thumping, I rise twice an hour

Wrapped in a weighted heating pad and hanging on to hope

This is me writing trying to cope

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Science Is The Twin Flame Of Spirit

For nearly the entirety of my life I have spent my free time, my play time, contemplating life. How big it is. Why people do what they do. Why people think the way they think. Why people interacted with me the way they did. What does the future hold for the universe as we know it. What impact does the unseen have on the seen.

My childhood and adolescence was quite traumatic. Because of this my mamaw fiercely guarded my play and rest time. She knew that through her love and the therapy that only nature could provide I would have a shot at transitioning into a normal adulthood. Whenever domestic violence or some other drama wasn’t actively occurring she made sure that I was able to have that down time to sleep. Now, lots of sleep is nothing unique about the teenage experience. But for me prolonged sleep was imperative for my mind, emotions and body to recover from the stress of crises.

My senior year in high school brought a lot of change naturally. I was launching into legal adulthood, choosing whether or not I wanted to continue educational pursuits or take a break (I took a break), experiencing milestone events like prom, graduation, getting my first car, applying for jobs, finding my father on my 18th birthday, and of course surviving the overdoses of my mother. My senior year was so intense that I would often lie to my friends and tell them I was grounded just so I could stay home on the weekend to think about life.

As a child I would run barefoot from the house down the sloping front yard and to a pond where the cattle would gather to drink. I would first walk around the entire pond in the gray claylike mud looking for tadpoles. Nothing was more satisfying in those days than feeling the slick smooth clay of the pond to squish between my toes and see my feet disappear slowly into the murky waters as the tadpoles would gather around my ankles. I took those moments in slowly. Thinking about the feeling. The sight. What it meant to the tadpoles. Did they really flee in terror so quickly at my splashes only to return and gather unknowingly around the source of the splash?

The pond was spring fed and the spring was terraced with tiny waterfalls that eventually gave way to the opening of the pond. I would walk up into the spring to it’s very head and at its main waterfall (which hit at about the height of my knees) and pretend to be making medicines with some gnarly fallen limb from the woods. I would take my stick and jab through the top of the fall into the mud below. Think mortar and pestle. I would declare to my imaginary audience that I had just found a cure for whatever ailed them. After passing around my medicine I would go lay inside a circle of trees beside the pond and just look up at the sky for hours. Until I was either called home or found I would lay and look and think.

At the time of this writing I am 43 years old. I have devoted my life thus far to the pursuit of understanding why people think the way think and how the unseen impacts the seen. In thinking about how the unseen impacts the seen it is an inescapable thing at this juncture in history to think in terms of God. The concept of God. The understanding of God affects the thought lives of billions of people and for the atheist or agnostic they are also impacted by the beliefs of other’s beliefs about God. In short there is no escaping God. Even if you don’t believe in God you probably are in relationship with others who do and that absolutely impacts your reality, the justice you are able to receive by a legal system that is influenced by the belief in God, relational ethics and dynamics that are influenced by others belief in God. From sexuality to spirituality all these things are shaped by the concept of God whether it is a personally held concept or not.

Since 2019 I have experienced the hardest years of my adult life. I’m feeling disillusioned and disappointed. But, I’m discovering if it weren’t for my disillusionment I would have no chance at “reillusioning” a theory and philosophy that works for me. If not for disappointment I would have had no shot at being reappointed into a higher perspective. One that helps me finally to feel a level of self-assurance that will translate to my own soul how perfectly capable I am of relying on myself and trusting myself to be able to protect myself.

I am well-studied, well-versed in all of the major world religions and spiritualities. Not as an enthusiast. But, a genuine learner. I have been careful to take a scholarly approach to all things unseen, all things faith related. I’ve always intuitively felt that the intangible held the keys for a humanity who can holistically understand the world and people around them. And through that I, we, could form a sure scaffolding for a reliable hope.

As I’ve researched the world’s major organized religions I have observed the following:

  1. Each one subscribes to a main, male deity who feels insulted if other gods are adored or seen as powerful or wise. Monotheism. But, how can monotheism be monotheism if the “the” acknowledges that there are other gods? Thou shalt have no other gods before Me, yes? Then it follows that there are in fact other entities, other gods by the admission of the deity who says it’s wrong for any other deity to receive adoration.
  2. Researching as far back into recorded history as is humanly possible we understand the earth’s oldest spirituality is Hinduism. Hinduism is polytheistic but still features male deities as the ultimate gods to whom everyone is an emanation of. Hinduism, however, does at least teach that these male gods have female counterparts, or female energetic expressions that should be equally worshipped since they understand that masculine energy is incomplete without the feminine.
  3. In mythology which served as a religious context for many in the ancient world we see that our collective, those before us, were immersed in a world of legends held to be truth or fact. The stories of Zeus, Calliope, Cupid, Achilles, Aphrodite, Venus are all so fantastical that those of us who cut our teeth in western thought and the allopathic treatment of the intangible almost lack the capacity to believe in the unconsciousness from which they all sprang to be dealt with by the conscious. Demigods? Absolutely real. But, wait that concept is also echoed by Jesus in the NT of the Bible when He boldly declared to the super religious of his day that….”you all are gods.” Incarnated wisdom. Incarnated goodness. Incarnated creators. This is what we think a good God should be. Wise, good, and tirelessly producing.

In the last several years I’ve found the answers to many of my nagging questions about life in quantum physics and the study of metaphysics. As someone who was raised in a southeast Tennessee Christian context I was acutely aware of the history of Christians balking at science. At one time, not too long ago Christians would kill any other human who thought the world was round. The church regarded this teaching as a point of major doctrine and anyone who opposed that thought was deemed a heretic and punished accordingly. I resolved as an adolescent to listen to science no matter what because to me, to walk in this world as a single-faceted human who only has the ability to disseminate ignorant rigidity concerning the intangible is an utter betrayal of the mystery that sent me to this planet. It would be a cosmic travesty and a coward’s journey for me.

As I sat with my observations I endeavored to honestly explore the implications of them. To the best of my ability I’ve tried to allow the observations all the latitude of God. Because if truth is found in God then God isn’t afraid of the truth. How can I discount one and exalt another simply because the one I choose to exalt tells me to do so? If you have only one dollar to your name and it is in your pocket and you are dehydrated are you going to spend that dollar on water or will you throw it in the trash because someone who seems more hydrated than you tells you to do it and do it with joy because joy is a virtue do you throw it away? In the same way I have chosen my wells and I hope you do too.

As I began to finally have a big picture developing I’ve been able to think through what the implications of this big picture mean to me and how I will allow or disallow them to shape my life and relationships and career and philosophy about life in general.

Every single belief we hold has within it an origination, an emanation, an elation and a declination. Concerning God I no longer have to understand origination because that is truly impossible to know. But, emanation is where I pick up the trail and follow out each belief to see what does this belief entail, how has it shaped the world and people around me, what did or will it look like when it reaches its fullest expression, and what will its declination look like, do I already see its declination, if so what does it look like and what are the implications of its decline. If it hasn’t happened yet but I can see it coming what are the implications of its decline for me personally, and what are the implications of its decline for my neighbor.

In short, everything, every deity, every belief, philosophy will at some point collapse back in to itself. It may resurrect or reassert itself again later or it may fall away completely and out of the reach of the annuls of history for someone like you or me to discover or know that it even existed. Oscillation and vibration is everything. Why? Because literally everything tangible and intangible is comprised of electromagnetic energy. My theology, my cat, the bird on my balcony, the poem in my heart that hasn’t been written down or recited for any ears. All oscillating and vibrating. The higher the vibration the healthier is that thing, person, animal, belief. If there is no vibration. No oscillation. Then there is death. There is no escaping that reality. Your body is made up of approximately one trillion cells. Every second your body is undergoing thousands of chemical processes to keep you alive. Thousands. Every second. Completely unaware your body is carrying out its assignment.

So, where does this position me? I am a Pisces. I’m a poet. I’m a philosopher. I’m an INFJ. I am a manifestor according to human design. I am naturally and now unapologetically a metaphorical and highly spiritual person. The disillusionment and disappointment over the years have once and finally threatened willingness to believe that if a higher power exists then it exists to protect me and cheer me on as I walk through life. I’ve spent so many days crying. So many days wishing I could gather together the most prominent spiritual leaders of every organized religion and major spirituality and screaming at them, “I DON’T UNDERSTAND!!!! I SEE WHAT YOU ARE SAYING. I KNOW WHY YOU BELIEVE THIS. BUT, I DON’T UNDERSTAND WHY THERE SEEMS TO EXIST ONLY A CHASM BETWEEN BELIEF AND REALITY. BECAUSE ALL TOO OFTEN THE BEHAVIOR OF YOUR ADHERENTS DO NOT MATCH THE BELIEF YOU HOLD. PLEASE PROVE TO ME WITH ALL YOUR WISDOM AND KNOWLEDGE AND BEHAVIOR THAT YOUR WAY IS IN FACT THE BEST OR ONLY WAY. BECAUSE AS I STACK YOUR BELEIF AND YOUR ORIGIN STORIES AND YOUR PHILOSOPHIES AND PRACTICES TO OTHERS, WHO SAY SIMILAR THINGS I DON’T SEE HOW IT’S ANY BETTER OR SO UNIQUE THAT IT INDICATES YOUR BELIEF IS THE MOST ORIGINAL AND OLDEST AND THEREFORE THE MOST CORRECT AND SURE.”

I’ve sat with my unbelief. And I’ve realized that if I sever the part of me that is nourished by mystery and metaphor then I will kill myself. I will kill who I am at my core. So, in light of that I have deduced that my healing will not happen if I become atheist in an effort to cope with my hardship and confusion. My most sure path of healing will not include the world of mystery and metaphor but it will be my unique voice. My wilderness cry in a world that has no interest in deep listening. My voice is truly in a desert. It is dry and desolate here and in order to inhabit it you have to have a special skillset that many do not naturally possess nor are they interested in possessing. It’s quiet. The silence alone has born witness to my thought. And, it has been during my contemplation that I have concluded that spirituality cannot and should not be separated from what we consider reality. The gods have always lived among us. They have all at some point or another lived in us in the form of mysteries. Some people shake their fists at mystery because to them mystery is misery. It is a psychological plague. It removes their control and grip on their own understanding of life and as we have seen with the crusades this causes violence because it activates the bruteness and lower vibrational emotions such as anger, hate, superiority, elitism, etc.

As I meditated earlier today I decided, “I will no longer try to separate myth and mystery from science. When I read stories about how demigods came into existence, or how monks and nuns and mystics have levitated during prolonged periods of meditations, or how a scientist used the power of his mind to heal his own broken bones….I understand that the truth lies in the mystery.” Fact doesn’t have to be separated from fiction. Remember the chasm I mentioned? That chasm is space. Space between the intangible and tangible. Space between belief and practiced reality. Space. Did you know that an atom is 99.999999999% empty space? And, if you removed the empty space from the atoms of all people, the entire human race could fit in the volume of a sugar cube? Empty space where there is no obligation to believe a certain doctrine or dogma, empty space where there is no demand for decision, empty space that is completely and infinitely neutral, empty space like this should be inherent and integrated into belief system in the world whether atheistic, polytheistic, or monotheistic.

I came away from my meditation with this specific thought in my mind, “the mysterium, the mythology, theology cannot and never will be reduced down to simple calculation that is explained away by science. Science is the twin flame of spirit.” Little did I know only an hour or so later as I continued my study about physics that I would come across a quote by Nassim Haramein, a unified physics researcher and scientist. He said, “Physics without philosophy is lost in mathematics. You have to have a fundamental concept to write the math that works. And that is called thought, philosophy.”

Today my footing is more sure not because of hard and fast and provable science but because I am intrinsically rooted in mystery. I am found in metaphor. And I await science to discover me.

Yours in thought,

Cozett

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King Mentality

These are truly the days of dreams and visions for me.  This is yet another middle of the night post.  Creativity seems to have saturated every cell of my body.  When I’m awake I’m stewing on manifesting my wildest dreams.  When I’m asleep I have vivid and highly metaphorical dreams.

And in the liminality of the 3 to 6 am time period I am inundated with vision.

So…what is Cozett contemplating at 4:19 am on a Tuesday morning?  The power and beauty of healthy masculinity. And how we can heal our world through the vehicle of it.

The words, “king mentality” kept rolling around in my thoughts so I began to ponder on what it could mean.  What the implications are of such a mentality, what it looks like, and how it can be extracted from centuries of toxic masculinity and off the rails patriarchy.  Naturally, “queen mentality” is the balancer of these mindsets and I will get to that soon.

But right now I have a grand idea.  There are so many books in me.   This concept is one of them.  I feel it’s crucial for our forward movement as a global society.  So with that said please pray that I will have the energy, patience and commitment to see this project through to publishing?  It’s important.  I promise.

All of humanity looks to its past examples of heralded leaders to influence its future course.  It had occurred to me that men who are alive in 2021 and reading this are in a unique and exceptional position at this point in the human race.  There are golden opportunities for men in 2021 that’s never been available to them until now.  Believe it or not if you are a masculine…I truly believe you are alive and reading this for a very special reason and purpose.  You were meant to see this post.  Your inner battle cry has been heard.  Your dreams are important.  Your positive impact can be immeasurable.  You are so needed. Needed but also free.  Free to reign like the king you are IF you recognize what’s being drawn out of the depths of who you are.  You’re being summoned to greatness.  Not like the greatness of the past.  Not like the greatness of Nebuchadnezzar, or Tutankhamun,  or King James, or John Wayne, etc.

No. 2020 served us all up something that will have lasting implications for many lifetimes after this blog is posted and my book is (hopefully) published.

There is not one human life on the earth that hasn’t been touched by the Covid-19 pandemic.  Whether you got sick, know someone who did, mourned someone who died from it…or never got sick, never knew anyone who did and never knew of anyone who died from it and was just irritated by the inconvenience and media coverage of it.  It has affected us all at some level. This should be a common ground for us all.  So don’t lose sight of the value of other humans who wave to you from the other end of the spectrum.

So where am I going with all of this?  This post is a kick-off of sorts for some research I’m going to undertake to interview men from every country of the world.  I am blessed to have an international readership and YouTube community.  I’m so grateful that nearly every single day I am having interesting, if brief, interactions with people from dozens of different countries, religions, and socio-economic contexts.  I talk with people who belong to tribes, live in villages, live in remote places, and have wildly different opinions and world views from my own.

And, I LOVE the tension that is held between my own values and opinions and those of the people who have such different views.  You really can enjoy the company and pressure that sometimes comes from such diversity.  The secret to the thrill and enjoyment of such company is that you each share 2 core values.  #1. Love of humanity.  #2. An open mind that isn’t hostile to being challenged.  In other words an ego that is in check.   If you share just these 2 things…you can enjoy the company of any human regardless of differences.  Talk about opening up new worlds right??  An incredibly rich opportunity to see the world through someone else’s eyes and hear the heartbeat of the earth with someone else’s ears.  To feel perceive and sense with a skin other than your own.  Is that not exciting??

On July 27th 2021 I am eager to discover who the kings of the 3rd millenium are.  They do not rule like their forefathers did.

If you’re familiar with the term, “divine feminine” you probably understand that after thousands of years of masculine rule we have and are shifting into the era of the divine feminine.  The pendulum has swung and the future is female.  It’s not just a nifty feminist soundbite.  It’s the natural progression of the course of humanity. I am stoked to be a woman pioneering in this age.  And because I recognize it I want to make sure I do it right so I can be the trailblazer that this wild and wonderful Universe has called me to be.

I want to be a divine feminine who helps set the stage for a better society for women and girls.  But in wisdom I perceive this can’t be done by “stripping men of their power and puking in the face of patriarchy.”  (As much as I have wanted to at times, admittedly.)  No.  The wise woman is a healer.  And healers are seers of sorts.  They can perceive wounds that others can’t.   They can see the wounds of people who don’t even know they carry them.  That is one thing that the masculine era taught us.  To disconnect from our pain.  Because pain is weakness and weakness is vulnerability and vulnerability does not perpetuate the human race. 

So how can I best serve women and girls and the feminine collective? I can do this by reaching out to the masculine collective and encourage them to come up higher.  I mean that’s one of the largest roots of societal problems around the world right?  The majority of ALL violence is committed by men.  Rapes, wars, murders, oppression, religious domination, originated and have been perpetuated largely by men.  All of those things are symptoms.   Not that men are bad.  Not that patriarchy is by nature toxic.  No.  Patriarchy is fatherhood.  Good fathers are indeed like shepherds.  Protectors.  Nurturers.  We’ve been given a bad example.  We have been living for thousands of centuries with toxic masculinity.  But it only exists because of wounds and to some degree the early drives to survive and escape dinosaurs and such.

So this is one of my plans to make the world a better place.  I want to hear from YOU. 

What in your mind is a king? 

What in your mind defines healthy masculinity?

Who have been positive masculine examples in your life?  Whether personally or perhaps some public figure.

As we dance into the feminine era and tap in to all the mysterious and esoteric wisdom, and healing it offers…I still wanna hear it…for the boy…(Song: Let’s hear it for the boy by Deniece Williams.)

#divinemasculine #divinefeminine #cozettcontemplates #divinefemininerising #patriarchy #toxicmasculinity #inspiration #blogger #writer #international #King #KingMentality #Queen #queenmentality

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Turkiye

It’s 3:51 am…and I just wanna be in Turkey.  I’m curled up under my weighted blanket and have my lamp on dim.  My eyes are fixed on the large world map I just put on my wall and my newly updated vision board.

My vision board is too personal to show.  But, if you could see it you would see pics of the Turkish flag  and the bright blue water of the Mediterranean. 

In my mind’s eye I see me walking down the shore just before sunset.  Feeling the fine gravel and tiny rocks of the earthy beach.  I’m looking out over the ocean dreaming big about what’s on its way to me.

The work I want to do there.  It would be enough for me to sit alone on the beach or in some restaurant.  Just to feel the vibration of the culture.   The people.   Even if I don’t “know” them…I somehow know them.  The thrill of simple and honest observation of the buzz of life there is a source of endless curiosity for me.

The pitch and tone of their language is so beautiful.   It has a cadence that rings of innocence and purity.  The way they carry themselves, their mannerisms, gestures, facial expressions reveal a peculiar inner radiance.
The way they interact with their children is awe-inspiring.  There is a depth of uninhibited warmth and reverence for children there.  Even when there are public announcements being made it was never a generic, “ladies and gentlemen we will be landing soon…or ladies and genetleman please enjoy the entertainment….”  It was always, “Ladies and gentleman and DEAR children….”

Children are always included in their announcements.  As someone who suffered a traumatic childhood I LOVE that they feel it important to directly address little ones to keep them informed and make them feel safe and included. 

Right now I long to be in some city center there.  Perhaps sitting on a park bench across from a mosque .  Taking in the opulent and unique and ancient architecture.  Observing their going in and coming out and tapping into their energy to see if I can feel if they had some profound spiritual experience.

As an American who has lived my entire life in the Bible belt but also acutely aware that my faith has its roots in Turkey…I have to say the Muslim call to prayer fills me with a deep sense of stillness that makes me feel immediately and instantly grounded and centered.  It never fails that I am covered in chills and struggle to keep tears in check when I hear it.  The sound overwhelms me and makes me feel so small.  So…held by the large unseen force I know as God.  I feel enveloped and absorbed into something bigger than myself.  Something mysterious.  Something grander than my own my aspirations. 

I can feel the robust and rolling vibrato on my skin.  I feel it within as well.  At my core.   The resonance seems to shift things inside me. 

I don’t know what the future holds for me there.  I just know that when my feet touched the earth there I felt like I was at home and was going to be there many more times.  I felt a sense of purpose.  Dignity.  Ambition.  Hope. Inspiration.  I felt these things more deeply than I ever have.  I felt truly alive.

The ripple effect is proving to be a lasting one.  My toes are still painted with the Turkish flag as my pedicure is still good.  Soon it will fade.  But for now everytime I’ve looked at my feet since I’ve been home I get this metaphorical lesson that my feet….belong on Turkish ground. 

I won’t be happy until I can feel the earth and sand that is Turkish land sifting between my toes and leaving grit around my nail beds. It’s not enough for me to be some happy tourist.  I have a work to be done there.  I don’t know what it is. I just know it calls to me day and night.  I see it in my dreams and wake up thinking I’m still there only to look out my window and see that I’m still in my little healing haven on a Red Bank cul-de-sac. I love Red Bank.  I love Tennessee.  I love the beauty of the south here.  It’s my springboard and contrast that has led me to pursue and embrace some of my wildest dreams.

From Tennessee to Turkey…who’d have thought?  I think my soul always knew though.  And not just Turkey but the continents it graces.  It is not just a bridge between two continents for me.  But, a bridge between worlds.  A bridge between realms.  A passage between 3D and 5D.  A unique trail marked just for me. Harrowing and heartening all at the same time.  Beautiful and bittersweet as it’s a line of demarcation marking the moment of one of the greatest transformations of my life.  A chaotic catalyst that will never allow me to go back to the way things were.  I can never be the same woman I was before I left.  Coming back onto US soil I stepped out into the humidity of a southern night on the 4th of July and realized I was having my own personal independence day of sorts. I’d broken free from the tyranny of trauma.  I’d emancipated myself.  I stepped into the woman I always hoped I’d become.  One who had traveled alone and against the odds.  There was literally NOTHING in my reality that could have indicated I could successfully pull that trip off.  There was plenty of uncertainty and unknowns and fear based illusions that could have held me back.

But I chose to jump into the chasm.  I assaulted the abyss of aberration.   I dove into the hands of the cosmos and tasked the universe to catch me before I hit bottom or came to a tragic end.  And it did just that.

It’s like I experienced zero gravity after my jump.  I never went down.  Only up.  It was disorienting because suddenly reality wasn’t playing by the rules.   Things were turning out far better than I could have dreamed.  Where I should have fallen I rose.  Where I should have stumbled I lifted off the ground and flew.  Where I should have ran…I paused and allowed myself to have all the overwhelming sensory experiences that would have ordinarily put me in bed for a week to recover from.

It was like time stood still.  Like I had cracked the code to the matrix.   I began bending my reality and smithing it.  In my hand a hammer and at my feet an anvil.  In between was my destiny with lots of heat and fire.  The force of my blows shaping it intentionally.  Shaping me and my own humanity.  My spirit.   My essence.  With skillful tongs I kept repositioning until all sides had received the proper amount of blows.  And then what emerged from the fire and all the beating took me aback.  What I witnessed forever changed the way I perceive myself.

Turkey, I promise I’ll be back.  I promise I will dedicate some of the best of my life’s energy to exploring you.  It feels as though we’re both excited about that.

Cheers to the glory that is you.

Love,
Cozett

#turkiye #turkey #antalya #istanbul #cozettcontemplates #lifecoach #inspiration #blogger #redbanktn #tennessee #borderless #travelblogger #traveltheworld

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Hermetic Wisdom In Modern Times: The Behavior of Jesus

Isaiah 53:7 He was oppressed and afflicted, yet he did not open his mouth; he was led like a lamb to the slaughter, and as a sheep before its shearers is silent, so he did not open his mouth.

Romans 8:35-36

Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? 36 As it is written:

“For your sake we face death all day long;
    we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered.”

Ecclesiastes 3:1,7- To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven: ….a time to keep silence and a time to speak.

Jesus. My favorite wisdom Teacher. One of my all time favorite qualities about Jesus was “how” He demonstrated wisdom. Why? Because His wisdom was always illogical. His wisdom was countercultural. His wisdom operated illegally. By law He was guilty of breaking the law of sabbath. So what happened in this moment of lawlessness that made Him guilty? He cured someone. Healed a woman who had been crippled in her back for 18 years. I mean….it had gone on 18 years I’m sure it could’ve waited till it wasn’t the Sabbath day right?? But Jesus demonstrated that taking care of His fellow human was more important than what religion said He should or should not be doing with His life. Let’s take it a step further shall we? A human of whom was whispered to be the very Son of YHWH. YHWH in human form if you will. So the question would be: “If this man believes Himself to be the very Son of YHWH then why is He breaking YHWH’s laws?” That fruit don’t line up does it? Or…does it?

This is a very elementary example but I honestly don’t believe if I used any of the more complex instances that this post would be palatable or perceivable. Heck it probably won’t be anyway. And, this is where I want to segue into the wisdom and time of silence.

From the mainstream universally acceptable accounts of Jesus’ life He doesn’t come across as either chatty or quiet. He spoke tenderly to the impoverished masses and to the demon possessed and to His own protege. But, more often than not when he would speak to His fellow religious leaders His words were cunning and terse. And, at least in one instance His voice was raised as He wreaked havoc in the temple. It cut Him to His core to see what course religious practices had run. It was alarming to Him. It was infuriating to Him. But, to the earnest devotees of the temple His actions were completely out of order. Why? The fact that their routines and their doctrines produced what He saw in the temple….was lost on them. It did not occur to them that what they were doing as regular attendees was actually disgusting.

The people were so careful to tithe even their kitchen herbs!! They would bring a tenth of all their mint, cumin, dill, etc. But they would neglect the more important issues. Issues like, “Love your neighbor as yourself.” Like, don’t give me your herbs, your doves, your sacrifices, your harvests…..SHOW ME you LOVING YOUR FELLOW HUMAN and PREFERRING YOUR FELLOW HUMAN as BETTER THAN YOURSELF. THAT is what He wanted to see! To hell with the herbs. What about the humans?? What about the cruel idiocy of religion to restrict and then penalize even Jesus for curing another human all because it was done “on the wrong day.”

He said something to the effect of, “you tithe your herbs and mint and cumin but you neglect the weightier matters of the law.” Basically, you strain at gnats but swallow camels! Or you nitpick about things that aren’t as important as other things but when it comes to the big things you just miss it all the way around. Examples of this would be Christian extremist groups who decry women preachers. They spend money, time, prayer, fasting, warning, admonishing, preaching against, speaking out on social media against women preachers and they invest themselves into proving someone wrong rather than focusing on the weightier matter. What is that matter? Loving others the way they themselves want to be loved. God’s love is robust. So, when I hear people say, “Love the person hate the sin.” I want to vomit. Am I saying God loves sin? Nope. I am saying that God’s love is all encompassing. Enveloping. And….it is not dualistic.

I was once part of mainstream, evangelical Christianity. I grew up as a Jehovah’s witness. At the age of 12 my cousin took me to a Pentecostal Church and I FELL IN LOVE with the atmosphere of worship and preaching. When I heard and felt what I heard and felt in that service I knew when I got older that’s all I wanted for my life. Well. God works in mysterious ways doesn’t He? So as an adult I got into church and it was evident to the elders and pastor that I had a gift to preach and expound the Bible. Long story short I spent many years pastoring and evangelizing. Assistant Pastor and holding revivals and doing conferences. I made hospital visits at all hours of the night. I’ve attended and been a part of exorcisms. And, laid hands on and prayed for more people than I can count. Additionally, I pursued a Bachelor’s degree in Bible at Lee University with the intentions of going on to seminary.

As my ministry grew my (now ex) husband shrank back and became completely disinterested in church. He despised that I was preaching and praying and worshipping. He gave me an ultimatum. Give up my dream of preaching, speaking and teaching and go into full time real estate…or else. So, I dropped my dream because obviously my marriage was more important to God than what He had called me to do from the foundation of the world. It was the right religious wife thing to do. And. I was bloody miserable. I told him that if I did this it would negatively effect our marriage. But, he insisted. He was greedy. I desperately didn’t want to quit so I tried working 2 full time jobs. Ministry and real estate. Staying at the office till 11 pm so many nights. Crying over deals with issues that had nothing to do with me yet I caught the brunt of the anger of it because I was their agent and it was a reflection on me. Then I’d leave and respond to hospital calls from members of the church who were sick or in accidents. Then I’d prepare my sermons and preach the next morning. It was like this for a year or more and I broke. I had nothing at home in the way of comfort. My husband was very stoic, harsh and rarely showed me the affection due a wife. When I came home I needed a safe haven and there was none save solitude. So I stayed in the bedroom and prayed through the pangs of guilt for working so much and resigning from the church.

Long story short I left him. I was miserable. He was mean. And, the trauma of 17 years of mental, emotional and verbal abuse broke my spirit. I never cried after I left. You see I had mourned and grieved my marriage many years before it was over. To this day I don’t know if I’m just so wounded that I’m numb and can’t feel bad about leaving or if I just properly and thoroughly grieved it and I am genuinely ok.

Now, here I was a former pastor and evangelist and divorcee’. I needed a break from church because I was mad at God for not making my husband a better person. I was mad because in spite of all the tears, praying, fasting, and gut-wrenching pleading to change myself so I could be more acceptable to my husband….NOTHING changed. I felt like God left me hanging.

So, I took a hiatus from the church. I thought perhaps after I had healed I could start visiting again to find a new home church and get back in an atmosphere of worship. Worship is my big thing. I am a worshipper through and through. And, I missed that more than anything or anyone else.

Years later I finally decided to start visiting. Found a few places I liked and felt comfortable at and then…..TRUMP happened. And my previously tender hearted “non-political” friends who refused to vote suddenly started literally singing his praises and making short-sighted dogmatic statements that basically say, “if you aren’t republican then you are not of God.” This is their belief system. I found it repulsive and very eye-opening. It was a catalystic moment for me. Why did I find it very eye-opening? Why did I find their actions to be a catalyst for my life? For the same reasons Jesus found religion and the religiously devoted to be repulsive and blind. I’ll give it to you in the Words and Thoughts of my Rabbi from an account in the Gospel of John 2:23-25 in the Amplified version (which is extremely accurate. Way more accurate than King James Version since it is a direct translation from original manuscripts rather than a translation of other translations fit for the English language.

“Now when He was in Jerusalem at the Passover feast, many believed in His name [identifying themselves with Him] after seeing His signs (attesting miracles) which He was doing. 24 But Jesus, for His part, did not entrust Himself to them, because He knew all people [and understood the superficiality and fickleness of human nature], 25 and He did not need anyone to testify concerning man [and human nature], for He Himself knew what was in man [in their hearts—in the very core of their being].

Jesus knew that He could not entrust Himself to certain people because He knew what was “in them.” Their fickle nature and short-sightedness and ego and craftily obscured hate via what we now know as id.

I know that I cannot entrust my light. I cannot entrust my enlightenment to just anyone. I cannot entrust certain layers and complexities of myself to most people. I suspect that just this post alone will be enough to cause feelings of grief, anger, confusion, disillusionment and disappointment. But, I am unapologetically me. I am unapologetically enlightened. That’s not something I can back down from.

God told me years ago that I would be like a city on a hill. I know this to be true. He also gave me Isaiah 54 and promised that all my (spiritual) offspring will be taught by YHWH Himself.

So in God’s wisdom guess what I’m going to do with that. I’m not gonna hide my light, per se. But, probably to the great relief of many who read this….I will retreat and run away with it. Why? Because for me…it is a season of silence. I have lost all desire to engage in or debate or to even have light exchange when it comes to “how” authentic Christianity is expressed. I just know what we are seeing now by and large, is not it.

I have very little to say about the current state of our world and politics and communities and churches and religions. Why? Because my words do not matter. All that matters right now is silence. And that silence is wisdom and wisdom will be proven right by her offspring.

Everyday I feel like I face a form of death. The death of my ego and super-ego and id. The death of my mental health as I hear about the rampant state of Covid. The death of my emotional health as I scroll through my feed and see Christian friends pronouncing people who aren’t like them as damned to hell, not of God, deceived or otherwise separated from God due to their lifestyle or behavior not lining up with the Word! Well guess what??? When Jesus healed that person on the sabbath….The WORD HIMSELF DIDN’T EVEN LINE UP WITH THE WORD!! (Torah).

We have got to get over ourselves and remove these self-installed mantles of morality and do the real work. The authentic work of faith. I ain’t even gonna outline what I think that is. Why? Because it’s time people of faith have their brains exercised by open-ended questions rather closed-ended dogmas.

Maranatha,

Cozett

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