Tag: Esoteric

Turkiye

It’s 3:51 am…and I just wanna be in Turkey.  I’m curled up under my weighted blanket and have my lamp on dim.  My eyes are fixed on the large world map I just put on my wall and my newly updated vision board.

My vision board is too personal to show.  But, if you could see it you would see pics of the Turkish flag  and the bright blue water of the Mediterranean. 

In my mind’s eye I see me walking down the shore just before sunset.  Feeling the fine gravel and tiny rocks of the earthy beach.  I’m looking out over the ocean dreaming big about what’s on its way to me.

The work I want to do there.  It would be enough for me to sit alone on the beach or in some restaurant.  Just to feel the vibration of the culture.   The people.   Even if I don’t “know” them…I somehow know them.  The thrill of simple and honest observation of the buzz of life there is a source of endless curiosity for me.

The pitch and tone of their language is so beautiful.   It has a cadence that rings of innocence and purity.  The way they carry themselves, their mannerisms, gestures, facial expressions reveal a peculiar inner radiance.
The way they interact with their children is awe-inspiring.  There is a depth of uninhibited warmth and reverence for children there.  Even when there are public announcements being made it was never a generic, “ladies and gentlemen we will be landing soon…or ladies and genetleman please enjoy the entertainment….”  It was always, “Ladies and gentleman and DEAR children….”

Children are always included in their announcements.  As someone who suffered a traumatic childhood I LOVE that they feel it important to directly address little ones to keep them informed and make them feel safe and included. 

Right now I long to be in some city center there.  Perhaps sitting on a park bench across from a mosque .  Taking in the opulent and unique and ancient architecture.  Observing their going in and coming out and tapping into their energy to see if I can feel if they had some profound spiritual experience.

As an American who has lived my entire life in the Bible belt but also acutely aware that my faith has its roots in Turkey…I have to say the Muslim call to prayer fills me with a deep sense of stillness that makes me feel immediately and instantly grounded and centered.  It never fails that I am covered in chills and struggle to keep tears in check when I hear it.  The sound overwhelms me and makes me feel so small.  So…held by the large unseen force I know as God.  I feel enveloped and absorbed into something bigger than myself.  Something mysterious.  Something grander than my own my aspirations. 

I can feel the robust and rolling vibrato on my skin.  I feel it within as well.  At my core.   The resonance seems to shift things inside me. 

I don’t know what the future holds for me there.  I just know that when my feet touched the earth there I felt like I was at home and was going to be there many more times.  I felt a sense of purpose.  Dignity.  Ambition.  Hope. Inspiration.  I felt these things more deeply than I ever have.  I felt truly alive.

The ripple effect is proving to be a lasting one.  My toes are still painted with the Turkish flag as my pedicure is still good.  Soon it will fade.  But for now everytime I’ve looked at my feet since I’ve been home I get this metaphorical lesson that my feet….belong on Turkish ground. 

I won’t be happy until I can feel the earth and sand that is Turkish land sifting between my toes and leaving grit around my nail beds. It’s not enough for me to be some happy tourist.  I have a work to be done there.  I don’t know what it is. I just know it calls to me day and night.  I see it in my dreams and wake up thinking I’m still there only to look out my window and see that I’m still in my little healing haven on a Red Bank cul-de-sac. I love Red Bank.  I love Tennessee.  I love the beauty of the south here.  It’s my springboard and contrast that has led me to pursue and embrace some of my wildest dreams.

From Tennessee to Turkey…who’d have thought?  I think my soul always knew though.  And not just Turkey but the continents it graces.  It is not just a bridge between two continents for me.  But, a bridge between worlds.  A bridge between realms.  A passage between 3D and 5D.  A unique trail marked just for me. Harrowing and heartening all at the same time.  Beautiful and bittersweet as it’s a line of demarcation marking the moment of one of the greatest transformations of my life.  A chaotic catalyst that will never allow me to go back to the way things were.  I can never be the same woman I was before I left.  Coming back onto US soil I stepped out into the humidity of a southern night on the 4th of July and realized I was having my own personal independence day of sorts. I’d broken free from the tyranny of trauma.  I’d emancipated myself.  I stepped into the woman I always hoped I’d become.  One who had traveled alone and against the odds.  There was literally NOTHING in my reality that could have indicated I could successfully pull that trip off.  There was plenty of uncertainty and unknowns and fear based illusions that could have held me back.

But I chose to jump into the chasm.  I assaulted the abyss of aberration.   I dove into the hands of the cosmos and tasked the universe to catch me before I hit bottom or came to a tragic end.  And it did just that.

It’s like I experienced zero gravity after my jump.  I never went down.  Only up.  It was disorienting because suddenly reality wasn’t playing by the rules.   Things were turning out far better than I could have dreamed.  Where I should have fallen I rose.  Where I should have stumbled I lifted off the ground and flew.  Where I should have ran…I paused and allowed myself to have all the overwhelming sensory experiences that would have ordinarily put me in bed for a week to recover from.

It was like time stood still.  Like I had cracked the code to the matrix.   I began bending my reality and smithing it.  In my hand a hammer and at my feet an anvil.  In between was my destiny with lots of heat and fire.  The force of my blows shaping it intentionally.  Shaping me and my own humanity.  My spirit.   My essence.  With skillful tongs I kept repositioning until all sides had received the proper amount of blows.  And then what emerged from the fire and all the beating took me aback.  What I witnessed forever changed the way I perceive myself.

Turkey, I promise I’ll be back.  I promise I will dedicate some of the best of my life’s energy to exploring you.  It feels as though we’re both excited about that.

Cheers to the glory that is you.

Love,
Cozett

#turkiye #turkey #antalya #istanbul #cozettcontemplates #lifecoach #inspiration #blogger #redbanktn #tennessee #borderless #travelblogger #traveltheworld

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Joyful Abandon and the Face of Wisdom: The Tao Te Ching and Children Playing

I’m currently lying in the grass reading the Tao Te Ching and occasionally glancing at children play and it is giving me life. The subtle wisdom of the Tao Te Ching coupled with kids playing in the backdrop…the implications of this scenario isn’t lost on me. It’s so interesting watching them sled the hill.  Some are natural daredevils and have no fear. They run and jump onto their cardboard get up speed then fall off and tumble the rest of the way down the hill. With all the bumps, mud, grass and scraped elbows they laugh with total abandon.

Others are afraid of gaining too much speed.  They freeze up and the sled stops. Or, they won’t kick quite hard enough to build momentum.  They look all around them estimating how close other kids are to make sure they don’t get collide.  Often they will sit still on the sled for several minutes afraid to launch.

Some wanna be daredevils but are overthinking their short sled ride. They try out dozens of different angles and sections of the hill.  They experiment with which end of their cardboard will glide best.  They can’t seem to find just the perfect combination of slope, angle, and projected landing point.  One will literally stop his ride to pick up the cardboards around him that other kids left behind.   He didn’t focus on his sled ride but allowed it to be interrupted by what others left lying behind.

Can I just chime in here and show my solidarity with the overthinkers?  I see you.  The ride ahead looks amazing.  But, it’s those “what ifs” that hold us back.  In reality the ride is very short and in the long term it doesn’t really matter how you tackle the ride just that you DO tackle the ride!  See where I’m going with this?

If I had a dollar for everytime I waged war with my what ifs, I would be a wealthy woman.  I come from a family of engineers and it’s in my blood to engineer out every possible negative scenario before embarking on any adventure.

But, I can honestly say that because I know this about myself I always push ahead. I would rather do it and fail than deal with the longing unfulfilled due to fear.

So, while I am the overthinker of my peer group I still find myself with some jewels of stories that others could never imagine. I have adventure stories that I will take to my grave 😏. Where the unimaginable is…is where I long to be…and have been.

In short I wanna look back at my life as the kid who deep down was filled with fear but did it anyway.

Now. I gotta tell you the funny reactions from the adults/guardians of these kids. Tell me if you can find yourself in any of them??

Dad 1: (Flabbergasted)  “you’re so dirty when we get home I’m just gonna beat you with a broom.”

Mom 1: (The tough parent) “oh c’mon now you said, “ouch” before you even hit the ground.

Mom 2:  (I give up mode) “when we get home just stand in the driveway and we will hose you off”

Which kid are you? Which guardian are you?

In whichever ones you find yourself I hope that you find your awe in the sense of adventure and the loving willingness that says, “yeah you got really dirty. But I’d clean you up a thousand times if it means you get to experience joyful abandon.”

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The Cure For Our Disease

Wanting nothing gaining everything

Detach and declare to the deviant mind

Snatch the nightmare that threatens to bind

Shod your feet with the finest of soil

Worthwhile reward for your labor and toil

Running circles stamping out fire

Will it matter when you’re on the pyre?

Detach and declare victory to the overworked mind

Then come to me to rest…seek and you will find

Floating above the masses in awakening

Mind, body and soul quaking

It wasn’t hard to leave it behind

I left a breadcrumb trail for those inclined

Shaken…not stirred

As my dream engine whirred

We’ll meet in the ether

The pathway there is gold beneath her

Higher, higher and higher still

The only way I reach it just now is with a quill

The feather of which lufts me with ease

This may be the cure for our disease

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We Are All A Walking Eclipse

You…yes you.  And I.  As long as we are in this body we will be both darkness and light.  The intensity of the darkness and light will fluctuate in intensity as we journey.  That is because none of us are static.  We are not fixed beings.

I don’t care how much work Jesus does in you.  I don’t care how much inner work you do.  How much space you hold.  How many vices you conquer.   You will NOT take your last breath in a state of 100% virtue.

Since that’s the case…why are we so freaking uncomfortable when we see both darkness and light in another person?

I am convinced if we are ever going to attain the pinnacle of what is possible for existence in a flesh suit…then we have to embrace non-dualism and surrender any inclinations we may have in whipping morality or high ideals into the people around us.

Morality, love, virtue…these are things that laws cannot create.

Why do I want to be a good person?  It’s not because of my fear of being locked up or penalized if I don’t meet someone else’s expectations and measure up to their ideals.

It’s because I am inspired by the behavior of other good people.  Not because there is a cop, a preacher, a sheikh, a Buddha or some other moral “authority” looming large over me.

When I see good and it’s impact…it’s the example not the threat that provokes me to aspire to do and be better.

I promise you this. Your light makes people jealous.  Your darkness makes people want to capitalize on your weakness so that they appear more blameless.

Either way you go….you are going to make someone uncomfortable.   You are going to make someone mad.  You are going to encounter jealousy.

And, when you are comfortable letting other people see….really really see your nature that is both dark and light it will either push them out of your life because they haven’t grown to a point they are able to accommodate the grandness and the mystery that is you OR it will draw them into a place where they can FINALLY love and accept themselves and get unstuck in life.

The greatest gift we can give someone else is love.  And, love is so much more expansive than we give it credit for. 

I heard a quote recently from Hamlet.  “There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy.”

None of us have a monopoly on the understanding of the profundity and full implication of love.

Love is an ever unfolding multiverse in and of itself.  The bounds of it can’t be found.  So why do we want to bind people to what we should acknowledge is a limited and flawed philosophy of love?

I am pro human.  I love and embrace your humanity. It is no threat to me.  I celebrate the nuanced picture I am able to see of you.   We all have non-congruent qualities.  For many people….recognizing non-congruent qualities in another person often is taken as a red flag.  But, the majority of the time there is no reason for that.  It is a survival instinct.  It is a base instinct.

All my life I have felt like someone on the outside of life looking in at everyone else.  I have tons of non-congruent qualities.  Sometimes that bothers me (particularly if I’ve spent any time around people who are naturally critical and easily offended.)  Other times these qualities are a comfort for me, things that amuse me about myself that puts a sparkle in my eyes because I find myself so funny for holding so much darkness and light at the same time.

I am so tired of living life on the auto pilot that is political correctness.  I am over living my life in fawn mode with a false sense of guilt over religious expectations.  I will never be completely virtuous.  And, you won’t either. 

I will continue to live my life inspired and called by goodness rather than in mindless reaction to fear of chastisement.   There is no fear in love right? 

My greatest desire in life is to empower and encourage people to be who they are authentically without fear of some sort of being exiled for being who they are.  Got darkness?  Great!! Me too!!  Got light??  Awesome!! Shine with me??  Let’s prove to the world that we are inherently both and that IS inherently ok.

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“Hate to be so emotional
I didn’t mean to get physical
But when he pulled in and revved it up
I said you call that a pickup truck
And in the moonlight I throwed him down
A kicking, screaming, a rolling around
A little piece of a bloody tooth
Just so you know I was thinking of you
Just so you know I was oh….” Kings of Leon- Pickup Truck.

My new way of processing the hardships of life is stealing away in these hard to find moments to just sit in the pouring rain. Life has been so much I feel myself losing all ability to be apologetic. I am just so done with the prevailing criticism and unforgiving and merciless culture that our country has found itself in.

In my life love, mercy, compassion, accommodation, and hospitality rule. I have zero desire to analyze my fellow humans for the sake of pointing out perceived character flaws. I have zero desire to sensitize myself to potential offense.

Humanity is swampy. We are like one giant mosh pit of beliefs, traditions, cultures, philosophies, etc. It is inevitable we are going to crash into each other in this grand concert of life. It is inevitable someone is gonna sweat on us. Someone is gonna trip us, fall into us, push us. And if you can’t handle that and you’re so touchy then maybe the human experience isn’t for you.

And just like in the thrill of crowdsurfing at a concert someone is…..going to drop you. And if that is too much for you to handle then don’t bother going for the adventure to begin with.

I remember a concert back in my late teens. It was a grunge band. In this massive arena I was able to secure a spot on the floor and center stage of one of my favorite bands. There were people smoking, and screaming and moshing and just fully living the experience. I decided to jump into a mosh pit and found myself lifted up and crowdsurfing. It all happened so fast (life happens so fast.) It was such a rush!! I don’t even know how long I was above the crowd. It was so much fun and so wild and seemingly outta control. And I loved it. The people who were bearing me up in their hands were cheering and sweating and I felt so alive. But, it hurt. Their hands dug into my spine, bruised my back and my legs, cut my arm and I lost one of my shoes and then as quickly as I had been hoisted into the air as my favorite band roared about their own existential crisis (typical of grunge bands. If you know you know.) I was dropped.

I fell all my weight onto one of my knees and then some dude got pushed and he fell over me and stepped on my fingers.

And you know what??? I wouldn’t effin change that experience. Ever.

Are you kidding me?? A teenager. Front row, center stage. No. I am not going to complain. I am going to live.

There is a price to pay if you want to fully live.

There is a price to pay if you dare live out who you really are on the inside.

In life…you have front row, center stage with all the glory and frailty of humanity swirling around you.

Are you going to hone in on every person who accidentally crashes into your ego?? Because if you find yourself offended at someone else’s shortcomings and they’re not “measuring up” to your “reasonable” standards then that’s where you are. You’re in your ego. You’re in yourself. You’re foolishly squandering your front row, center stage.

And when you look back you’re not gonna remember the concert. No. You’re gonna remember, “well this person didn’t do this or that person didn’t do that or this person just isn’t a person of character. “

And all the while you’ve lost the big picture.

You surmise that the totality of a person’s nature can only be seen and measured by the moments they dropped you. By the moments they crashed into you.

Forsaking the understanding that we are all human and we are all doing the best we can with the time we have.

STOP living in perpetual offense! You have front row, center stage. The grunge band is roaring. You will never have this moment again. Can you hear my pleading??

Does anyone hear what I’m trying to say?? Am I alone in this??

In the rain at Renaissance Park in Chattanooga, TN
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Reflections On Dualism: Transitioning Into Greater Dimensions

I’ve slept maybe 3 hours. I’ve thought all night about subjectivity and relativity. About vibrance and frailty. About the fading nature of seemingly pinnacle pursuits and how very much I’ve grown as a human and am growing. I have undergone major paradigm shifts in the last 3 years or so and pain and sorrow have been the catalysts for all of them. My philosophy about the human experience has always been a circumspect one. But there has been an added robustness to my circumspection over the last few years. I have shed and shed and shed old skin to the point that I often feel raw and vulnerable and uncertain if I have the toughness that comes with older skin to endure my journey onward.

But I truly understand now that while tough skin may feel more comfortable as it is harder to the elements it is also the epitome of an attempt to constrain something that is boundless and infinite in nature and that is my inner world. My inner self.

What a walking contradiction we each are.

The way our brains interpret the world around us and cobble together a conscious reality is fascinating, beautiful and brute all at the same time. We will only ever possess a fragmented reality at best. You will never fully know me and I will never fully know you. But blessed are they who journey inwardly. In as much that we might better know ourselves and grasp at the shadows and light that we all have within us with unashamed and unapologetic courage and tenacity.

It’s not enough to know yourself in your most basic survivalistic form. In fact if that’s all you ever know it’s a smack in the face and an insult to your purpose and your fleeting time in service to your fellow humans.

There is so much more to you….than the you that you currently know. There is an entire ether that lies below your skin and in between every cell in your body.

You are worth the discovery. And if you are not trekking through the no man’s land of your inner world, your shadow lands and exploring the brilliant multi-faceted and multi-dimensional landscapes of your soul then you are missing out on one of the most mysterious wonders of this world.

Today I call you to rise. You are capable of greater. You are inherently expansive. You are on this planet at this time for a grand reason. Find it. And once you find it….pursue it, hone it, experiment feeling in advance all the potential emotions that would accompany it.

Our emotions are not truths in and of themselves. But they are wonderful devices for alchemizing pain. And that alchemy can lead us to places where we continually set and achieve higher goals. Goals with ends that cannot be contained within fading contexts and ever changing realities.

There is more. There is so much more for you and to you.

In our current culture we are so set on analyzing every word, every movement and nuance we pick up on in someone else.

It is time to turn our gaze inward and realize that time spent analyzing someone would be better spent knowing yourself.

I urge you to pay attention to how much time you spend sizing others up and trying to determine who you think they are (because you will never actually know that) versus how much time you spend trying to discover parts of yourself that have lied dormant and neglected because you’ve invested so much time and energy determining why you should either demonize or saint someone outside yourself.

Continue reading “Reflections On Dualism: Transitioning Into Greater Dimensions” →
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Hermetic Wisdom In Modern Times: The Behavior of Jesus

Isaiah 53:7 He was oppressed and afflicted, yet he did not open his mouth; he was led like a lamb to the slaughter, and as a sheep before its shearers is silent, so he did not open his mouth.

Romans 8:35-36

Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? 36 As it is written:

“For your sake we face death all day long;
    we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered.”

Ecclesiastes 3:1,7- To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven: ….a time to keep silence and a time to speak.

Jesus. My favorite wisdom Teacher. One of my all time favorite qualities about Jesus was “how” He demonstrated wisdom. Why? Because His wisdom was always illogical. His wisdom was countercultural. His wisdom operated illegally. By law He was guilty of breaking the law of sabbath. So what happened in this moment of lawlessness that made Him guilty? He cured someone. Healed a woman who had been crippled in her back for 18 years. I mean….it had gone on 18 years I’m sure it could’ve waited till it wasn’t the Sabbath day right?? But Jesus demonstrated that taking care of His fellow human was more important than what religion said He should or should not be doing with His life. Let’s take it a step further shall we? A human of whom was whispered to be the very Son of YHWH. YHWH in human form if you will. So the question would be: “If this man believes Himself to be the very Son of YHWH then why is He breaking YHWH’s laws?” That fruit don’t line up does it? Or…does it?

This is a very elementary example but I honestly don’t believe if I used any of the more complex instances that this post would be palatable or perceivable. Heck it probably won’t be anyway. And, this is where I want to segue into the wisdom and time of silence.

From the mainstream universally acceptable accounts of Jesus’ life He doesn’t come across as either chatty or quiet. He spoke tenderly to the impoverished masses and to the demon possessed and to His own protege. But, more often than not when he would speak to His fellow religious leaders His words were cunning and terse. And, at least in one instance His voice was raised as He wreaked havoc in the temple. It cut Him to His core to see what course religious practices had run. It was alarming to Him. It was infuriating to Him. But, to the earnest devotees of the temple His actions were completely out of order. Why? The fact that their routines and their doctrines produced what He saw in the temple….was lost on them. It did not occur to them that what they were doing as regular attendees was actually disgusting.

The people were so careful to tithe even their kitchen herbs!! They would bring a tenth of all their mint, cumin, dill, etc. But they would neglect the more important issues. Issues like, “Love your neighbor as yourself.” Like, don’t give me your herbs, your doves, your sacrifices, your harvests…..SHOW ME you LOVING YOUR FELLOW HUMAN and PREFERRING YOUR FELLOW HUMAN as BETTER THAN YOURSELF. THAT is what He wanted to see! To hell with the herbs. What about the humans?? What about the cruel idiocy of religion to restrict and then penalize even Jesus for curing another human all because it was done “on the wrong day.”

He said something to the effect of, “you tithe your herbs and mint and cumin but you neglect the weightier matters of the law.” Basically, you strain at gnats but swallow camels! Or you nitpick about things that aren’t as important as other things but when it comes to the big things you just miss it all the way around. Examples of this would be Christian extremist groups who decry women preachers. They spend money, time, prayer, fasting, warning, admonishing, preaching against, speaking out on social media against women preachers and they invest themselves into proving someone wrong rather than focusing on the weightier matter. What is that matter? Loving others the way they themselves want to be loved. God’s love is robust. So, when I hear people say, “Love the person hate the sin.” I want to vomit. Am I saying God loves sin? Nope. I am saying that God’s love is all encompassing. Enveloping. And….it is not dualistic.

I was once part of mainstream, evangelical Christianity. I grew up as a Jehovah’s witness. At the age of 12 my cousin took me to a Pentecostal Church and I FELL IN LOVE with the atmosphere of worship and preaching. When I heard and felt what I heard and felt in that service I knew when I got older that’s all I wanted for my life. Well. God works in mysterious ways doesn’t He? So as an adult I got into church and it was evident to the elders and pastor that I had a gift to preach and expound the Bible. Long story short I spent many years pastoring and evangelizing. Assistant Pastor and holding revivals and doing conferences. I made hospital visits at all hours of the night. I’ve attended and been a part of exorcisms. And, laid hands on and prayed for more people than I can count. Additionally, I pursued a Bachelor’s degree in Bible at Lee University with the intentions of going on to seminary.

As my ministry grew my (now ex) husband shrank back and became completely disinterested in church. He despised that I was preaching and praying and worshipping. He gave me an ultimatum. Give up my dream of preaching, speaking and teaching and go into full time real estate…or else. So, I dropped my dream because obviously my marriage was more important to God than what He had called me to do from the foundation of the world. It was the right religious wife thing to do. And. I was bloody miserable. I told him that if I did this it would negatively effect our marriage. But, he insisted. He was greedy. I desperately didn’t want to quit so I tried working 2 full time jobs. Ministry and real estate. Staying at the office till 11 pm so many nights. Crying over deals with issues that had nothing to do with me yet I caught the brunt of the anger of it because I was their agent and it was a reflection on me. Then I’d leave and respond to hospital calls from members of the church who were sick or in accidents. Then I’d prepare my sermons and preach the next morning. It was like this for a year or more and I broke. I had nothing at home in the way of comfort. My husband was very stoic, harsh and rarely showed me the affection due a wife. When I came home I needed a safe haven and there was none save solitude. So I stayed in the bedroom and prayed through the pangs of guilt for working so much and resigning from the church.

Long story short I left him. I was miserable. He was mean. And, the trauma of 17 years of mental, emotional and verbal abuse broke my spirit. I never cried after I left. You see I had mourned and grieved my marriage many years before it was over. To this day I don’t know if I’m just so wounded that I’m numb and can’t feel bad about leaving or if I just properly and thoroughly grieved it and I am genuinely ok.

Now, here I was a former pastor and evangelist and divorcee’. I needed a break from church because I was mad at God for not making my husband a better person. I was mad because in spite of all the tears, praying, fasting, and gut-wrenching pleading to change myself so I could be more acceptable to my husband….NOTHING changed. I felt like God left me hanging.

So, I took a hiatus from the church. I thought perhaps after I had healed I could start visiting again to find a new home church and get back in an atmosphere of worship. Worship is my big thing. I am a worshipper through and through. And, I missed that more than anything or anyone else.

Years later I finally decided to start visiting. Found a few places I liked and felt comfortable at and then…..TRUMP happened. And my previously tender hearted “non-political” friends who refused to vote suddenly started literally singing his praises and making short-sighted dogmatic statements that basically say, “if you aren’t republican then you are not of God.” This is their belief system. I found it repulsive and very eye-opening. It was a catalystic moment for me. Why did I find it very eye-opening? Why did I find their actions to be a catalyst for my life? For the same reasons Jesus found religion and the religiously devoted to be repulsive and blind. I’ll give it to you in the Words and Thoughts of my Rabbi from an account in the Gospel of John 2:23-25 in the Amplified version (which is extremely accurate. Way more accurate than King James Version since it is a direct translation from original manuscripts rather than a translation of other translations fit for the English language.

“Now when He was in Jerusalem at the Passover feast, many believed in His name [identifying themselves with Him] after seeing His signs (attesting miracles) which He was doing. 24 But Jesus, for His part, did not entrust Himself to them, because He knew all people [and understood the superficiality and fickleness of human nature], 25 and He did not need anyone to testify concerning man [and human nature], for He Himself knew what was in man [in their hearts—in the very core of their being].

Jesus knew that He could not entrust Himself to certain people because He knew what was “in them.” Their fickle nature and short-sightedness and ego and craftily obscured hate via what we now know as id.

I know that I cannot entrust my light. I cannot entrust my enlightenment to just anyone. I cannot entrust certain layers and complexities of myself to most people. I suspect that just this post alone will be enough to cause feelings of grief, anger, confusion, disillusionment and disappointment. But, I am unapologetically me. I am unapologetically enlightened. That’s not something I can back down from.

God told me years ago that I would be like a city on a hill. I know this to be true. He also gave me Isaiah 54 and promised that all my (spiritual) offspring will be taught by YHWH Himself.

So in God’s wisdom guess what I’m going to do with that. I’m not gonna hide my light, per se. But, probably to the great relief of many who read this….I will retreat and run away with it. Why? Because for me…it is a season of silence. I have lost all desire to engage in or debate or to even have light exchange when it comes to “how” authentic Christianity is expressed. I just know what we are seeing now by and large, is not it.

I have very little to say about the current state of our world and politics and communities and churches and religions. Why? Because my words do not matter. All that matters right now is silence. And that silence is wisdom and wisdom will be proven right by her offspring.

Everyday I feel like I face a form of death. The death of my ego and super-ego and id. The death of my mental health as I hear about the rampant state of Covid. The death of my emotional health as I scroll through my feed and see Christian friends pronouncing people who aren’t like them as damned to hell, not of God, deceived or otherwise separated from God due to their lifestyle or behavior not lining up with the Word! Well guess what??? When Jesus healed that person on the sabbath….The WORD HIMSELF DIDN’T EVEN LINE UP WITH THE WORD!! (Torah).

We have got to get over ourselves and remove these self-installed mantles of morality and do the real work. The authentic work of faith. I ain’t even gonna outline what I think that is. Why? Because it’s time people of faith have their brains exercised by open-ended questions rather closed-ended dogmas.

Maranatha,

Cozett

A Less Verbose Life: A Meditation On Liminality

This week I will be welcoming a new little nephew into my life.  We are on baby watch for my youngest brother’s first born.  The cycles of life never cease to fascinate me.

Liminality.   No matter where we are at in life one thing is constant and that is that we all are in liminal space.   We are always on a threshold of some kind of transition.

I look around me and at once feel an awe-inspiring joy at the marvel of new life and a haunting sadness at the ever deepening reality that this life is fleeting and I will soon enough return to dust.  All at once I feel this.

I find myself feeling so torn these days.  An obligation to optimism and a dark sense of comfort in knowing that at the end of my life all I ever was….was animated meat.  My spirit, my essence the soul of who I am gropes to find it’s most accurate and fulfilling means of expression in this skin I’m in.   I will never be fully understood nor accurately perceived.  And, neither will you.  We each come at life with fragmented perspective at best.   In spite of all the honing, discerning, street smarts and psychology of our day we aren’t omniscient.  That’s probably not surprising but it is disappointing.  This is where adventure comes in.  This is one of the few points of human development that sets us apart from the animal kingdom.

Adventure.  It is ontologically liminal.  Matrices of thresholds if you will.  All across the planet people are diving into one unknown from another.  Showing up in life, departing in death, savoring the gamut of emotion we each have in varying proportion with every step in between the two spaces (life and death).

We really do exist on a continuum.  Not one of us is static.  Yet in the frenzy of what we know as life we each walk around with an internal, old-school Polaroid.  Every person we encounter, whether familiar or unfamiliar, our brains get busy taking series of snapshots of them in order to put together as clear a picture as we can of that person.  And guess what?  The pictures we piece together are largely based on our subconscious and involuntary survival reflexes.  These reflexes, these subconscious instincts that operate just below the surface of our awareness drive us, filter for us, and dictate everything we do and think without us having to “think.”

Most of the information we take in from conversations with friends to what we see on the news is processed just below the surface of our awareness and then projected back into our reality in the form of opinions, values, and motivations.

This is why it has become so important to me to familiarize myself with quantum physics, metaphysics, and learning about human vibrations.

You see before there was words, before there was written language…there was symbols and vibration.  These things are part of our foundation as humans.  They are the most ancient and the original forms of communication.

I am a poet.  A true word nerd.  One of my favorite books of all time is….a thesaurus. But lately I find myself with a deep ache to forsake all forms of known language and connect with the world around me via vibration only.  I am a poet.  But this life has become so verbose.  And that’s exhausting.  The nature of language is such that it has an innate poverty.  That is an unchangeable fate for language I’m afraid.   And as someone word oriented that pains me, it frightens me but it also stirs a sense of adventure.  An eager curiosity to imagine what life would be like with no words. 

I think about lions.  I am endlessly fascinated with big cats.  I see them lying and conserving energy out on some arrid terrain while unfamiliar animals and other big cats move through their territory.   I see them yawn and stretch.  And that to me indicates relaxation.   But many animal experts say this is also a sign of defense and aggression.  A warning to other big cats that they’re not afraid to engage them if they feel threatened.   These cues are understood vibrationally.   Finely honed instincts that pick up on the subtlety of the surrounding frequencies.

I have talked before about my people pleasing tendencies.  I am realizing this was a pattern set in motion for me by multiple traumas throughout my life.  I grew up saturated in terror.  And it was such a normal part of my everyday life I learned how to structure my behavior in a way that would keep me as safe as possible from the chaos around me.

Those vibrations in my developmental years shaped the flow of my behavior in the same way water carves out canyons.  Sometimes violent bursts of water overtake natural boundaries and in a flash the course of a river is changed forever.   Other times it’s just the trickling persistence that causes a gentle erosion. 

And this is where I find myself.  With authenticity and vulnerability as my guiding principles and undercurrents of tumult that is always tumbling and shaping me.

I long for cohesion.  Like you I have many layers.  And nearly all of them (that I am conscious of) are non-congruent to each other.  I’m an enigma.  Humans will forever be mysterious.  Who you are can never be fully expressed or accurately perceived in just one lifetime.  The best psychoanalysts of our time will only ever get their toes wet when it comes to wading in the waters of you.

And so here we are.   In this liminal space.  This threshold.  The cusp of adventure.

I want to do my next adventures differently.   I want to come into them differently. And, I want to do that from a space of as few words as possible.

I want to jump because I’m ready to jump.  Not because of how jumping is explained to me or how I’ve talked myself into it.  I want to leap into my next season from a heart-centered, vibrationally sensitive space. 

I want to look back knowing I lived my life without feeling the need to explain it.

As I prepare to welcome this new life, this new little nephew I am older than when the first baby was born that made me an aunt.  In this season of my life this birth feels like a herald to me.  A beckoning to come meet the spirit of life at the table of a sovereignty that can never be articulated. Only observed.  Perceived.  Then tucked away as unspoken understanding.  An unspoken understanding that unfolds like the slow and unrelenting discovery of the macrocosm.

Less words from me.  That feels most fitting.  It feels most freeing.

Cheers to liminality.

Cozett

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The way “I” operate.

All of these words are my inner conversation.  Every day without fail they are front of mind.  This is more of a revealing rather than an admonishment.  Admonishments are counter productive.

FREEDOM

Be true to yourself.

Be authentic.

Be open.

Be honest.

Be sensitive to the energy of others

Be kind.  Always kind.  Genuinely kind.

Love people.  All people.  Show them you love them.

Encourage study.

Encourage exploration.

Set an example of each study and exploration.

Set an example of humility and don’t argue with people who have argumentative spirits.

Debate with the respectable.

Spar with the one who endeavors to judge rightly.

Struggle along with that one and so help myself and that person as well as those we influence come to clearer more just conclusions.

Always be open to chance encounters with those who surprise in the most of unusual of fashion.

Be kind.

Be smart.

Be a life long learner and pliable when new understandings and truths take hold of my culture.

Be sincere.  Make sure others know I am sincere.  Even, if I am unable to perform their desire of me.

Be smart.

Be kind.

Love people.  All people.  Genuinely and authentically marveling at the diversity of God’s creation.  Finding the good in everyone.  Show them you love them.

Don’t fall for philosophies, insults, or blanket statements.  They are energy traps set by the unfortunately ignorant.

Understand that those who are deceived have their own path.  In spite of my enlightenment I will refrain at all times from trying to impose my truth on anyone.  Even if I know it would be helpful and show them a better way.

Truth is something that must be sought more than spoken.  Once spoken truth becomes a sign for people to rail against.

Trust God.  Trust Holy Spirit.  Trust that Jesus has been successful in His mission.  And, allow people the dignity of the process of truth.

Allow. People. The. Dignity. Of. The Process….of truth.  Do not interfere.  Period.

Be genuine.

Be kind.

Love people.  All people.

Let them come to me.  Let them come to you.  Understanding is something that is sought.  Not assumed.  And, if certain people are unable to journey beyond assuming that doesn’t mean they are mine (or yours) to rescue and right.

Freedom.  This.  This is freedom and the way I govern my life.

These tenets you will not find me straying from.

If you want me, need me or wish to speak to me….you know where I am.  Right in the middle of freedom.

 

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