Tag: Growth

Cozett Contemplates: Divergence

My journey is sacred. My path is unique.

Cozett Contemplates divergence…

At the end of 2022 I made a conscious decision. An agreement with the future Cozett. The woman I wish to reflect on from my death bed.

I decided that I would no longer make any decisions based on haste. I would make no decisions that would lead me away from my own happiness. Not even for a day. I’ve spent too many days (nearly 44 years worth of days) basing all I do on pouring my life’s essence into the happiness of others so that I wouldn’t incur any discomfort….from them being uncomfortable. There is no life in that. It’s been a journey of fleeing. Running from one person to the next trying to put smiles on faces, make people feel supported, and most of all…getting their approval. Because their approval would mean my survival.

At nearly 44 years of age, the wisdom of middle-age has finally graced my understanding. And, she has shown me that to live this way, is to live in a constant state of emotional travesty. My whole life, up until this point, has been like a coup. A coup staged by my shadow self. My shadow, comprised of fear, alienation, feelings of abandonment and rejection, and pessimism. I was overthrowing my own power because I felt that my power….was weak. Weak in comparison to everyone around me. So weak that I felt it necessary to replace my personal power in hopes of receiving the security of power outside myself. Security, protection, provision. All done through the avenue of people pleasing. I got so bad with it that I was people-pleasing dangerous and ill-intentioned people. My conscience would scream, “you know they are bad news!! No inspiration or motivation or money or love you can give them will help them and they will in turn HARM YOU, COZETT!!” But…I did it anyway. I did it because I had zero belief in myself and that I could ever offer anything of worth to the world that would both ensure my security and affect meaningful change for humanity.

Even as I type this, the articulation of it all, is blowing my mind. Honestly, it takes a heck of a lot of self-awareness to assess oneself so objectively. And, it also takes a lot of willingness to demonstrate the courage to know oneself this deeply. The deep is a scary place. There’s not much light. You have to deal with a lot of shadows which means you have to fine tune your soul to sift through illusion and not spook so easily when it comes to pulling back the curtains of your own psyche to see what’s there.

I no longer see my life as a journey that “happens TO me” but rather I’ve positioned myself, through shadow work so that I can channel my energy in a way where MY life….”happens THROUGH me.”

There are no detours in the Divine. The divine you. When life happens “to” you, your whole path can be nothing but a detour. You can never follow out what your heart desires because you are too busy fulfilling the desires of others so you have to make U-turns, take toll roads, and bloody your feet by paths filled with briars, and crag. Ultimately, when you live for others, you are intentionally choosing and agreeing to take the long way to arrive at your own destiny. You’re telling your soul that it doesn’t carry the value or worth of taking the straight path, the destined path, the one that actually calls to you.

I can’t believe I have waited this long. Yet, I don’t feel bogged down with regret. I know that I couldn’t have seen then what I now see. I wasn’t capable. The emotional travesty that I intentionally chose had me blinded. And, I also think that to some degree I considered myself young enough to keep putting off my heart’s desires because I had, “time.” This is one of the great gifts of mid-life. The wake-up call. A conscious recognition that in spite of how well you take care of your body and mind…this will all come to an end. I want my end to be in health, in love, in passion, in the sobriety that is informed from severe suffering. A woman wide awake. A woman who maintained the magic of being a little girl in spite of her crucible. Sagic wisdom now finds its expression in me physically. In action. In my decisions. In my voice. In the crow’s feet forming around my eyes and in the small furrow of my brow. Plowed by intense, prolonged consternation and contemplation on why I am the way I am, and why the world around me is the way it is.

My prayer for everyone who reads this, is that you will learn from my lessons. If you are younger than me…please don’t put off following your happiness and being true to yourself. Be authentically you regardless of any perceived consequences of that. If you are my age or older…I give you the same advice. It is true that maturity and wisdom are not necessarily correlated with age.

Your journey…is sacred. And, your path is unique. Don’t you long for people to experience you as you really are? I encourage you to diverge. I encourage you to emerge. Diverge from the paths that people have forced you onto. And, you will emerge….as who you really are.

#cozettcontemplates #Divergence #newyear2023 #TimeToRise #Authenticity #shadowwork #middleagedwoman #wisdomoftheday #inspiration #motivation #motivationmonday

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Cozett Contemplates Security: Detaching From Struggle

Cozett Contemplates her security…

Before my meditation this morning, I was doing self-inquiry to see what my soul wanted to see come into my conscious awareness. I have learned well how important it is to do self-inquiry because not asking yourself questions leads to a life of undesirable, and vicious cycles that leave you feeling confused and frustrated and broken.

The issue of my own security came up. I think for various factors (that I will list momentarily) I’ve conditioned myself to ONLY be able to experience security when great struggle can precede it. And, only then will I allow myself to relax or acknowledge that my survival is being ensured. If you follow me closely, you know that I talk as openly as I can about my traumatic childhood and adolescence. From as early as the age of 4 I was tasked with taking care of myself. At the age of 5 I would get myself ready for headstart (like a preschool) and walk to the end of my driveway to the school. When I got home from headstart I would stand in a chair and do dishes, then because I wasn’t strong enough, my mother would run my bath and I would bathe, lay out my clothes for the next day, set my alarm and go to bed to do it all again the next day. I LOVED headstart. I LOVED my teacher! Mrs. Charlene Withrow. I will never forget that woman. In retrospect I now know she was deeply concerned about my living situation and she would periodically make home visits and always bring me…DONALD DUCK ORANGE JUICE!! It had a metal peel tab and a cool 1980’s Donald Duck print on a tiny cylindrical can. I didn’t get to grow up celebrating Christmas due to my grandmother’s religion but every time Mrs. Charlene showed up with Donald Duck Orange Juice, I felt like the luckiest child. It felt like what I would imagine my friends felt like on Christmas morning.

Nothing came easy growing up. My grandfather worked his cattle farm 7 days per week and worked at TVA 5 days per week and he never took a day off as long as he lived. He would go even when sick. He also suffered from migraines as many in my family do and how he managed to function on Goody and BC Powders while working so hard I will never know. But, what I do know is that same work ethic found itself in me, albeit in a bit of a physically weaker vessel. Though I do have my own feats in light of long bouts of illness both mentally and physically. I am proud of what I have accomplished while carrying loads that many will never understand. Working multiple jobs, owning multiple businesses, being unwaveringly patient and kind with others (which is definitely me being “too nice” too often and yes that annoys me) while maintaining privacy about my lack of security or staggering mental health issues (mostly behind me now!) it has not been easy. So, this too has conditioned me, I have conditioned myself with the experiences and emotions of being in constant struggle praying for it to payoff.

Between my childhood and adolescent context and my subsequent struggles in my adult years, it’s never really been at the forefront of my conscious awareness that I can experience security without grueling and nearly obliterating struggle.

Now, my age plays into this well. At the time of this writing I am 43 years old. Soon to be 44. I come from a different time. Up until my generation it was the cultural norm and still is in many places, both in the US and around the world, that unless you were born into wealth life would and should indeed be hard to EARN with struggle every penny. I mean, look at my grandfather. Because of his hard work my grandmother is still surviving today. He never got to enjoy the fruit of his labor though. We took 1 vacation growing up and…God love him, he was miserable and nervous and cranky the whole time. He was always cranky, really. But, he couldn’t relax, he fussed and cussed the whole time. We never did a vacation again. I was about 14 years old. People in my age group and older grew up seeing parents and grandparents who, in their lifetimes may have been some of the first people to get electricity, they used outhouses instead of bathrooms in a home, they lived off the land planting massive gardens and tending to livestock. They were the people of Appalachia, people of pioneering lifestyles.

My cousin Margo Holder and I often talk about our grandmother, Nona Schouggins. She lived on Big Ridge here in Hixson before it became full of subdivisions. It was because of her that electricity finally became available on Big Ridge. She was a medicine woman, a pioneer woman, a healer, an herbalist, she was tough mentally and physically and sometimes emotionally. But, her love held so many together in a secure embrace. Her sureness conveyed a sense of security to everyone who had the privilege of being in her life. But, her sureness came from her the tenacity that was required from her in order to ensure her own survival. Her sureness came as a result of her struggle.

So, a precedent had been set for many generations that has and is thankfully being up-ended by the advent of some serious technology. Having indoor plumbing and electricity has been a game changer for humanity. But, having internet and the ability to have visibility that can, in many cases lead to being paid, having a form of security financially by becoming an “influencer.” The ability to speak to a broad audience, from the heart about one’s experiences and wisdom has taken us from the requirement of struggling to survive to simply speaking your truth and being able to thrive.

This is where my security will come from. While I am decently healthy, I am not, and have never been able to hold a 9-5 job or a job that requires a lot of physical exertion. I have sleep disorders that won’t allow me to have a perfectly ordered work week at a traditional job. And, as of yet I don’t have a college degree. So, 9-5’s are out, warehouse jobs are out, and my goal of one day having my own counseling practice is out until I can finish my degree. As of right now, I am maxed out on my student loan amounts and I haven’t even been able to finish my bachelor’s degree. I need a minimum of a master’s degree to have my own practice. And, at almost 44 years old with maxed out school loans the likelihood of that ever happening is slim unless I just fall backwards into loads and loads of cash.

So, what does this mean for me? I HAVE to be creative. I have to own my reality by owning my own businesses. Thankfully, this is something I enjoy. But, does it mean I have to remain in a grueling state of struggle and uncertainty about my future? About my security in general? At first glance, looking at my lack of a degree, my age, my health (which again, isn’t terrible) if my security depends on “WORK work” then….I’m screwed.

But, with the technology that we now have, there is no reason why I can’t leverage that and forge my path, my security, in an alternative manner. I won’t be retiring from TVA and I am not the pioneer woman that my grandmother was. I do, however, carry deep wisdom, sureness that has come from the all encompassing struggles of my life. And, just like my grandmother, because of this sureness, this steadfastness of soul I am often told that people feel a deep and profound sense of hope and optimism and encouragement when they’re around me. I have, “feel good” energy. People tell me they feel they can be totally open and unashamed around me. They know they can tell me anything and trust that their secrets will never find their way into the ears of unintended audiences. People feel safe and at peace around me. And, it is because of how hard I’ve had to work to create peace in the chaotic life I’ve lived. I’ve had to be my OWN center. My OWN safe place. My OWN therapist. My OWN source of income. My OWN doctor. And, all of these abilities has had to come by following my intuition and what I know about my body, my mind, my emotions, and the extent of abilities.

So, for 2 days I have received a message from my soul. It spoke a few days ago quietly calling me out about, “being attached to struggle.” Then today my soul’s voice grew a bit louder. And, these words came to me, “You deserve to experience an emotional state free from loss, fear, danger and risk.”

I have never in my life had an emotional state that hasn’t included fear, loss, danger or risk. One of the happiest times in my entire life thus far was when I ventured to Turkiye. To the other side of the world, all by myself. But, even that time and the times I visited since the first, haven’t been free from fear of loss or danger or risk. I always find myself worrying about how I will pay my bills when I get back home. Feeling as if I’m going to be punished for eeking out an enjoyment that many take for granted.

I have no idea what an emotional state without the feeling of loss, risk or danger will feel like. I only know that I deserve to experience that. I deserve to live in that as a normal state of being. I deserve to know what it feels like.

I will be letting go of my attachment to struggle. I deserve to live a life of security that isn’t tied to constant struggle. In reality, because of all of the tech tools and social platforms this is more possible for me now than ever before. And, I’m showing up. I’m here to speak my truth and share wisdom and hope with others who know what it is to struggle. I am here to be a messenger of hope. An agent of peace. A global force for good in uniting humanity and calling out the poisonous and subtle tactics employed to divide us. This is my calling. And, this will be my peace. To know that I brought peace. Security…will be my security.

I hope it will be yours as well.

Lots of love,
Cozett Dunn

#cozettcontemplates #thestruggle #security

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Destiny Leads The Willing And Drags The Unwilling: Identifying Our Resistance To Greatness

I heard a famous quote by Seneca earlier. “Fate leads the willing; the Unwilling it drags.”

Recently, I’ve been exploring “counter-manifesting.” We hear a lot about having faith, thinking positive, and manifesting our dreams. That is all great. These tools (faith, positivity, and confidence in our creating) are absolutely wonderful and more of us need to operate in these things more consistently. However, if you hold defeating visions or limiting beliefs in your subconscious you will manifest more slowly and with much resistance.

Here’s what I mean. Say you have a really big goal and you’re studying about the law of attraction, you’re exercising your faith and you’re thinking positive thoughts and really leaning into what emotions you will feel once you achieve that goal BUT deep down you don’t believe yourself worthy of receiving those things…then you’re likely going to experience a slowness of getting to your goal. You will probably have lots of ups and down in your emotions where you have to “try” to believe and “try” to push off “negative” emotions…and drive yourself crazy in the process trying to get to what you want.

When we are born we come into this world with no sense of identity. We arrive as pure consciousness. Once we are born then layers are added on top of our consciousness by people outside ourselves and the circumstances into which we are born. We are pure potential. But, maybe you have or had parents with fears of success. Maybe you were born into severe poverty. Or, perhaps you were born in a country that restricts your freedoms based on your gender or religion. Many many layers outside of our control are heaped on top of us and those layers are internalized. Those layers are what I call, “psychic substrates.” A fascia of sorts for the psyche. And, if we are to reach our goals and see ourselves as we truly are we have to be WILLING to sift through and work with the shadow of our subconscious. Many people refuse to get still or meditate because being still means their conscious mind will be met with the issues that aren’t comfortable to acknowledge or address. We may feel overwhelmed by what we perceive would take a lot of time to work through. And, time is scarce. Especially if you live in a culture that glorifies work over mental health. Time is the first thing we need to reclaim to truly take our power back. On that note, I encourage you to inventory areas of your life where if you need to assert a boundary to free up more time, then please do it. Don’t fall into the trap of workaholism or screen time trying to escape the things you really need to know about yourself if you’re going to create the ultimate reality for yourself and those you care about.

In another article I will talk about “how” to explore your subconscious successfully without feeling afraid or overwhelmed. But, for now I just need you to become willing. That’s all the focus is for this article. So, let’s dive into the implications of this famous saying of Seneca. Clearly, you probably first understand this is an issue of mindset. Remember earlier I said you can do all the right things (aka work on your mindsets) and still not hasten or reach your goals? It is this thing, your natural response to your future that determines whether or not you feel led or like you’re being dragged. If deep down you truly don’t believe you are destined for greatness or to have great things then all the work you do will be like laying silk on top of sewage hoping for a smooth and clean path to walk. Sewage stinks. Who knows exactly what is in there. If you touch it could spread disease. If not controlled it creates disruption. See where I’m going with this? The limiting beliefs we hold are like sewage. We may feel afraid to even touch it because of how much it stinks, how disruptive it will be, and put off because we don’t know exactly what’s in it.

Now, here’s where we alchemize this “septic psychic substrate.” What if, as you began to approach this sewage, you noticed that it didn’t quite smell as strong as you thought it might? So, you get a bit closer while grasping your silk. Then as you get closer you begin to notice it’s not as murky but has an opaque quality to it. So, relaxing a bit, you walk up to the very edge of it, and to your surprise you discover it is in fact a sparkling, crystal clear pool of life-giving water. One of the first emotions you might feel is, “ahh! I wish I had come to this sooner! This water could have been nourishing me and refreshing me along this path!” You then decide to scoop your hands into it and it feels so perfect. So cool and refreshing but not too cold. And, you notice it’s deep. Quite deep. So instead of using your silk to cover it all over, you wrap it around your body like a swim suit and SPLASH! You go all in and dive into the deep pool of healing and refreshment. You float and enjoy the clear sky above you. You notice the droplets of water beaded up on your skin. And, you feel….AMAZING. And, from this surprise refreshment you are able to proceed on your path with a skip in your step because the discovery of it changed your mind about it. You saw it clearly for yourself without putting off exploring it because you originally believed it to be too dirty to deal with it.

So, at what point DID the sewage alchemize? When you started off you held a belief it was too much. But, as you approached you noticed it didn’t quite carry the scary and gross characteristics you truly believed it did. At what point did it actually change into life-giving water? It happened in increments. It happened in the emotion of WILLINGNESS to approach IT that IT became clear and refreshing. This is how we transform things. We musn’t be afraid to touch them.

Now, that your underlying belief has changed you won’t have any subconscious resistance to the positive mindsets you are implementing! You can now fully enjoy believing that you are in fact great and destined for greatness and when you receive promptings from Spirit, from God, from the Universe, your natural response will be to feel curious and adventurous and you will find yourself going after your wildest dreams! You will find yourself being led…not being dragged. So, if you’re looking for a sign to believe in yourself with radical, outrageous, and cocky confidence…this is it!! Permission granted.

With love,

Cozett Dunn

Cozett Contemplates

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She Brought Us All Together Again: Love Is Greater Than Faith

Cozett Contemplates how she brought us all together again…

This morning my meditation released a lot of stored emotion I have about the division we’ve faced collectively over the last several years.

I don’t think I realized how deeply it has affected me.

All my life I have been a peace keeper of sorts. Human suffering has always bothered me. Always. And, I’ve always had this drive to help everyone I can to avoid suffering, consequence, and repercussion.

When I was in 1st grade, I was in a shared classroom with kindergartners. Our teacher is to this day still the favorite teacher I ever had. I remember her that clearly. Originally, Miss Gregory, then she got married and became Mrs. Aldridge. I loved her. She had one big rule for our classroom. And that rule was, “NO MORE THAN ONE ON THE FLOOR.”

She knew how frenetic young children can be and this was one way to keep order, peace, flow in our classroom.

One day while doing a writing lesson, I noticed two kindergartners at the sink. One had gone up to wash his hands from some finger painting they were doing. Then his friend got up and walked to the sink as well and was whispering in his ear. I remember feeling fear, feeling frantic, because I didn’t want them to get in trouble.

So, while they were talking at the sink, I decided to “risk it all” as much as a first grader can! ha ha. I thought, “if I can get to them before she does and get them to sit back down then it will be worth the risk of becoming the 3RD person on the floor!”

So, I quickly got up and walked up to the two boys and said quietly, “you all aren’t supposed to be up here. No more than one on the floor. You’re going to get in trouble.”

Suddenly, from out of nowhere came a whack across my bottom followed by 2 other whacks on theirs.

I felt so defeated. Embarrassed. Like I had lost an epic battle trying to do something good. Trying to do something that would “save” them. How could my pure motives bring me this? Punishment?? Of all the things.

That was the first of many lessons to come. That lesson that is now finding its articulation in this post, at the age of 43, is that “you can’t save everyone. And, as hard as it is to watch sometimes you have to allow others paths to unfold without interruption. While you think you are interrupting pain, it is more likely that you will be interrupting valuable lessons that will keep that person from pain in the future, when you aren’t around to save them or look out for them.”

As an adult I’ve not really departed from this inclination. I’ve refined it though through my own lessons of pain that weren’t interrupted.

During meditation I was asking myself, “what is next for me?” I’ve created 3 additional businesses that will serve as platforms for my own personal expression, healing messages, joy for myself and others, and another means of ensuring my own stability, as a single woman, one income household. But, they are not ends in and of themselves. They are my children. And, I want to watch after them dutifully, and support them by being their biggest cheerleader. But, that isn’t the end of my journey. It is a hugely satisfying accomplishment, yes. But, obviously that isn’t where my story ends.

This is when I began to cry. I actually cried so hard I began to shake. I began having flash images of memories over the last several years of social media posts, and news headlines, and news stories of our how country and world has erupted into sickness, war, racism, and near elimination of the middle-class.

Between religion, politics, poverty, and humanity’s inability to hold space for others who are different we have created a very sick atmosphere to live in. And, if you are an empath, you like me, probably feel all of this in your body and it is like a personal version of hell.

I’ve felt so trapped. Having a higher perspective and wanting to run to everyone and “get them away from the sink so they wouldn’t experience pain for their choices.”

So, this morning after I asked the question to myself, and to God, “what is next for me?” I heard these words, “She brought us all together again.”

That will be my legacy. These social media posts I do, my YouTube videos, my businesses, my voice are all channels to the goal that I wish to meet and enjoy as I lie on my death bed. And, that is world peace. I don’t care how lofty that sounds. And, I don’t care what any religion, psychologist, sociologist or other teacher says about how that’s not going to happen, or how it can’t happen, or how it has been predicted that we will only ever unwind into an apocalyptic extinction.

While I am here and while I have breath in my body I will strive to help people who are vastly different from each other, join hands and hearts.

There is truly more that unites us than divides us. I want to be intentional about loving my neighbor. And, I want you to be as well.

When we are falling out with each other due to different religions, skin color, economic philosophies, parenting, body image, etc. And, when our planet becomes inundated with a virus that is global. These are symptoms of what is happening in the collective unconscious. There are some bad programs running beneath the conscious awareness of our thought life that is pulling us into a chasm.

I’ve always been naturally ecumenical in nature. Here’s what I mean. I grew up to about the age of 12 or 13 as a Jehovah’s witness. Then around the age of 14 I had the opportunity to attend a Pentecostal church. It was in this setting that I found a place where I could enjoy self-expression in light of my feelings about God. The ecstatic worship services gave me a break from my crisis filled childhood. I got to see other examples than just my own family of origin in how differently people see God and respond to God and live out their beliefs. It was absolutely beautiful to my innocent mind. And, to this day I wish I could go back and experience these types of services. Unfortunately, I cannot and for reasons that would require another long post. For all of its faults, and frailties it gave me something beautiful to take away once I diverged. I gained a lot of confidence to approach and to continue learning about, God. As an adult woman, who was a preacher within a Pentecostal tradition I constantly strove to bring together Catholics, and other protestant denominations. I incorporated their theology into my own and tried my best to preach from that space.

Because I desperately wanted to be a responsible teacher who created and perpetuated unity and because I felt a duty to make sure that everyone who came under the sound of my voice wouldn’t receive only the fundamentals of the faith. They had plenty of that. We are still to this day harped on and harping at each other and everyone else the 10 commandments. What a shame. Even Paul, an Apostle, said we should leave the elementary teachings of the faith behind and go on to greater things. The mysteries of the Christ. Not cause and effect. Not good and bad. Not right and wrong. If your heart is renewed and you’re an ethical person at all you don’t need to be told any of this in order to follow it. There is a lot of wasted breath that could be used to teach people….how not to feel disdain for other religions but rather curiosity. The world’s religions are characterized by what I call, “the big 3.” Judaism, Christianity, and Islam. We are ALL Abrahamic. And, it is a disservice to the messengers of our faith contexts to somehow in our imaginations pit them against each other in a make believe fight for supremacy. How egoic is that? Yuck. God has nothing to do with that in reality. At all.

But, it’s not enough to be religiously or spiritually ecumenical, is it? No. Why? Because even that, as well-rounded as it can seem, STILL disenfranchises humanity. Yes, there is an entire world outside the confines of any religion or spirituality. And, I also want to find myself there. And, you should too. We weren’t created FOR religion. It is not my life purpose, nor is it yours, to die championing the supremacy of your religion. We are here for the purpose of life. LIFE is the purpose of all of us. I’ve discovered this because of death. When you are one breath away from homelessness, when you are sick in your body, mind and relationships….you understand acutely, how pointless religion and its supremacy really is. The only thing that matters is life and love.

There is a famous bible verse, penned by Paul an apostle to a church in Corinth. In 1 Cor. 13:13 he exhorted the congregation by saying, “And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.”

Let me say this in a way that I hope you will understand:

1. Love is greater than faith.

That’s it. The end.

Love is greater than your faith context. In other words, your faith isn’t nearly as important as your capacity to hold space for people unlike yourself.

As an adult woman I still feel the nature of my girlhood within me. I am still wanting to rescue people and steer them away from all that harms. Even if, AND ESPECIALLY if, that is our own behaviors, and attitudes.

And, that’s what this post is. Me, an as of yet, not college educated, single, white woman in the southeastern United States, whose appearance fits my stereotype. I mean my accent alone sends the message about my stereotype. My accent is…mamaw’s cornbread, with sorghum and grits.

But, I’m here. I’m showing up. In spite of my physical appearance, my accent, my heavily religious background. I’m here. And, I’m pointing to behaviors that will bring us all pain.

I’m urging you…to sit back down. No more than one on the floor. Sit, think and allow curiosity and compassion and consideration and commonalities to saturate your conscience. Allow these things to point you away from divisive behaviors and philosophies.

We really are better together. ALL of us. And, I am joining hands with everyone. Especially people who don’t share anything in common with me other than the fact that we need clean air, clean food, safe neighborhoods, and schools for our children. If that’s it (which it isn’t) that is enough. Love can grow from just those things.

I love you….do you love me?

Yours truly,

Cozett Dunn

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Forward

I want to take my poetry world wide. I want to do book tours all over the globe and have opportunities to share my poetry on every continent. It’s all I think about these days. It is “the” hope that I hang on to. I envision a life where I can live my life….by living MY life. Not a corporate life, not a 1099 contractor life, not the typical American life.

I am not college educated unfortunately. I may eventually have a bachelor’s in psychology. But, beyond that because of my age and the fact that I am tapped out on student loan availability, it is highly unlikely I’ll have that accomplishment and the wage that a degree can ensure. I am almost 44. Child free and overweight as of right now. I have a fiancé. But, I’m not truly confident because I feel very insecure and even though I’ve told him how I need to be loved neither of us are confident he will be able to do that.

I am desperate to be financially independent. No degree, no 2nd income in my household. I feel hopeless. I feel afraid because I don’t have anything that can secure my future. If I stay in America I am bound to the wages of a high school graduate and I cannot work for myself doing real estate anymore because the toll it has taken on my mental health has..in many ways destroyed me. Even as I type this I am simultaneously worrying (which is work) about bizarre transactions and how to control the chaos and not be chewed out or threatened.

I’m tired but I have to be able to depend on my body to earn money according to the obligations and interests of someone with more money than myself. Dictates my chronically ill body is getting more difficult to fulfill as I age. Can anyone else out there relate to me? I feel alone.

My greatest gift, my greatest resource is my mind and my writing ability. It’s the one thing in this life I have that could potentially position me for security. I am tired of living under fear of eviction. I need more than I am able to physically produce. I need more than the wage of a high school graduate.

I have done all I can. Truly. All I can do now is keep writing, thinking, writing, thinking and pray that when I look up again my world will have changed and I will have a husband who burns to love me exactly the way I need. A man who promote my relaxation, security, and peace and not take it all away or even contribute to those things to begin with.

So, here I am on my free WordPress account. Typing out my thoughts, my woes, my poetry, my points. It is my form of preparation so that when opportunity arrives hopefully my one hope to be so famous as a writer and thinker that it can sustain me financially.

Right now I have a book I have finished. I have an appointment with an editor on Tuesday. Right now because I am on my cycle and my body hurts all over and I am so exhausted I feel doubtful it will end up betting published because I don’t know how to publish. I’ve tried to learn about and have played around on Kindle. But, I am seriously not smart when it comes to technology and formatting my writing.

I believe, ultimately, I am going forward. It’s just hard when my body feels the way it does.

My hope as I end 2022 is that in 2023 my fiancé can love me the way I need, my book will be published in both the USA and India, and that I will finally come into financial security. Do I want to be rich? Very much. Because I am so tired of being poor. I can hardly afford being a single woman with a cat and I am VERY low maintenance. I get my hair done. That’s it. No nails, lashes, Botox, shoe obsession, purse obsession, jewelry obsession, perfume, makeup….you get the picture. I drive my cousin’s car because I lost mine due to gas prices several months ago.

I need out. The only way out is if I can write my way. I will give it all I’ve got. I am so ready for 2022 to be over. I need next year to be my year. I need it. I want it for me and my cat and my cousin. By the end of the year or at least early next year I plan on resigning my real estate license. I would rather work at a gas station then look at or talk about real estate, houses, or contracts ever again. It’s a toxic industry. I’ve missed years upon years of family events, fun with friends and for what? For people who treat me unkindly and for a career that hasn’t allowed me a non-working vacation since 2011? Sorry. But, I’m saying it. FUCK that shit. FUCK it. It’s not me and I’m at the end of my rope with it. I’m done. I cannot wait to change my phone number. I cannot wait to delete my email address or cancel it or whatever. I can’t wait to announce on my social media that I am no longer in the industry. I can’t wait to be me. I can’t wait to feel free. I can’t wait to move out of this area and hopefully out of the country, at least for a while.

I have my eye on India. Whether me and my fiancé work out or not I plan on spending some months there in peace and quiet and not be fucking bothered by real estate or people who wish to drain my energy period. I need a fresh start. And I may be broke. But, I will start fresh even if I am broke. I’m not stopping, hesitating, or halting. I am done.

So, as I lay here I have no idea who will read this. If anyone will read this. But, anyway, here I am. And there…I will be.

Cheers,

Cozett

2

Science Is The Twin Flame Of Spirit

For nearly the entirety of my life I have spent my free time, my play time, contemplating life. How big it is. Why people do what they do. Why people think the way they think. Why people interacted with me the way they did. What does the future hold for the universe as we know it. What impact does the unseen have on the seen.

My childhood and adolescence was quite traumatic. Because of this my mamaw fiercely guarded my play and rest time. She knew that through her love and the therapy that only nature could provide I would have a shot at transitioning into a normal adulthood. Whenever domestic violence or some other drama wasn’t actively occurring she made sure that I was able to have that down time to sleep. Now, lots of sleep is nothing unique about the teenage experience. But for me prolonged sleep was imperative for my mind, emotions and body to recover from the stress of crises.

My senior year in high school brought a lot of change naturally. I was launching into legal adulthood, choosing whether or not I wanted to continue educational pursuits or take a break (I took a break), experiencing milestone events like prom, graduation, getting my first car, applying for jobs, finding my father on my 18th birthday, and of course surviving the overdoses of my mother. My senior year was so intense that I would often lie to my friends and tell them I was grounded just so I could stay home on the weekend to think about life.

As a child I would run barefoot from the house down the sloping front yard and to a pond where the cattle would gather to drink. I would first walk around the entire pond in the gray claylike mud looking for tadpoles. Nothing was more satisfying in those days than feeling the slick smooth clay of the pond to squish between my toes and see my feet disappear slowly into the murky waters as the tadpoles would gather around my ankles. I took those moments in slowly. Thinking about the feeling. The sight. What it meant to the tadpoles. Did they really flee in terror so quickly at my splashes only to return and gather unknowingly around the source of the splash?

The pond was spring fed and the spring was terraced with tiny waterfalls that eventually gave way to the opening of the pond. I would walk up into the spring to it’s very head and at its main waterfall (which hit at about the height of my knees) and pretend to be making medicines with some gnarly fallen limb from the woods. I would take my stick and jab through the top of the fall into the mud below. Think mortar and pestle. I would declare to my imaginary audience that I had just found a cure for whatever ailed them. After passing around my medicine I would go lay inside a circle of trees beside the pond and just look up at the sky for hours. Until I was either called home or found I would lay and look and think.

At the time of this writing I am 43 years old. I have devoted my life thus far to the pursuit of understanding why people think the way think and how the unseen impacts the seen. In thinking about how the unseen impacts the seen it is an inescapable thing at this juncture in history to think in terms of God. The concept of God. The understanding of God affects the thought lives of billions of people and for the atheist or agnostic they are also impacted by the beliefs of other’s beliefs about God. In short there is no escaping God. Even if you don’t believe in God you probably are in relationship with others who do and that absolutely impacts your reality, the justice you are able to receive by a legal system that is influenced by the belief in God, relational ethics and dynamics that are influenced by others belief in God. From sexuality to spirituality all these things are shaped by the concept of God whether it is a personally held concept or not.

Since 2019 I have experienced the hardest years of my adult life. I’m feeling disillusioned and disappointed. But, I’m discovering if it weren’t for my disillusionment I would have no chance at “reillusioning” a theory and philosophy that works for me. If not for disappointment I would have had no shot at being reappointed into a higher perspective. One that helps me finally to feel a level of self-assurance that will translate to my own soul how perfectly capable I am of relying on myself and trusting myself to be able to protect myself.

I am well-studied, well-versed in all of the major world religions and spiritualities. Not as an enthusiast. But, a genuine learner. I have been careful to take a scholarly approach to all things unseen, all things faith related. I’ve always intuitively felt that the intangible held the keys for a humanity who can holistically understand the world and people around them. And through that I, we, could form a sure scaffolding for a reliable hope.

As I’ve researched the world’s major organized religions I have observed the following:

  1. Each one subscribes to a main, male deity who feels insulted if other gods are adored or seen as powerful or wise. Monotheism. But, how can monotheism be monotheism if the “the” acknowledges that there are other gods? Thou shalt have no other gods before Me, yes? Then it follows that there are in fact other entities, other gods by the admission of the deity who says it’s wrong for any other deity to receive adoration.
  2. Researching as far back into recorded history as is humanly possible we understand the earth’s oldest spirituality is Hinduism. Hinduism is polytheistic but still features male deities as the ultimate gods to whom everyone is an emanation of. Hinduism, however, does at least teach that these male gods have female counterparts, or female energetic expressions that should be equally worshipped since they understand that masculine energy is incomplete without the feminine.
  3. In mythology which served as a religious context for many in the ancient world we see that our collective, those before us, were immersed in a world of legends held to be truth or fact. The stories of Zeus, Calliope, Cupid, Achilles, Aphrodite, Venus are all so fantastical that those of us who cut our teeth in western thought and the allopathic treatment of the intangible almost lack the capacity to believe in the unconsciousness from which they all sprang to be dealt with by the conscious. Demigods? Absolutely real. But, wait that concept is also echoed by Jesus in the NT of the Bible when He boldly declared to the super religious of his day that….”you all are gods.” Incarnated wisdom. Incarnated goodness. Incarnated creators. This is what we think a good God should be. Wise, good, and tirelessly producing.

In the last several years I’ve found the answers to many of my nagging questions about life in quantum physics and the study of metaphysics. As someone who was raised in a southeast Tennessee Christian context I was acutely aware of the history of Christians balking at science. At one time, not too long ago Christians would kill any other human who thought the world was round. The church regarded this teaching as a point of major doctrine and anyone who opposed that thought was deemed a heretic and punished accordingly. I resolved as an adolescent to listen to science no matter what because to me, to walk in this world as a single-faceted human who only has the ability to disseminate ignorant rigidity concerning the intangible is an utter betrayal of the mystery that sent me to this planet. It would be a cosmic travesty and a coward’s journey for me.

As I sat with my observations I endeavored to honestly explore the implications of them. To the best of my ability I’ve tried to allow the observations all the latitude of God. Because if truth is found in God then God isn’t afraid of the truth. How can I discount one and exalt another simply because the one I choose to exalt tells me to do so? If you have only one dollar to your name and it is in your pocket and you are dehydrated are you going to spend that dollar on water or will you throw it in the trash because someone who seems more hydrated than you tells you to do it and do it with joy because joy is a virtue do you throw it away? In the same way I have chosen my wells and I hope you do too.

As I began to finally have a big picture developing I’ve been able to think through what the implications of this big picture mean to me and how I will allow or disallow them to shape my life and relationships and career and philosophy about life in general.

Every single belief we hold has within it an origination, an emanation, an elation and a declination. Concerning God I no longer have to understand origination because that is truly impossible to know. But, emanation is where I pick up the trail and follow out each belief to see what does this belief entail, how has it shaped the world and people around me, what did or will it look like when it reaches its fullest expression, and what will its declination look like, do I already see its declination, if so what does it look like and what are the implications of its decline. If it hasn’t happened yet but I can see it coming what are the implications of its decline for me personally, and what are the implications of its decline for my neighbor.

In short, everything, every deity, every belief, philosophy will at some point collapse back in to itself. It may resurrect or reassert itself again later or it may fall away completely and out of the reach of the annuls of history for someone like you or me to discover or know that it even existed. Oscillation and vibration is everything. Why? Because literally everything tangible and intangible is comprised of electromagnetic energy. My theology, my cat, the bird on my balcony, the poem in my heart that hasn’t been written down or recited for any ears. All oscillating and vibrating. The higher the vibration the healthier is that thing, person, animal, belief. If there is no vibration. No oscillation. Then there is death. There is no escaping that reality. Your body is made up of approximately one trillion cells. Every second your body is undergoing thousands of chemical processes to keep you alive. Thousands. Every second. Completely unaware your body is carrying out its assignment.

So, where does this position me? I am a Pisces. I’m a poet. I’m a philosopher. I’m an INFJ. I am a manifestor according to human design. I am naturally and now unapologetically a metaphorical and highly spiritual person. The disillusionment and disappointment over the years have once and finally threatened willingness to believe that if a higher power exists then it exists to protect me and cheer me on as I walk through life. I’ve spent so many days crying. So many days wishing I could gather together the most prominent spiritual leaders of every organized religion and major spirituality and screaming at them, “I DON’T UNDERSTAND!!!! I SEE WHAT YOU ARE SAYING. I KNOW WHY YOU BELIEVE THIS. BUT, I DON’T UNDERSTAND WHY THERE SEEMS TO EXIST ONLY A CHASM BETWEEN BELIEF AND REALITY. BECAUSE ALL TOO OFTEN THE BEHAVIOR OF YOUR ADHERENTS DO NOT MATCH THE BELIEF YOU HOLD. PLEASE PROVE TO ME WITH ALL YOUR WISDOM AND KNOWLEDGE AND BEHAVIOR THAT YOUR WAY IS IN FACT THE BEST OR ONLY WAY. BECAUSE AS I STACK YOUR BELEIF AND YOUR ORIGIN STORIES AND YOUR PHILOSOPHIES AND PRACTICES TO OTHERS, WHO SAY SIMILAR THINGS I DON’T SEE HOW IT’S ANY BETTER OR SO UNIQUE THAT IT INDICATES YOUR BELIEF IS THE MOST ORIGINAL AND OLDEST AND THEREFORE THE MOST CORRECT AND SURE.”

I’ve sat with my unbelief. And I’ve realized that if I sever the part of me that is nourished by mystery and metaphor then I will kill myself. I will kill who I am at my core. So, in light of that I have deduced that my healing will not happen if I become atheist in an effort to cope with my hardship and confusion. My most sure path of healing will not include the world of mystery and metaphor but it will be my unique voice. My wilderness cry in a world that has no interest in deep listening. My voice is truly in a desert. It is dry and desolate here and in order to inhabit it you have to have a special skillset that many do not naturally possess nor are they interested in possessing. It’s quiet. The silence alone has born witness to my thought. And, it has been during my contemplation that I have concluded that spirituality cannot and should not be separated from what we consider reality. The gods have always lived among us. They have all at some point or another lived in us in the form of mysteries. Some people shake their fists at mystery because to them mystery is misery. It is a psychological plague. It removes their control and grip on their own understanding of life and as we have seen with the crusades this causes violence because it activates the bruteness and lower vibrational emotions such as anger, hate, superiority, elitism, etc.

As I meditated earlier today I decided, “I will no longer try to separate myth and mystery from science. When I read stories about how demigods came into existence, or how monks and nuns and mystics have levitated during prolonged periods of meditations, or how a scientist used the power of his mind to heal his own broken bones….I understand that the truth lies in the mystery.” Fact doesn’t have to be separated from fiction. Remember the chasm I mentioned? That chasm is space. Space between the intangible and tangible. Space between belief and practiced reality. Space. Did you know that an atom is 99.999999999% empty space? And, if you removed the empty space from the atoms of all people, the entire human race could fit in the volume of a sugar cube? Empty space where there is no obligation to believe a certain doctrine or dogma, empty space where there is no demand for decision, empty space that is completely and infinitely neutral, empty space like this should be inherent and integrated into belief system in the world whether atheistic, polytheistic, or monotheistic.

I came away from my meditation with this specific thought in my mind, “the mysterium, the mythology, theology cannot and never will be reduced down to simple calculation that is explained away by science. Science is the twin flame of spirit.” Little did I know only an hour or so later as I continued my study about physics that I would come across a quote by Nassim Haramein, a unified physics researcher and scientist. He said, “Physics without philosophy is lost in mathematics. You have to have a fundamental concept to write the math that works. And that is called thought, philosophy.”

Today my footing is more sure not because of hard and fast and provable science but because I am intrinsically rooted in mystery. I am found in metaphor. And I await science to discover me.

Yours in thought,

Cozett

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Justice And Poverty: True Justice Has No Need For Charity

Cozett Contemplates justice. It’s not about politics. It’s about justice. It’s about survival. It’s about pushing back the BS and being unapologetic.

Over the last few days I’ve felt impressed to explore my own sense and understanding of justice. The delivery of justice…the reception of justice is intricately tied to our mental health.

Anytime power is taken away from us…

Anytime our boundaries are violated…

Anytime our survival is threatened due to political injustices that never touch the wealthy….

It negatively impacts our mental health. So what happens then?

1. We are told to cope “better”

2. We are told to manage our pennies “better”

3. We are told to stop buying Starbucks coffee (poor people don’t have luxuries to sacrifice like days on the lake, or cut down on vacations, etc.)

4. We go to counseling because we’ve lost our sense of motivation or depression that we just can’t beat and so the message then is, “well you just need to work thru “your” issues

5. Then when all else fails we turn to SSRIs and other medications to help us feel more numb (aka stable).

When all the while it’s not us…it really is…them.

Stress is a killer. Another real estate agent told me earlier today that 4 people in their 40s at her office and in perfectly good health dropped dead…unexpectedly. And it was during their sleep, on vacation, showering, and relaxing.

If you are a sufferer of anxiety, PTSD then you know that’s when anxiety and panic hits.

Having money, earning money, making money…should not be so stressful to the point it kills you. Period. And, no we don’t need counseling, pills, a sabbatical (we can’t afford that anyway), to cope with the economy and stress. We need money. Period.

We need equality when it comes to our most basic survival needs.

I want to see a radical, revolutionary push back to the government and society that perpetuates a culture that wears stress and busy-ness as a badge.

Will you join me?

This isn’t about politics. It’s about justice. And those 2 things have a large chasm in between them.

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Authentic…Unto Death

Sitting here in the dark, dimly lit bedroom I’ll soon never sleep in again. I’ve spent the last 20 minutes sitting with my chunky headphones on listening to, “Return to Innocence” by Enigma on repeat and watching Talia sleep.  I’m still processing the last 24 hours when she became suddenly blind.  If the past 3 years have taught me anything it is to slow down and spend prolonged time taking in the people, animals, and good memories made.

I stink, I’m sweaty and not even gonna shower before I fall asleep.  But, my Talia…she’s blind.  And, now I finally realize and regret my own blindness.  I’ve allowed everything and everyone to get in the way of me living my life in a more rooted way.  A more earthy way.  That’s all we really have you know?

A few years ago I read a web article about pet euthanasia.  The majority of pets who experience euthanasia do so in the company of the techs and vet and staff because it’s so hurtful to see your fur baby/child to transition in front of you.  And, that was absolutely my mindset.  But, a few techs and vets weighed in and offered an alternative perspective on pet euthanasia.   They all stated that while they completely understand why pet owners don’t want to be there to witness the event and that they will always respect people’s grief process,  they long to see more pet owners be present.  Pets have a very small circle of family and friends.  In the short span of their lives they will live in a home with family and friends who come and go.  So they may only know maybe 10 people give or take for their entire lives.  They never get a break from us, haha.  But, the thing is they never feel smothered and if it was possible they would stay within our shadow and by our sides every single second for a millenia.  Their love and devotion is bottomless, untiring, ever cheerful, ever patient, ever thrilled to hear our voice, see our face, smell our scent.  Whether it’s the first time they sniff you or the millionth time their enthusiasm never diminishes or fades, it only brings their hearts that much closer to ours.   They only ever love us more every day they’re alive.

When I read this a light went off.  Talia loves me with everything in her.  You can literally feel her love energy.  And while I am her #1 favorite human she’s like this about any human she’s ever met.  Instantly warm, curious, and gentle hoping for some affection and a new friendship.  She has never been scared of anything.  Loud sounds, thunder storms, shrieks of little ones playing or crying.

In fact when it thunderstorms sometimes she and I go out on the porch and I sit her in my lap and we watch the lightning and feel the rain spray in gently and coolly upon our bodies and faces.  When it lightnings I can see the spray on her fur and it looks like dew.

She intently looked up at the sky and followed the lightning streaks with her eyes.  Sniffing the wind occasionally for some wild scents.  Never flinching, squirming, or tense.  Relaxed, intrigued, longing to see what it would feel like up in the sky above her.  She is such a brave old girl.  Car rides?  She loves them.  Going for a walk on a leash?  Yes, please.

My constant companion whom has shown me much greater and deeper love than the majority of humans who have been in my life. 

Because of this I resolved that when the day comes if I am able to have any forewarning of her passing I will hold her in my arms and sing her her favorite lullabys.  I’ve reworded I don’t know how many songs to include her name and take her beautiful gentle life into adventure stories, sleepy time songs, and of course my doting love songs over my precious cat.  I will stay by her side just like she has mine.  My arms, hands, scent and voice, touch, body warmth and love….as much love as any human could ever possibly hold…my love for her will be the last experience she has here.  She never left my side and I’ll never leave hers either.  Ever.  I’ll be holding her and kissing her little knobby head and singing to her until she’s in the arms of the angels. 

Her gentleness is like her own cottony fur.  So tender and soft you can hardly even feel it touching your skin.  She’s so tiny.  At the time of this writing she weighs about 6 lbs.  She’s a bit underweight even though she’s small.   I’m not entirely sure what breeds she’s made from but she has a tortoise siamese colored coat and deep, dark blue eyes (that now look a bit purple in her blindness).  And she’s very short, low to the ground, haha.  And her little tail is short.  She’s built like a munchkin but has the coat and eyes of a Siamese.

Her little multi-colored paws look like they are ringed in caramel.  And she loves belly rubs.  And 99% of the time doesn’t attack my hand.  That 1% though….she’s got a streak.  I guess if she didn’t she wouldn’t have been able to put up with mine and Margo Holder s crap all these years, hahaha.  Margo often says that Talia is her spirit animal and believe me when I say, she is not wrong.

At any rate, beyond all of this the last 24 hours of her going suddenly completely blind has opened my eyes to something I’ve decided I want to do that will likely seem odd to more people than not.  But, that’s how I roll anyway.

I have deep regrets about not spending as much time with my family and friends as I’d like to.  I’ve allowed life to get in the way.  And if I allow life to be a stumbling block…what will that mean at death?

For many years now I’ve casually researched death doulas.  Most people don’t even know what a doula is much less a death doula.  Now, I’m not saying I want to be or am going to be a death doula by profession.  But, there are some facets of their work that I am going to implement where it’s appropriate and of course permissible.

I have decided that I want my heart to break wide open and hold my family and friends in my arms as they transition so that it is my hands, my arms, my energy, my truest and deepest love for them to be what they are enveloped in as they transition.

I’ve always been a lover.  A hugger…to the point of extreme and strange awkwardness. 

But,  how can I apologize for that?  And, for what reason should I reign it in?  Covid-19 wiped millions of people off this planet in the blink of an eye comparatively speaking.  And, not just Covid, but wars, disasters, political rhetoric that has risen to the point that brother is against brother.  I long for the day to see field upon field joined to pastures and woodlands filled with a great many more plowshares.  As it is, sheaths clamor and tremble longing for the bloodied blades to return again for fear of being found guilty before God as being accomplices.

Blood is crying out from the ground but we can’t hear it because the main stream has become the main scream and their volume has driven us to deafness.  Our ears dull and listening unskilled.  Our mouths boastful, arrogant and insisting on our own rights, or beliefs to be looked at as the pinnacle of truth even if it means the death of another human who doesn’t agree.

No.  This world isn’t for me.  So, from this point forward I’m going my own way.  I’m about to do everything in my life the weirdest and most unconventional way as possible. 

Life is valuable.  It is precious.  Sacred. Holy in its own right.  How could I betray it by living anything less than 1000% authentically to who I am, to what my level and intensity of love is like, to cleave to my own philosophies formed circumspectly and carefully?  How could I ever be ok with exchanging even the weirdest things about me in lieu of making myself more acceptable?   Life is too short for that.  It’s too brilliantly faceted for that.  I am committed to being my different self no matter what that looks like or who it may trouble.   Doing death differently…addressing the deeper, intangible components of dying and watching life transform as its vehicle weakens…is when you know you’re a catalyst and have just changed your own trajectory.  Forever.  I will never be the same after these last 3 years and it took my dear Talia’s blindness to open my eyes to the truth that it is in fact how life should be lived so that when we settle into the arms of death we will embrace it regretless and with the sense of an old dear friend who has come to pay a visit. 

I am different.  Unto death.

My desire is to be the most open, accepting, loving, heart-centered person you know.   And, if I can be that then don’t thank me or give me any accolades.  Thank Margo Holder, my mamaw, my nieces and nephews, my parents, my brothers, and my intimate friends.  Because it is them who have shaped me and shown me how weird love is, how unconditional it can feel, and the powerful relief it offers when you’re in the worst pain of your life.  We aren’t perfect.  None of us are.  And far be it from me to close my mind and heart to this human experience.

We are all walking miracles. Our pets included.

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Cozett’s Crossroads

I have come to a major crossroads in my life. Typically my writing is a bit more metaphoric and maybe verbose. But, this. This is a thought dump.

I’m to a place where I need to discover what can make my life enjoyable outside of spirituality and sexuality. Those two things have been basically who I am my entire life. I’ve always loved, eat, slept, breathed, drank and spent thousands upon thousands of dollars into learning more about both. These two facets of most people’s lives even though so common are so much more energetically complex than the majority of people care to think about.

But, it’s these two things that have caused me the most pain, confusion, division, and mental health issues for me. I’m not going to go into the reasons why as the explanations are lengthy. But, will touch on them lightly as necessary to make this entry as coherent and cohesive as possible.

An admittance of one of my major flaws is that unless a subject, experience, encounter, or conversation is “deep” then it leaves me feeling empty and disconnected. Obviously, it’s too intense to be that way all the time for most people and maybe that’s why fatigue is an issue for me.

At any rate, I am here trying to reimagine my life sans spirituality and sans romantic/sexual interactions. I really don’t know who I am apart from these two things. So, I guess that means I’m getting ready to mourn the parts of myself that I always hoped would be the parts to experience the depth and breadth and richness this planet can offer the most.

I’ve never been a parent so I don’t have kids that I have to live for. That’s a big thing for most people. I have two cats that are the best pets ever so that brings me a great deal of comfort and joy. The type of work that I love to do I can’t do due to lack of education and competition. So, I don’t love my job.

Travel. I guess maybe that’s the next big thing for me? We shall see. But, even that has always held a spiritual quality for me. I suppose I could shift it to where I could feel it more poetically than spiritually.

More later.

Cheers,

Cozett Dunn

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O Istanbul

As the sun went down and the moon drifted high

It occurred to me the end is nigh

The end of frustration and vexation and being stamped down

The end of feeling like I’m about to drown

My breakthrough came like a thief in the night

Gathering me as the good and stealing me from my plight

I was whisked away to a Turkish wonderland

The place where I always take my ancient stand

In the valley of the kings the queens come and submit

We rise as a group and the men become fit

There is a divine order God wishes to bring

One where the martyred women sing

Of their daughters glories and freedom stories

When Mother Cozett came with a soaking rain

Religion turned to reason

The reason changed the season

And immediately the lions laid with the lambs

Peace, peace she spoke

As her poetic bread was broke

Hardened hearts of willful violence

Became transformed in the silence

From the least to the greatest they all sat and listened

As mama Cozett’s words formed like Dew and glistened

Shimmering brown skin soaking in apothecary

My words became their sanctuary

Grace to the mountains and peace to the Golden Horn

Never again will battle rend us forlorn

The time is now and it’s about you and me

The time is now see the words of God upon the sea?

In all shapes and sizes and forms

Colors and facets that break the norms

A new day has dawned it arrives expeditiously

My poetry ushered it in auspiciously

Let us sit round the fire of the Bosphorous

Let’s ingest wisdom until we’re prosperous

I’ll feast with you till the daylight dawns

Wash your feet under the stars while the prideful yawns

Our way is a new way a higher way

We can lead together on the highway

A mass Exodus due to system disapproval

Warrants that the good and fat of the land issue reproval

Condemnation belongs to those who kick the goads

Like the wild ass who takes the resistance roads

There is a better way and I’ll show you why

But first let’s sit and look at the sky

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