Tag: Life Path

Don’t Suffer The Pain Of Inaction: One Percent More

Today you have an opportunity.  Today you have the ability to do 1% more than you did yesterday to achieve your goals and live out your wildest dreams.

For me I’ve always feared the regret of inaction more than the fear of taking the wrong action.

I’ve seen first hand how analysis paralysis and indecision can negatively impact the future of a person. Analysis paralysis is cousin to fear. And, I hate that whole family 

Today I’m issuing you another call to courage.  To believe in yourself and your massive intuitive abilities.   You CAN trust yourself.   YOU are your greatest resource.  But, how can you discover the gold mine that is you if you refuse to explore and tap into who you suspect yourself to be.

Are you really that great??  Yes.  Yes, you are.

You see it is the core of who you are that is a gift to the world. Unfortunately, from the day we are born until the day we die that core us covered over every day with layers of obligations that are NOT in alignment with our ultimate purpose or deepest desires.

Is it not a gift to be a good son, daughter, wife, husband, aunt, sibling, community organizer activist, etc?  Of course it is!  But, the secret to a fulfilled life and achieved destiny is not to be these things to the detriment of your soul’s calling.

None of the roles that you operate in should eclipse the expression of your most authentic self.  They can be beautiful vehicles for that expression to be sure.  But, if you ever find yourself feeling lost to motherhood, fatherhood, being a boss, being a religious leader or whatever then that is a key indicator that your role has eclipsed your soul.

Maybe you’ve been wading around in indecision for a long time.  Years perhaps.  Maybe you’ve been saying to yourself that if you just had a sign then that would be your permission to set yourself free of all that holds you back.  With that said…here’s your sign.

I love you.  And I don’t want to see you sacrifice the great adventure that is wrapped up and encoded in your DNA.  I don’t want to see you suffer and come to me in counseling one day for the, “I wish I would have…”

My message to you is, “just do it already!”  Dive!  Take that break.   Take that vacation. Open your mind to the things that intrigue you but scare you at the same time because you’re afraid of what people would think…if they knew you…thought.

This is YOUR life and you don’t owe it to anyone.  Your life is your own.  It’s your puzzle, your mystery, your source of delight, your source of endless curiosity, your compass, your vehicle for radically experiencing planet Earth.  The planet is a beautiful and wild place.   There are people just waiting for you to cross their path and set them free.  To show them the lessons you’ve learned.   To offer your depth of insight from the life you’ve learned.

But how will you ever experience that.  That satisfaction.  If you won’t allow yourself to move forward?

I’m gonna keep issuing this call until there is an entire global revolution at my feet. I can promise you that. It is part of my destiny and wildest dreams to help you achieve yours.

Love,
Cozett

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Assessing My F3 Response: Becoming Bulletproof Journal Entry

I’ve just started, “Becoming Bulletproof” by Evy Poumpouras. I had this book in my Amazon cart for a little while. As someone who has had a life filled with battling anxiety, the title appealed to me for obvious reasons. But, it wasn’t until my most recent trip to Turkey that I felt a nudge from Spirit and a deep resonance in my soul to go ahead and purchase it. In fact it was about two days before I was to fly home back to the states that I clearly heard the Spirit say to me, “what is in your future will require you to be bulletproof.” In that moment I had forgotten that I even had the book in my cart. I was moving about my hotel room packing and began quietly mulling over what I had just heard as well examine the emotions and feelings that came up as a result. As I folded and separated my dirty clothes from my clean clothes the feelings I was able to identify clued me in on what my impending future could hold. I felt feelings of hope, excitement, being respected, admired, looked to and intelligent. Now, isn’t that an odd response from a statement to an anxiety sufferer? I thought so too. But, it’s the feelings that let me know that I have one BIG adventure ahead of me. And, I need to prepare so it goes as smoothly and as fun and interesting as possible. I’m ALL about the odd and interesting. I find myself constantly immersed in the interesting. I have stories some people would never believe or imagine.

As someone who has been in counseling for years and one who practices mindfulness and meditation I have broke with thought patterns that feed fear. I’ve trained myself to distract myself and move should I start feeling bogged down with fearful thoughts. To some degree in retrospect…in this moment actually I realize I’ve lost a big part of myself to managing triggers rather than just living in the moment. At any rate, I’m about 32 pages into this book and twice now the author has prompted me to think on my fears. First to assess what I’m afraid of and second to assess my F3 responses and determine what is my most common response. Fight, flight or freeze. Both times I’ve balked at the thought of allowing any of these thoughts into my mind. My fear was…that I would become fearful if I think about it. My training has taught me to distract and get my mind to flit across the thoughts about fear like a stone skipping across a lake. To think about my destination rather than moment. And, that has served me well seriously. Instead of getting lost in thought about a doctor’s appointment I think on what I’m going to do once I leave the doctor’s office. Because, I AM going to leave. I’m not going to stop there. I have things to do and enjoy and rewards to give myself for getting through that appointment. It keeps me moving forward and gets me unstuck. Hence, the tendency I had to freeze.

As I intentioned to go ahead and get still and allow my mind to engage my fears here is what I discovered about my F3 response. My most common is to freeze. This response “comes” to me. It is one that builds in waves as my body slows to a halt. It’s progressive. It looms like an approaching hurricane as you register that you’re in its direct path and feels like you won’t be able to get out of its way in time. But, because it comes in measures and because I’ve done so much inner work I can at least identify what I need to do to begin to steer myself to a calm harbor. In these moments movement is key for me. If I’m alone I’ll usually dance if I have a good control. Or, if I don’t have good control I’ll usually uncontrollably fidget and flail a bit. On that note did you know this is actually an evolutionary response? If you’ve ever witnessed big cats in the wild you’ll notice that just after pursuing prey, fighting or other moments of challenge they will shake themselves. This is the body ridding itself of adrenaline and getting back into a parasympathetic state. Also, did you know that our sympathetic nervous system kicks in when we need to meet a challenge and our parasympathetic nervous system kicks in to help us rest and digest. They work in tandem with each other to keep us balanced out. And they do that automatically. Thank God, right?? Our bodies our awe-inspiring and ALWAYS working FOR us. Never against us. Remember that.

Next, as the author can also relate, my next common response is to fight. This is rare but it happens if I’m surprised and don’t see the threat coming. I’ll spare you the details but I’ve often sprung into fight mode when someone is aggressive towards me, wants to intimidate me or unnecessarily comes at me in anger. Other than those scenarios I freeze.

Here’s what’s most interesting to me though. Out of all that I’ve been through. My mother’s addict boyfriends, saving her life and the life of one of my brothers and the life of a stranger who was drowning at Fall Creek Falls (I couldn’t save him by going in the water after him because it was too dangerous and I’m not a strong swimmer. Instead I screamed until someone heard me and dove in after him. Two men from India there as tourists heard my cry and immediately responded. Had I not screamed he would have been dead because it was only he and I there and everyone else was downstream of the falls.) He looked me in the eyes as he went under like I had betrayed him by not helping him. I didn’t know until that night if he actually survived. Once one of the men dove in for him I ran to my car and called 911 and never looked back because I couldn’t bear seeing his body dragged out. Thankfully, he did survive and it was my voice and the skill of a stranger that saved him. In all of these things the ONLY F3 response I’ve never demonstrated is to flee. I’ve never backed down from a crisis. If it’s a personal crisis I freeze and then force myself to move. If it’s an unanticipated attack I fight. But, I’ve never fled in all of my 42 years. And in this moment that brings into focus just how bulletproof I really am.

What about you? Do you suffer from mental health issues? Panic disorder? Generalized Anxiety? It may be worth evaluating your F3 responses. You may come away with the pure gold of more confidence in yourself if you do.

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Panic During Sleep

The last several days have brought unanticipated answers to some of my deepest questions about my own life.

  1. Why am I here?
  2. Where is my place in this world? Do I even belong or have a place?

I’ve always felt like an outsider. I carry this sort of grappling, grasping, yet avoiding and obsessive energy. As an aspiring psychologist and one who has had a very traumatized life I am peculiarly and acutely self-aware.

Since I was 29 years old I began having panic episodes during my sleep. I would wake up with a dangerously high heart rate. After much testing (because I had health insurance at the time) the conclusion was sleep apnea. Which I agree with. BUT.

My body has been sending me messages for a long time that I haven’t been able to interpret properly until now. And this seemingly sudden ability to switch from being confused and frustrated to some “aha” moments I have discovered some things that have changed my life.

Initially, I suspected that I was having actual panic attacks in my sleep. And now I’ve discovered that is true!

When we sleep our body decompresses, our liver kicks into high gear and detoxes us, and we begin to recover from oxidative stress. When we sleep our bodies are extremely efficient about getting us recovered from pressure.

So, what was my problem? I am an extremely sensitive person. If you feel something…I can feel you….feeling and experiencing it. And my psyche interprets that as my own feelings. This in addition to my own energetic experiences. Needless to say I get overwhelmed easily. I am the classic, stereotypical introvert, INFJ, Piscean personality. And because of my childhood I have an avoidant attachment style. I can never get too close to someone without eventually shutting down to drown out all of their energetic experiences. I’m like a sponge. And, it hasn’t felt good to be in my body for most of my life.

In my deepest sleep I was decompressing super fast and as a result my body offloading the stress so quickly kinda put me in a tailspin.

And that’s where I’m at today! The last 2 years as many of you now know were nothing short of horrific and traumatizing for me. And, finally after having been so tense and upset for such a long period of time I’m finding myself struggling with panic disorder again because I’ve gotten a bit of a respite. I’ve been decompressing. Fast. So many GOOD THINGS coming toward me right now…and I feel like absolute crap. I have qualms about being able to receive all of it. BUT, because these things I’m receiving are literally life-long dreams of mine I’m pushing myself to be positioned mentally, physically and emotionally to enjoy! And honestly it feels traumatic and scary. There is a disconnect that I’m wrestling with. How is it possible that my body reacts so negatively to answered prayers and having my heart’s desires?

I’m trying so hard to learn to listen to my body. As I awoke the last 2 days I have done so with a lot of full body pain, stiffness, and adrenaline. My first thought this morning was, “wow. What a way to start my day.”

But, then it occurred to me….yes, this is the best way to start my day. I’m starting my day by being presented with an opportunity to listen to the MOST ancient and subtle wisdom that exists. And that is the innate wisdom of the human body. It goes far beyond the surface of “uh I’m getting older and not feeling good.” Our bodies are ABLE TO COMMUNICATE so much more than just, “ouch, or yuck I don’t feel good.” It can actually tell us why and what the best course of action is to get back into homeostasis.

So, now instead of being disappointed in my body and scolding it for not feeling reliable I have transmuted that negative reaction. I stand in awe and gratitude that my body has the ability to inform me and educate me on what it needs. This is all vibrational you see. It’s all a matter of energetics. Frequencies.

Did you know our nervous system generates enough electricity to power the city of Chattanooga for 30 days??! What do you think happens when that electricity isn’t grounded?? What do you think your potential could be if you could focus and direct all that power in ways that sustain and nourish you? (Here is where I cannot recommend highly enough vitalistic chiropractors.)

We are all “live wires.” Spirit, breath, flesh, bone, blood, miles upon miles of veins, capillaries and…yes, electricity. 🤷🏼‍♀️

So my question to you today is, “how are you feeling?” “Are you aware of your own vibrations and currents and frequencies?” Do you ever feel like your body is working against your mind and is unreliable? If so…don’t punish it by thinking toxic thoughts about it and shaming it or being disappointed in it. It just wants you to listen!! Lean in and listen to the sound of your own heartbeat. Talk to your organs, joints, muscles and tell them how proud you are of them and see if you don’t feel those areas of your body warm as though smiling.

If your body and mind feel scattered check in and ask it questions that you feel led to ask it. Those answers will come when you open to the fact that every cell within you has a frequency. A vibration. And that frequency and vibration is the foundation of ALL forms of communication. So learn to listen like an old friend and a compassionate counselor to your body. Hold space for it to give you the answers you need about what’s troubling you.

Since this discovery is so new for me I have a lot of work to do to create cohesion between my body and mind. I’ve had a war on my hands for years. But, finally I feel like I now have at least a portion of the owner’s manual to this skin suit. Some directions. Knowledge is power am I right??

So what do I do now that I have the answers I’ve been searching for AND the impending blessings I’ve longed for all my life…at the same time??

I become the master alchemist. I know beyond a doubt that with the information my body has given me over the last few days I can take that and through meditation and the power of my own breath I can transmute the harsh, rattled energy of a traumatized mind into the very catalyst I needed to position me to receive ALL that God has for me.

Pray for me in the days ahead?

Here’s to healing,
Cozett…

#healingtrauma #myjourney #cozettcontemplates #MindBodyConnection #mindbodycohesion

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Vulnerability

You likely don’t have all the answers. But, never underestimate the power of holding space and just listening. Humans are inherently resilient, powerful and intuitive all on their own. When someone you love is struggling…just holding space and being intentional about making that space sacred and open for whatever comes up and out is often just enough to clear the blocks that have fallen onto their path.

You. You are inherently powerful. You are inherently intuitive. You are inherently resilient. And, together….there is nothing we can’t do.

You are meant for forward motion BUT not at the expense of stillness. I firmly believe one of the greatest lessons we have learned and are learning from the impact of a global pandemic is the value of stillness. The whole world literally had to stop so that we could all get on board at the same time to be faced with what can be found in the stillness.

For some of us that has meant confronting our shadow side. There is this unintentional discovery of the fact that for so long we have just been powering through our pain and toxic patterns. Stumbling and groping through a darkness that we can’t understand why it exists…what its purpose is….what lessons are we not getting from it and where did it come from is something we are collectively facing.

You are not in this alone. I’m going through it. My friends are going through it. Your family is going through it. Our neighbors and colleagues are going through it.

So what’s the good news in all of this? The good news is that this time of being forced to face the darkness….in the quiet of our minds is serving as a catalyst to get us all to a place that is much more….human friendly.

The old way of doing things….powering past the pain and sucking it up….is passing away…so that we are made new.

I believe we are all being made new in the light of an era that’s message is “it’s ok and healthy and encouraged to vocalize your pain and let others in on your acknowledgement of that pain and your desire to heal from it.”

In a world where capitalism and toxic masculinity has been the order of the day for thousands of years we are now facing a golden opportunity to learn the benefits of community, authenticity, vulnerability and tenderness.

I am ready for it! Are you?? Ready to heal. Ready to be vulnerable. Ready and willing to connect and lay down our armor and just….love!

It may look awkward. It may feel awkward. We’ve not been able to be like this for many lifetimes. So naturally as we become more intentional about connecting authentically and deeply there are going to be stumbling points and times where it feels unnatural or forced.

But my friends I am telling you…it is so worth it!

I encourage you today to dive into the awkwardness! Plant yourself right in the middle of awkwardness. I guarantee you there are people all around you just waiting to see you do this….so that they can too!

This, in my opinion is one of the highest forms of leadership. It is leading in a way that naturally inspires and organically creates space and connection that affect growth in the people that cross our path.

I wanna tell you that I love you. I love you so much. And I want you to love me too! Is that ok to say?? Yes. Yes it is.

And now here is a poem inspired by an amazing healing collaboration I just had with someone. Also, inspired by the storms rolling through.

I’m in pain. Can you see me?
Is it even ok to say I’m in pain?
Is it ok for me to ask you to be my guide?

Walking in the rain and feeling through the mist
The storm settling in as my woes I list

I didn’t know what would happen when I came to you.
I couldn’t have known you held my breakthrough.

It is amazing what happens when we pull together.
It’s as though we could make it through any kind of weather.

A new day has dawned and the skies are clearing.
Making the darkness conscious is abating all I was fearing.

I am a human…being.
No longer a human…fleeing.

Trapped in fight or flight
Not many could understand my plight.

Your humanity…has restored my sanity. And for that I am forever grateful 🙏🏻

Love,
Cozett

bettertogether

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Joyful Abandon and the Face of Wisdom: The Tao Te Ching and Children Playing

I’m currently lying in the grass reading the Tao Te Ching and occasionally glancing at children play and it is giving me life. The subtle wisdom of the Tao Te Ching coupled with kids playing in the backdrop…the implications of this scenario isn’t lost on me. It’s so interesting watching them sled the hill.  Some are natural daredevils and have no fear. They run and jump onto their cardboard get up speed then fall off and tumble the rest of the way down the hill. With all the bumps, mud, grass and scraped elbows they laugh with total abandon.

Others are afraid of gaining too much speed.  They freeze up and the sled stops. Or, they won’t kick quite hard enough to build momentum.  They look all around them estimating how close other kids are to make sure they don’t get collide.  Often they will sit still on the sled for several minutes afraid to launch.

Some wanna be daredevils but are overthinking their short sled ride. They try out dozens of different angles and sections of the hill.  They experiment with which end of their cardboard will glide best.  They can’t seem to find just the perfect combination of slope, angle, and projected landing point.  One will literally stop his ride to pick up the cardboards around him that other kids left behind.   He didn’t focus on his sled ride but allowed it to be interrupted by what others left lying behind.

Can I just chime in here and show my solidarity with the overthinkers?  I see you.  The ride ahead looks amazing.  But, it’s those “what ifs” that hold us back.  In reality the ride is very short and in the long term it doesn’t really matter how you tackle the ride just that you DO tackle the ride!  See where I’m going with this?

If I had a dollar for everytime I waged war with my what ifs, I would be a wealthy woman.  I come from a family of engineers and it’s in my blood to engineer out every possible negative scenario before embarking on any adventure.

But, I can honestly say that because I know this about myself I always push ahead. I would rather do it and fail than deal with the longing unfulfilled due to fear.

So, while I am the overthinker of my peer group I still find myself with some jewels of stories that others could never imagine. I have adventure stories that I will take to my grave 😏. Where the unimaginable is…is where I long to be…and have been.

In short I wanna look back at my life as the kid who deep down was filled with fear but did it anyway.

Now. I gotta tell you the funny reactions from the adults/guardians of these kids. Tell me if you can find yourself in any of them??

Dad 1: (Flabbergasted)  “you’re so dirty when we get home I’m just gonna beat you with a broom.”

Mom 1: (The tough parent) “oh c’mon now you said, “ouch” before you even hit the ground.

Mom 2:  (I give up mode) “when we get home just stand in the driveway and we will hose you off”

Which kid are you? Which guardian are you?

In whichever ones you find yourself I hope that you find your awe in the sense of adventure and the loving willingness that says, “yeah you got really dirty. But I’d clean you up a thousand times if it means you get to experience joyful abandon.”

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The Cure For Our Disease

Wanting nothing gaining everything

Detach and declare to the deviant mind

Snatch the nightmare that threatens to bind

Shod your feet with the finest of soil

Worthwhile reward for your labor and toil

Running circles stamping out fire

Will it matter when you’re on the pyre?

Detach and declare victory to the overworked mind

Then come to me to rest…seek and you will find

Floating above the masses in awakening

Mind, body and soul quaking

It wasn’t hard to leave it behind

I left a breadcrumb trail for those inclined

Shaken…not stirred

As my dream engine whirred

We’ll meet in the ether

The pathway there is gold beneath her

Higher, higher and higher still

The only way I reach it just now is with a quill

The feather of which lufts me with ease

This may be the cure for our disease

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We Are All A Walking Eclipse

You…yes you.  And I.  As long as we are in this body we will be both darkness and light.  The intensity of the darkness and light will fluctuate in intensity as we journey.  That is because none of us are static.  We are not fixed beings.

I don’t care how much work Jesus does in you.  I don’t care how much inner work you do.  How much space you hold.  How many vices you conquer.   You will NOT take your last breath in a state of 100% virtue.

Since that’s the case…why are we so freaking uncomfortable when we see both darkness and light in another person?

I am convinced if we are ever going to attain the pinnacle of what is possible for existence in a flesh suit…then we have to embrace non-dualism and surrender any inclinations we may have in whipping morality or high ideals into the people around us.

Morality, love, virtue…these are things that laws cannot create.

Why do I want to be a good person?  It’s not because of my fear of being locked up or penalized if I don’t meet someone else’s expectations and measure up to their ideals.

It’s because I am inspired by the behavior of other good people.  Not because there is a cop, a preacher, a sheikh, a Buddha or some other moral “authority” looming large over me.

When I see good and it’s impact…it’s the example not the threat that provokes me to aspire to do and be better.

I promise you this. Your light makes people jealous.  Your darkness makes people want to capitalize on your weakness so that they appear more blameless.

Either way you go….you are going to make someone uncomfortable.   You are going to make someone mad.  You are going to encounter jealousy.

And, when you are comfortable letting other people see….really really see your nature that is both dark and light it will either push them out of your life because they haven’t grown to a point they are able to accommodate the grandness and the mystery that is you OR it will draw them into a place where they can FINALLY love and accept themselves and get unstuck in life.

The greatest gift we can give someone else is love.  And, love is so much more expansive than we give it credit for. 

I heard a quote recently from Hamlet.  “There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy.”

None of us have a monopoly on the understanding of the profundity and full implication of love.

Love is an ever unfolding multiverse in and of itself.  The bounds of it can’t be found.  So why do we want to bind people to what we should acknowledge is a limited and flawed philosophy of love?

I am pro human.  I love and embrace your humanity. It is no threat to me.  I celebrate the nuanced picture I am able to see of you.   We all have non-congruent qualities.  For many people….recognizing non-congruent qualities in another person often is taken as a red flag.  But, the majority of the time there is no reason for that.  It is a survival instinct.  It is a base instinct.

All my life I have felt like someone on the outside of life looking in at everyone else.  I have tons of non-congruent qualities.  Sometimes that bothers me (particularly if I’ve spent any time around people who are naturally critical and easily offended.)  Other times these qualities are a comfort for me, things that amuse me about myself that puts a sparkle in my eyes because I find myself so funny for holding so much darkness and light at the same time.

I am so tired of living life on the auto pilot that is political correctness.  I am over living my life in fawn mode with a false sense of guilt over religious expectations.  I will never be completely virtuous.  And, you won’t either. 

I will continue to live my life inspired and called by goodness rather than in mindless reaction to fear of chastisement.   There is no fear in love right? 

My greatest desire in life is to empower and encourage people to be who they are authentically without fear of some sort of being exiled for being who they are.  Got darkness?  Great!! Me too!!  Got light??  Awesome!! Shine with me??  Let’s prove to the world that we are inherently both and that IS inherently ok.

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“Hate to be so emotional
I didn’t mean to get physical
But when he pulled in and revved it up
I said you call that a pickup truck
And in the moonlight I throwed him down
A kicking, screaming, a rolling around
A little piece of a bloody tooth
Just so you know I was thinking of you
Just so you know I was oh….” Kings of Leon- Pickup Truck.

My new way of processing the hardships of life is stealing away in these hard to find moments to just sit in the pouring rain. Life has been so much I feel myself losing all ability to be apologetic. I am just so done with the prevailing criticism and unforgiving and merciless culture that our country has found itself in.

In my life love, mercy, compassion, accommodation, and hospitality rule. I have zero desire to analyze my fellow humans for the sake of pointing out perceived character flaws. I have zero desire to sensitize myself to potential offense.

Humanity is swampy. We are like one giant mosh pit of beliefs, traditions, cultures, philosophies, etc. It is inevitable we are going to crash into each other in this grand concert of life. It is inevitable someone is gonna sweat on us. Someone is gonna trip us, fall into us, push us. And if you can’t handle that and you’re so touchy then maybe the human experience isn’t for you.

And just like in the thrill of crowdsurfing at a concert someone is…..going to drop you. And if that is too much for you to handle then don’t bother going for the adventure to begin with.

I remember a concert back in my late teens. It was a grunge band. In this massive arena I was able to secure a spot on the floor and center stage of one of my favorite bands. There were people smoking, and screaming and moshing and just fully living the experience. I decided to jump into a mosh pit and found myself lifted up and crowdsurfing. It all happened so fast (life happens so fast.) It was such a rush!! I don’t even know how long I was above the crowd. It was so much fun and so wild and seemingly outta control. And I loved it. The people who were bearing me up in their hands were cheering and sweating and I felt so alive. But, it hurt. Their hands dug into my spine, bruised my back and my legs, cut my arm and I lost one of my shoes and then as quickly as I had been hoisted into the air as my favorite band roared about their own existential crisis (typical of grunge bands. If you know you know.) I was dropped.

I fell all my weight onto one of my knees and then some dude got pushed and he fell over me and stepped on my fingers.

And you know what??? I wouldn’t effin change that experience. Ever.

Are you kidding me?? A teenager. Front row, center stage. No. I am not going to complain. I am going to live.

There is a price to pay if you want to fully live.

There is a price to pay if you dare live out who you really are on the inside.

In life…you have front row, center stage with all the glory and frailty of humanity swirling around you.

Are you going to hone in on every person who accidentally crashes into your ego?? Because if you find yourself offended at someone else’s shortcomings and they’re not “measuring up” to your “reasonable” standards then that’s where you are. You’re in your ego. You’re in yourself. You’re foolishly squandering your front row, center stage.

And when you look back you’re not gonna remember the concert. No. You’re gonna remember, “well this person didn’t do this or that person didn’t do that or this person just isn’t a person of character. “

And all the while you’ve lost the big picture.

You surmise that the totality of a person’s nature can only be seen and measured by the moments they dropped you. By the moments they crashed into you.

Forsaking the understanding that we are all human and we are all doing the best we can with the time we have.

STOP living in perpetual offense! You have front row, center stage. The grunge band is roaring. You will never have this moment again. Can you hear my pleading??

Does anyone hear what I’m trying to say?? Am I alone in this??

In the rain at Renaissance Park in Chattanooga, TN
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A Less Verbose Life: A Meditation On Liminality

This week I will be welcoming a new little nephew into my life.  We are on baby watch for my youngest brother’s first born.  The cycles of life never cease to fascinate me.

Liminality.   No matter where we are at in life one thing is constant and that is that we all are in liminal space.   We are always on a threshold of some kind of transition.

I look around me and at once feel an awe-inspiring joy at the marvel of new life and a haunting sadness at the ever deepening reality that this life is fleeting and I will soon enough return to dust.  All at once I feel this.

I find myself feeling so torn these days.  An obligation to optimism and a dark sense of comfort in knowing that at the end of my life all I ever was….was animated meat.  My spirit, my essence the soul of who I am gropes to find it’s most accurate and fulfilling means of expression in this skin I’m in.   I will never be fully understood nor accurately perceived.  And, neither will you.  We each come at life with fragmented perspective at best.   In spite of all the honing, discerning, street smarts and psychology of our day we aren’t omniscient.  That’s probably not surprising but it is disappointing.  This is where adventure comes in.  This is one of the few points of human development that sets us apart from the animal kingdom.

Adventure.  It is ontologically liminal.  Matrices of thresholds if you will.  All across the planet people are diving into one unknown from another.  Showing up in life, departing in death, savoring the gamut of emotion we each have in varying proportion with every step in between the two spaces (life and death).

We really do exist on a continuum.  Not one of us is static.  Yet in the frenzy of what we know as life we each walk around with an internal, old-school Polaroid.  Every person we encounter, whether familiar or unfamiliar, our brains get busy taking series of snapshots of them in order to put together as clear a picture as we can of that person.  And guess what?  The pictures we piece together are largely based on our subconscious and involuntary survival reflexes.  These reflexes, these subconscious instincts that operate just below the surface of our awareness drive us, filter for us, and dictate everything we do and think without us having to “think.”

Most of the information we take in from conversations with friends to what we see on the news is processed just below the surface of our awareness and then projected back into our reality in the form of opinions, values, and motivations.

This is why it has become so important to me to familiarize myself with quantum physics, metaphysics, and learning about human vibrations.

You see before there was words, before there was written language…there was symbols and vibration.  These things are part of our foundation as humans.  They are the most ancient and the original forms of communication.

I am a poet.  A true word nerd.  One of my favorite books of all time is….a thesaurus. But lately I find myself with a deep ache to forsake all forms of known language and connect with the world around me via vibration only.  I am a poet.  But this life has become so verbose.  And that’s exhausting.  The nature of language is such that it has an innate poverty.  That is an unchangeable fate for language I’m afraid.   And as someone word oriented that pains me, it frightens me but it also stirs a sense of adventure.  An eager curiosity to imagine what life would be like with no words. 

I think about lions.  I am endlessly fascinated with big cats.  I see them lying and conserving energy out on some arrid terrain while unfamiliar animals and other big cats move through their territory.   I see them yawn and stretch.  And that to me indicates relaxation.   But many animal experts say this is also a sign of defense and aggression.  A warning to other big cats that they’re not afraid to engage them if they feel threatened.   These cues are understood vibrationally.   Finely honed instincts that pick up on the subtlety of the surrounding frequencies.

I have talked before about my people pleasing tendencies.  I am realizing this was a pattern set in motion for me by multiple traumas throughout my life.  I grew up saturated in terror.  And it was such a normal part of my everyday life I learned how to structure my behavior in a way that would keep me as safe as possible from the chaos around me.

Those vibrations in my developmental years shaped the flow of my behavior in the same way water carves out canyons.  Sometimes violent bursts of water overtake natural boundaries and in a flash the course of a river is changed forever.   Other times it’s just the trickling persistence that causes a gentle erosion. 

And this is where I find myself.  With authenticity and vulnerability as my guiding principles and undercurrents of tumult that is always tumbling and shaping me.

I long for cohesion.  Like you I have many layers.  And nearly all of them (that I am conscious of) are non-congruent to each other.  I’m an enigma.  Humans will forever be mysterious.  Who you are can never be fully expressed or accurately perceived in just one lifetime.  The best psychoanalysts of our time will only ever get their toes wet when it comes to wading in the waters of you.

And so here we are.   In this liminal space.  This threshold.  The cusp of adventure.

I want to do my next adventures differently.   I want to come into them differently. And, I want to do that from a space of as few words as possible.

I want to jump because I’m ready to jump.  Not because of how jumping is explained to me or how I’ve talked myself into it.  I want to leap into my next season from a heart-centered, vibrationally sensitive space. 

I want to look back knowing I lived my life without feeling the need to explain it.

As I prepare to welcome this new life, this new little nephew I am older than when the first baby was born that made me an aunt.  In this season of my life this birth feels like a herald to me.  A beckoning to come meet the spirit of life at the table of a sovereignty that can never be articulated. Only observed.  Perceived.  Then tucked away as unspoken understanding.  An unspoken understanding that unfolds like the slow and unrelenting discovery of the macrocosm.

Less words from me.  That feels most fitting.  It feels most freeing.

Cheers to liminality.

Cozett

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