My Existential Musings
Vulnerability
You likely don’t have all the answers. But, never underestimate the power of holding space and just listening. Humans are inherently resilient, powerful and intuitive all on their own. When someone you love is struggling…just holding space and being intentional about making that space sacred and open for whatever comes up and out is often just enough to clear the blocks that have fallen onto their path.
You. You are inherently powerful. You are inherently intuitive. You are inherently resilient. And, together….there is nothing we can’t do.
You are meant for forward motion BUT not at the expense of stillness. I firmly believe one of the greatest lessons we have learned and are learning from the impact of a global pandemic is the value of stillness. The whole world literally had to stop so that we could all get on board at the same time to be faced with what can be found in the stillness.
For some of us that has meant confronting our shadow side. There is this unintentional discovery of the fact that for so long we have just been powering through our pain and toxic patterns. Stumbling and groping through a darkness that we can’t understand why it exists…what its purpose is….what lessons are we not getting from it and where did it come from is something we are collectively facing.
You are not in this alone. I’m going through it. My friends are going through it. Your family is going through it. Our neighbors and colleagues are going through it.
So what’s the good news in all of this? The good news is that this time of being forced to face the darkness….in the quiet of our minds is serving as a catalyst to get us all to a place that is much more….human friendly.
The old way of doing things….powering past the pain and sucking it up….is passing away…so that we are made new.
I believe we are all being made new in the light of an era that’s message is “it’s ok and healthy and encouraged to vocalize your pain and let others in on your acknowledgement of that pain and your desire to heal from it.”
In a world where capitalism and toxic masculinity has been the order of the day for thousands of years we are now facing a golden opportunity to learn the benefits of community, authenticity, vulnerability and tenderness.
I am ready for it! Are you?? Ready to heal. Ready to be vulnerable. Ready and willing to connect and lay down our armor and just….love!
It may look awkward. It may feel awkward. We’ve not been able to be like this for many lifetimes. So naturally as we become more intentional about connecting authentically and deeply there are going to be stumbling points and times where it feels unnatural or forced.
But my friends I am telling you…it is so worth it!
I encourage you today to dive into the awkwardness! Plant yourself right in the middle of awkwardness. I guarantee you there are people all around you just waiting to see you do this….so that they can too!
This, in my opinion is one of the highest forms of leadership. It is leading in a way that naturally inspires and organically creates space and connection that affect growth in the people that cross our path.
I wanna tell you that I love you. I love you so much. And I want you to love me too! Is that ok to say?? Yes. Yes it is.
And now here is a poem inspired by an amazing healing collaboration I just had with someone. Also, inspired by the storms rolling through.
I’m in pain. Can you see me?
Is it even ok to say I’m in pain?
Is it ok for me to ask you to be my guide?
Walking in the rain and feeling through the mist
The storm settling in as my woes I list
I didn’t know what would happen when I came to you.
I couldn’t have known you held my breakthrough.
It is amazing what happens when we pull together.
It’s as though we could make it through any kind of weather.
A new day has dawned and the skies are clearing.
Making the darkness conscious is abating all I was fearing.
I am a human…being.
No longer a human…fleeing.
Trapped in fight or flight
Not many could understand my plight.
Your humanity…has restored my sanity. And for that I am forever grateful 🙏🏻
Love,
Cozett
bettertogether
Joyful Abandon and the Face of Wisdom: The Tao Te Ching and Children Playing
I’m currently lying in the grass reading the Tao Te Ching and occasionally glancing at children play and it is giving me life. The subtle wisdom of the Tao Te Ching coupled with kids playing in the backdrop…the implications of this scenario isn’t lost on me. It’s so interesting watching them sled the hill. Some are natural daredevils and have no fear. They run and jump onto their cardboard get up speed then fall off and tumble the rest of the way down the hill. With all the bumps, mud, grass and scraped elbows they laugh with total abandon.
Others are afraid of gaining too much speed. They freeze up and the sled stops. Or, they won’t kick quite hard enough to build momentum. They look all around them estimating how close other kids are to make sure they don’t get collide. Often they will sit still on the sled for several minutes afraid to launch.
Some wanna be daredevils but are overthinking their short sled ride. They try out dozens of different angles and sections of the hill. They experiment with which end of their cardboard will glide best. They can’t seem to find just the perfect combination of slope, angle, and projected landing point. One will literally stop his ride to pick up the cardboards around him that other kids left behind. He didn’t focus on his sled ride but allowed it to be interrupted by what others left lying behind.
Can I just chime in here and show my solidarity with the overthinkers? I see you. The ride ahead looks amazing. But, it’s those “what ifs” that hold us back. In reality the ride is very short and in the long term it doesn’t really matter how you tackle the ride just that you DO tackle the ride! See where I’m going with this?
If I had a dollar for everytime I waged war with my what ifs, I would be a wealthy woman. I come from a family of engineers and it’s in my blood to engineer out every possible negative scenario before embarking on any adventure.
But, I can honestly say that because I know this about myself I always push ahead. I would rather do it and fail than deal with the longing unfulfilled due to fear.
So, while I am the overthinker of my peer group I still find myself with some jewels of stories that others could never imagine. I have adventure stories that I will take to my grave 😏. Where the unimaginable is…is where I long to be…and have been.
In short I wanna look back at my life as the kid who deep down was filled with fear but did it anyway.
Now. I gotta tell you the funny reactions from the adults/guardians of these kids. Tell me if you can find yourself in any of them??
Dad 1: (Flabbergasted) “you’re so dirty when we get home I’m just gonna beat you with a broom.”
Mom 1: (The tough parent) “oh c’mon now you said, “ouch” before you even hit the ground.
Mom 2: (I give up mode) “when we get home just stand in the driveway and we will hose you off”
Which kid are you? Which guardian are you?
In whichever ones you find yourself I hope that you find your awe in the sense of adventure and the loving willingness that says, “yeah you got really dirty. But I’d clean you up a thousand times if it means you get to experience joyful abandon.”
I AM Coming As You Can See
Interesting perspective wouldn’t you say? It never fails. It never fails that when I lie on the ground and all my weight is born upon the coolness of the earth that my perspective and understanding about life is tweaked. This is why as often as possible I try to do a lot of photography from the ground looking up/out.
As I lay on the earth and journal…and create my 2021 there are lots of families with little ones running around. I am this seemingly removed space of quietness existing within the bustling activity and energy of children. Creative energy abounds.
Above me there is a concrete path. On this path were some parents with 3 kids probably ages 11, 8 and 4 if I had to guess. The older kids kept pace with their parents as they made their way to their car. The youngest lagged behind.
Her movement forward didn’t look like her family’s movement forward. But she was making progress nonetheless.
Her path forward was filled with tip toeing, skipping, jumping, stopping to see what was in the cracks of the pavement and lots of laughter…..for seemingly no reason.
Her mom stopped, turned back and said to her, “Come on.” Her 4 years old reply: “I am coming as you can see.” 😆 And she continued forward happily in her same playful and inquisitive manner.
I thought, “well. She isn’t wrong! She is coming. It’s just her movement forward didn’t look the same as the rest of her family.” She was progressing in her OWN unique way.
I want to encourage you today. Your progress forward doesn’t have to look like your family’s way forward. It doesn’t have to look like your religion’s way forward. It doesn’t have to look the same as your social circle’s way forward.
And her parents could see that she was coming. She was absolutely right. I found it intriguing that she at 4’ish years of age….spoke her truth but that truth wasn’t plain to see by those with brains more developed.
This is a lesson for life. Often the truth is obscure. And sometimes you may be one of the few who sees it. That doesn’t mean you are better or more of a sage. It means you have an opportunity to enjoy life in ways that others can’t. And for that you should be deeply grateful.
This is why it is imperative to be your most authentic self. Had she moved forward the way her parents and siblings did she would have missed the treasures and curiosities in the cracks of the pavement. They weren’t laughing or enjoying their journey it seemed. But she was all giggles for no good reason.
This year I am resolved to move forward on MY unique path. And I am resolved to be okay with it when others say my way forward isn’t the right way. What do they know?? They don’t see between the cracks. They aren’t enjoying their journey. They don’t seem to be fascinated or captivated or intrigued by all the energies and potentials around them. In fact I think many have lost their capacity for magic.
So this year if you find yourself looking at my posts saying, “Come on 🙄. My reply to you is, “I AM coming as you can see.” It just likely won’t look the same way as you are moving forward. And that is….ok 🙌🏻
Here’s to #2021 #cozettcontemplates forward movement
We Are All A Walking Eclipse
You…yes you. And I. As long as we are in this body we will be both darkness and light. The intensity of the darkness and light will fluctuate in intensity as we journey. That is because none of us are static. We are not fixed beings.
I don’t care how much work Jesus does in you. I don’t care how much inner work you do. How much space you hold. How many vices you conquer. You will NOT take your last breath in a state of 100% virtue.
Since that’s the case…why are we so freaking uncomfortable when we see both darkness and light in another person?
I am convinced if we are ever going to attain the pinnacle of what is possible for existence in a flesh suit…then we have to embrace non-dualism and surrender any inclinations we may have in whipping morality or high ideals into the people around us.
Morality, love, virtue…these are things that laws cannot create.
Why do I want to be a good person? It’s not because of my fear of being locked up or penalized if I don’t meet someone else’s expectations and measure up to their ideals.
It’s because I am inspired by the behavior of other good people. Not because there is a cop, a preacher, a sheikh, a Buddha or some other moral “authority” looming large over me.
When I see good and it’s impact…it’s the example not the threat that provokes me to aspire to do and be better.
I promise you this. Your light makes people jealous. Your darkness makes people want to capitalize on your weakness so that they appear more blameless.
Either way you go….you are going to make someone uncomfortable. You are going to make someone mad. You are going to encounter jealousy.
And, when you are comfortable letting other people see….really really see your nature that is both dark and light it will either push them out of your life because they haven’t grown to a point they are able to accommodate the grandness and the mystery that is you OR it will draw them into a place where they can FINALLY love and accept themselves and get unstuck in life.
The greatest gift we can give someone else is love. And, love is so much more expansive than we give it credit for.
I heard a quote recently from Hamlet. “There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy.”
None of us have a monopoly on the understanding of the profundity and full implication of love.
Love is an ever unfolding multiverse in and of itself. The bounds of it can’t be found. So why do we want to bind people to what we should acknowledge is a limited and flawed philosophy of love?
I am pro human. I love and embrace your humanity. It is no threat to me. I celebrate the nuanced picture I am able to see of you. We all have non-congruent qualities. For many people….recognizing non-congruent qualities in another person often is taken as a red flag. But, the majority of the time there is no reason for that. It is a survival instinct. It is a base instinct.
All my life I have felt like someone on the outside of life looking in at everyone else. I have tons of non-congruent qualities. Sometimes that bothers me (particularly if I’ve spent any time around people who are naturally critical and easily offended.) Other times these qualities are a comfort for me, things that amuse me about myself that puts a sparkle in my eyes because I find myself so funny for holding so much darkness and light at the same time.
I am so tired of living life on the auto pilot that is political correctness. I am over living my life in fawn mode with a false sense of guilt over religious expectations. I will never be completely virtuous. And, you won’t either.
I will continue to live my life inspired and called by goodness rather than in mindless reaction to fear of chastisement. There is no fear in love right?
My greatest desire in life is to empower and encourage people to be who they are authentically without fear of some sort of being exiled for being who they are. Got darkness? Great!! Me too!! Got light?? Awesome!! Shine with me?? Let’s prove to the world that we are inherently both and that IS inherently ok.
“Hate to be so emotional
I didn’t mean to get physical
But when he pulled in and revved it up
I said you call that a pickup truck
And in the moonlight I throwed him down
A kicking, screaming, a rolling around
A little piece of a bloody tooth
Just so you know I was thinking of you
Just so you know I was oh….” Kings of Leon- Pickup Truck.
My new way of processing the hardships of life is stealing away in these hard to find moments to just sit in the pouring rain. Life has been so much I feel myself losing all ability to be apologetic. I am just so done with the prevailing criticism and unforgiving and merciless culture that our country has found itself in.
In my life love, mercy, compassion, accommodation, and hospitality rule. I have zero desire to analyze my fellow humans for the sake of pointing out perceived character flaws. I have zero desire to sensitize myself to potential offense.
Humanity is swampy. We are like one giant mosh pit of beliefs, traditions, cultures, philosophies, etc. It is inevitable we are going to crash into each other in this grand concert of life. It is inevitable someone is gonna sweat on us. Someone is gonna trip us, fall into us, push us. And if you can’t handle that and you’re so touchy then maybe the human experience isn’t for you.
And just like in the thrill of crowdsurfing at a concert someone is…..going to drop you. And if that is too much for you to handle then don’t bother going for the adventure to begin with.
I remember a concert back in my late teens. It was a grunge band. In this massive arena I was able to secure a spot on the floor and center stage of one of my favorite bands. There were people smoking, and screaming and moshing and just fully living the experience. I decided to jump into a mosh pit and found myself lifted up and crowdsurfing. It all happened so fast (life happens so fast.) It was such a rush!! I don’t even know how long I was above the crowd. It was so much fun and so wild and seemingly outta control. And I loved it. The people who were bearing me up in their hands were cheering and sweating and I felt so alive. But, it hurt. Their hands dug into my spine, bruised my back and my legs, cut my arm and I lost one of my shoes and then as quickly as I had been hoisted into the air as my favorite band roared about their own existential crisis (typical of grunge bands. If you know you know.) I was dropped.
I fell all my weight onto one of my knees and then some dude got pushed and he fell over me and stepped on my fingers.
And you know what??? I wouldn’t effin change that experience. Ever.
Are you kidding me?? A teenager. Front row, center stage. No. I am not going to complain. I am going to live.
There is a price to pay if you want to fully live.
There is a price to pay if you dare live out who you really are on the inside.
In life…you have front row, center stage with all the glory and frailty of humanity swirling around you.
Are you going to hone in on every person who accidentally crashes into your ego?? Because if you find yourself offended at someone else’s shortcomings and they’re not “measuring up” to your “reasonable” standards then that’s where you are. You’re in your ego. You’re in yourself. You’re foolishly squandering your front row, center stage.
And when you look back you’re not gonna remember the concert. No. You’re gonna remember, “well this person didn’t do this or that person didn’t do that or this person just isn’t a person of character. “
And all the while you’ve lost the big picture.
You surmise that the totality of a person’s nature can only be seen and measured by the moments they dropped you. By the moments they crashed into you.
Forsaking the understanding that we are all human and we are all doing the best we can with the time we have.
STOP living in perpetual offense! You have front row, center stage. The grunge band is roaring. You will never have this moment again. Can you hear my pleading??
Does anyone hear what I’m trying to say?? Am I alone in this??
A Less Verbose Life: A Meditation On Liminality
This week I will be welcoming a new little nephew into my life. We are on baby watch for my youngest brother’s first born. The cycles of life never cease to fascinate me.
Liminality. No matter where we are at in life one thing is constant and that is that we all are in liminal space. We are always on a threshold of some kind of transition.
I look around me and at once feel an awe-inspiring joy at the marvel of new life and a haunting sadness at the ever deepening reality that this life is fleeting and I will soon enough return to dust. All at once I feel this.
I find myself feeling so torn these days. An obligation to optimism and a dark sense of comfort in knowing that at the end of my life all I ever was….was animated meat. My spirit, my essence the soul of who I am gropes to find it’s most accurate and fulfilling means of expression in this skin I’m in. I will never be fully understood nor accurately perceived. And, neither will you. We each come at life with fragmented perspective at best. In spite of all the honing, discerning, street smarts and psychology of our day we aren’t omniscient. That’s probably not surprising but it is disappointing. This is where adventure comes in. This is one of the few points of human development that sets us apart from the animal kingdom.
Adventure. It is ontologically liminal. Matrices of thresholds if you will. All across the planet people are diving into one unknown from another. Showing up in life, departing in death, savoring the gamut of emotion we each have in varying proportion with every step in between the two spaces (life and death).
We really do exist on a continuum. Not one of us is static. Yet in the frenzy of what we know as life we each walk around with an internal, old-school Polaroid. Every person we encounter, whether familiar or unfamiliar, our brains get busy taking series of snapshots of them in order to put together as clear a picture as we can of that person. And guess what? The pictures we piece together are largely based on our subconscious and involuntary survival reflexes. These reflexes, these subconscious instincts that operate just below the surface of our awareness drive us, filter for us, and dictate everything we do and think without us having to “think.”
Most of the information we take in from conversations with friends to what we see on the news is processed just below the surface of our awareness and then projected back into our reality in the form of opinions, values, and motivations.
This is why it has become so important to me to familiarize myself with quantum physics, metaphysics, and learning about human vibrations.
You see before there was words, before there was written language…there was symbols and vibration. These things are part of our foundation as humans. They are the most ancient and the original forms of communication.
I am a poet. A true word nerd. One of my favorite books of all time is….a thesaurus. But lately I find myself with a deep ache to forsake all forms of known language and connect with the world around me via vibration only. I am a poet. But this life has become so verbose. And that’s exhausting. The nature of language is such that it has an innate poverty. That is an unchangeable fate for language I’m afraid. And as someone word oriented that pains me, it frightens me but it also stirs a sense of adventure. An eager curiosity to imagine what life would be like with no words.
I think about lions. I am endlessly fascinated with big cats. I see them lying and conserving energy out on some arrid terrain while unfamiliar animals and other big cats move through their territory. I see them yawn and stretch. And that to me indicates relaxation. But many animal experts say this is also a sign of defense and aggression. A warning to other big cats that they’re not afraid to engage them if they feel threatened. These cues are understood vibrationally. Finely honed instincts that pick up on the subtlety of the surrounding frequencies.
I have talked before about my people pleasing tendencies. I am realizing this was a pattern set in motion for me by multiple traumas throughout my life. I grew up saturated in terror. And it was such a normal part of my everyday life I learned how to structure my behavior in a way that would keep me as safe as possible from the chaos around me.
Those vibrations in my developmental years shaped the flow of my behavior in the same way water carves out canyons. Sometimes violent bursts of water overtake natural boundaries and in a flash the course of a river is changed forever. Other times it’s just the trickling persistence that causes a gentle erosion.
And this is where I find myself. With authenticity and vulnerability as my guiding principles and undercurrents of tumult that is always tumbling and shaping me.
I long for cohesion. Like you I have many layers. And nearly all of them (that I am conscious of) are non-congruent to each other. I’m an enigma. Humans will forever be mysterious. Who you are can never be fully expressed or accurately perceived in just one lifetime. The best psychoanalysts of our time will only ever get their toes wet when it comes to wading in the waters of you.
And so here we are. In this liminal space. This threshold. The cusp of adventure.
I want to do my next adventures differently. I want to come into them differently. And, I want to do that from a space of as few words as possible.
I want to jump because I’m ready to jump. Not because of how jumping is explained to me or how I’ve talked myself into it. I want to leap into my next season from a heart-centered, vibrationally sensitive space.
I want to look back knowing I lived my life without feeling the need to explain it.
As I prepare to welcome this new life, this new little nephew I am older than when the first baby was born that made me an aunt. In this season of my life this birth feels like a herald to me. A beckoning to come meet the spirit of life at the table of a sovereignty that can never be articulated. Only observed. Perceived. Then tucked away as unspoken understanding. An unspoken understanding that unfolds like the slow and unrelenting discovery of the macrocosm.
Less words from me. That feels most fitting. It feels most freeing.
Cheers to liminality.
Cozett
What Are The Mechanics Of Receiving?
Thinking today about all the good things I deserve. Life, love, respect, fun, rest, good sleep, etc.
When I think about the good things it occurs to me that in order to have them I need to “come” to receive them.
Here’s what I mean. Say you get a notice that you have a package at the post office waiting on you. And, you know it’s something you’ve been wanting for a long time. You have the emotion or feeling of being excited.
But. It’s not going to be brought to you. It’s going to require work and cost to get it. 1. You have to leave your house. 2. You have to drive. 3. You use gas to get there and back. 4. You spend time in the getting. 5. And, if you’re a southern introvert like me you have to endure random interactions with strangers while smiling as they hand you the package when you arrive at the desk, possibly after standing in line.
For some reason I have a disconnect when it comes to receiving. I am willing to show up and do the work. But, after that it’s like I’m standing at the postal desk smiling back and forth with a stranger and the reception never happens.
I don’t know “how” to receive. Like, what are the mechanics of receiving? Maybe I’m guarded? Maybe it’s the self-hatred I’ve unearthed and am still working through? Maybe its skepticism about what’s really in store for me?
All I know is that I feel called to, “come and receive.” And, try as I may I never get beyond the part where I show up.
Anyone else relate to this?
How do you receive all the good things you need and deserve? The good things being offered to you.
There is a verse from Matthew’s gospel that has tugged at me for some years now. And, I can’t help but feel such resistance and ignorance when I meditate on it.
Jesus Christ quoted as saying:
“Come to Me all you who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest.”
To further expand on the original Greek tenses and richness of context and spirit for the verse The Message reads it like this: “Come to Me. Get away with Me. You’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with Me and work with Me- watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything ill-fitting on you. Keep company with Me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.”
(Matthew 11:28-30).
What are the mechanics of receiving?
I understand allowing is part of this puzzle. I understand that perhaps open arms, or up turned hands are part of it. But, I feel there is some sort of inner disposition and maybe spiritual quality involved that I either don’t have or just need to develop in order to receive good things.
What are some of the best things you’ve ever received?
How did they come to you or how did you come to them?
Were you able to receive quickly and readily?
What advice would you give to help someone you care about understand how to receive?
Healing The Past
On the path of self-actualization we understand that we are striving to be better. In that pursuit of betterment its common to reference the past. After all, this is from where we grow. Our past, good or bad or indifferent serves as a springboard or a contrast. It can show us who we no longer want to be and the emotional charge we have when we think about it can create the momentum needed to make progress toward actualizing.
As someone who is known as a listener I can think of basically three narratives I’ve heard concerning people’s past and how it shapes what they want for their future. The classic “bad” past, where pain functions as the prompt to betterment. We see this in a lot of famous motivational and inspirational speakers. The “good” past, where someone was fortunate enough to be born into a family or tradition that was conducive for growth and that person is so inspired by their forebears they want to build on the legacy they’ve been left. And, the “indifferent” past. Basically, its colorless. Normal ups and downs. But, the person feels that due to the lack of intensity in either direction they are somehow at a disadvantage to leave their mark on the world. And, so they are in a search for passion, purpose and meaning.
Recently, I’m thankful to have been experiencing profound growth. My character has been tested. My understanding of the world around me has grown. My emotions have been pummeled. The very foundations of “why” I think the way I do are being shaken. I’m growing. I’m moving toward betterment and away from deleterious thinking and behavior. And, now that I’m beginning to see a definite chasm between who I once was and who I’d like to think I am becoming I’ve noticed that my past is coming up seemingly out of the blue. Its as though its emerging from the recesses of me and saying, “remember me. I need help too. Please don’t forget I am part of your healing journey. I, your past, am not some character that deserves to be quarantined. I was once you. And, because of that I also deserve all the health that you are creating for the new you.”
Deep right? Painful? Wow. So much. Thankfully, about the time my past started stirring in my consciousness so did this theme of “compassion as medicine.” When I saw these two things emerging together I knew it was time to examine some of my behaviors and thinking from the past but not for the purpose of crucifying myself in some grand effort to be a better person. I intuitively understood that for me to forge ahead into this bright future I’m hoping for myself that I needed to, for the first time, show compassion and minister mercy to who I once was.
In thinking about healing from the past I discovered that I was presenting myself with only two options: “killing” the old me or coping better. Maybe you can identify with this? There are more options. Better options. I think its safe to say that many people who feel bound by the past often want that part of them or that part of their history to “die.” But, that isn’t a great option. Death is indicative of numbness and unfeeling. A sense of non-existence. But, I submit that feeling…deeply and intentionally and comprehensively could be a portal of sorts to freedom and growth. I want to challenge anyone who reads this…not to numb out. Your emotions are sacred. Your intuition is more trustworthy than you give it credit for and I believe it is in the feeling “through” that our true north can be found. Now, with that said don’t beat yourself for wanting to numb out!
I believe that in an effort to mute pain and to lend strength to the momentum of who we are becoming our wounded egos can sometimes cause us to segue to an unproductive mindset that says, “the new me, the stronger and better me must rush in and bitterly scourge my past self if the better me I’m becoming is to be valid.” This is actually quite common amongst deeply religious people. Those who feel they are on the highest quest to express their need for redemption are often the worst in their tendency to mutilate their inner being. When really their greatest need is healing. In my own experience I’ve discovered that this rush to scourge and chastise the past part of me was/is an effort to create peace and closure. Sounds counter-productive because it is! Once I recognized this I gave myself permission to not only feel through my past (notice I didn’t say “think through”) but to honor who I was at one time. This is very healing. Highly recommend it. At the end of the day we each make decisions based on our current state of enlightenment, education, emotional maturity, needs, and circumstances. And, I happen to naturally believe the best about people so I believe that we are all doing the best we can with what we have. Negative emotions of depression, anxiety, or regret do NOT carry the innate ability to compensate for a painful past. They only create a vicious cycle of self-defeating and self-sabotaging patterns.
If we want to honestly prime ourselves and position ourselves to be better its time to release the habit of going to dark places when striving for the light. Read that again, please? Its time to relearn how to do this thing called life. If you are a self-aware person you’ll know your patterns. And, I want to encourage you to start intentionally swapping negative mindsets and emotions for more life-giving ones. Give yourself time to feel through the past and the permission to honor who you once were. Just as you would honor the dearly departed and imperfect people who have been a part of your life you should also do this for yourself. It is a healing balm. And, as of now, what I believe the higher way to heal the past.
Here’s to the medicine of compassion. Salut.
The Catalyst 
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