Cozett Contemplates: Your Write To Heal…

Cozett Contemplates writing to heal trauma…

For trauma survivors it’s hard to feel like you can ever again be fully safe. High-alert is a constant state of being. And, appearing relaxed and “normal” becomes a survival skill.

This has been one of my most honed life skills. I learned early on that to show disquiet…distress…or to speak out…would rock the boat. The fact is, is that when people become uncomfortable…things slow down as they try figure out:

1. What’s wrong with the person who’s upset?
2. How do I feel about what I’m hearing and seeing from this traumatized person?
3. Do I believe what I’m being told by this person?
4. How can I help in ways that won’t disrupt my own life?
5. Should I reach out to others to aid me if I help this person?
6. Are there problems too much for me and should I just keep moving and trust someone else will help?

These are just a few of the processes people sort through when thinking about how to help the traumatized.

As you can see not only are trauma survivors sorting through a lot of emotions and questions but so are those with whom we open to.

Because of all those processes and the time and energy it takes I decided as a child that I wouldn’t seek help. I couldn’t waste energy getting rejected over and over by people who didn’t have the capacity to hold space for me. I needed that energy to keep moving. Because life doesn’t stop. Even for the wounded.

As I’ve sojourned into middle-age and resolved to become more authentic, unapologetic, shameless, proactive, and courageous….I face the challenge that vulnerability brings.

Vulnerability, even for non-traumatized individuals is hard. But, as someone who has known what it is to be stripped bare of any ability to trust and feel safe it is especially…hard. I know I’m not alone with this?

This is the original reason I began to write to begin with. It was never because I thought I was good at it, or because it was a hobby for my free time. It was never because I had writing peers or was part of a book club or even a poetry lover! If you know my poetic soul that may seem surprising. 😆

I began to write because there weren’t enough tears. I couldn’t cry enough to even come close to releasing and processing all I’d been through and was going through.

I had so much pent up pain and agony that I needed the entirety of my being to release and cry as much as I did it just wasn’t cleansing me.

So I took to my keyboard. While hot tears streaked my face the fire of my words set ablaze my laptop and phone screens.

I held nothing back. There was no person who could hold space for me….so I created my own space. Private. Free from scrutiny. And it was as wide and as long and as endless as my pain.

My writing space could hold everything. And therefore it could hold me.

I want to encourage you today, if you’re a trauma survivor to know that even when humans can’t hold space for you…that there is a wide open and endless space available to you that can be curated by and for you.

Maybe you’re not looking to publish but you would like to heal? And you’d like to not do that alone?

I’m offering spaces for you. If you’d like to write to heal…alongside me….I’d be honored to hold, share and lead that space.

Reach out to me if this sounds like something your soul is calling for and together we will create the space for you to be held, seen, understood.

I love you. I really do.

Cozett Dunn

#cozettcontemplates #traumasurvivor #writingtherapy #lifecoach #author #healer #traumahealing #traumarecovery #traumainformed #mentalhealthmatters

May 28, 2023 0

The Energy Of Obligation: First Vacation In 11 years

I just got home from Perdido Key, FL in the US. It was only 4 nights but it’s the first real vacation I’ve had since 2012.

I am…home. But. I experience myself as a citizen of Earth. So, I am here….but will always be….there….and there…and over there as well….

Being in my apartment in Hixson…isn’t my dwelling time. It is a pause to rest then plot my next course. Which could be Thailand, India, Europe, Florida…who knows. All I know….is my soul is nomadic.

My sweet little mamaw told me the other day, “I’m so surprised. Shocked really. You never grew up traveling. We never did any traveling. It seems odd. But, I’m happy for you. I just want you to be safe. You’re braver than I am. Just be careful.”

There are few things in my life that…facilitate….me being able to fully feel any experience other than suffering.

One of those things is travel. It’s the only time I am fully happy. And, because this trip was the first vacation I’ve had since 2012 that I haven’t had to work and respond to calls, emails, texts, and more, I was able to finally release my phone without giving into fear of “letting someone down because I’m not immediately available to them.”

I’ve lived an on-call lifestyle 7 days per week since 2012. Sit with that. It’s emotionally devastating.

The energy of obligation even if you’re not fielding a bunch of calls….still depletes your energy stores, your joy isn’t full, your happiness is laced with dread, and some of my trips were absolutely ruined by customers or clients who chewed me out during vacation.

Sit with that. That’s freakin hard. A single woman who doesn’t have a college education. Who has multiple health issues that won’t allow for a 40 hour per week clock job without getting fired due to chronic conditions. Yet, not sick enough to qualify for any assistance.

The entirety of my life before 44 years old has been quite unkind.

I deserve the next 44 (plus) to make up for every tear I’ve cried, for every panic attack I’ve spiraled out of control, for every ER visit, for every expensive therapy session (that I really couldn’t afford).

I deserve the rest of my time here to make up for every man who has cheated on me, lied to me, compared me to other women, talked down to me, bet against me, body shamed me, mentally and verbally abused me, and abandoned me.

We are more than a social media feed. There are definitive reasons behind the decisions people like me make that do not make sense to, or offend others.

And, for those shortsighted or selfish enough to not think through the possible reasons I am (or you are) not meeting their needs…then maybe they deserve the discomfort of the decision I (or you) made. Maybe my lack of presence (or yours) will be the catalyst they need….to awaken. To understand that just because they are a: client, customer, family member, friend, etc. That their role in your life, whether it be personal or professionally based….does not preclude you from being autonomous….WITHOUT REPERCUSSION.

Because, let’s face it. When someone “punishes” you or myself by taking away their business, or freezing you out of the family or a friendship….that is in a nutshell….manipulation. An intentional willingness that gets off on causing those with less leverage in this life….to suffer.

More on this some other time. But, I’ve said all of that to say this…personal power is a right. And just because you enjoying your autonomy makes someone uncomfortable or feel some kind of way…is no sign that you have to betray yourself in an effort to keep them approving of you.

So much more is coming. Stay tuned.

Cozett Contemplates

#cozettcontemplates #thecatalystpodcast #autonomy #personalpower #relationshiprevolution #travel #travelblogger #traveltheroad #thejourney #lifepath #perdidokey #perdidokeyflorida #pensacola #sunset

March 27, 2023 0

Cozett Contemplates: Divergence

My journey is sacred. My path is unique.

Cozett Contemplates divergence…

At the end of 2022 I made a conscious decision. An agreement with the future Cozett. The woman I wish to reflect on from my death bed.

I decided that I would no longer make any decisions based on haste. I would make no decisions that would lead me away from my own happiness. Not even for a day. I’ve spent too many days (nearly 44 years worth of days) basing all I do on pouring my life’s essence into the happiness of others so that I wouldn’t incur any discomfort….from them being uncomfortable. There is no life in that. It’s been a journey of fleeing. Running from one person to the next trying to put smiles on faces, make people feel supported, and most of all…getting their approval. Because their approval would mean my survival.

At nearly 44 years of age, the wisdom of middle-age has finally graced my understanding. And, she has shown me that to live this way, is to live in a constant state of emotional travesty. My whole life, up until this point, has been like a coup. A coup staged by my shadow self. My shadow, comprised of fear, alienation, feelings of abandonment and rejection, and pessimism. I was overthrowing my own power because I felt that my power….was weak. Weak in comparison to everyone around me. So weak that I felt it necessary to replace my personal power in hopes of receiving the security of power outside myself. Security, protection, provision. All done through the avenue of people pleasing. I got so bad with it that I was people-pleasing dangerous and ill-intentioned people. My conscience would scream, “you know they are bad news!! No inspiration or motivation or money or love you can give them will help them and they will in turn HARM YOU, COZETT!!” But…I did it anyway. I did it because I had zero belief in myself and that I could ever offer anything of worth to the world that would both ensure my security and affect meaningful change for humanity.

Even as I type this, the articulation of it all, is blowing my mind. Honestly, it takes a heck of a lot of self-awareness to assess oneself so objectively. And, it also takes a lot of willingness to demonstrate the courage to know oneself this deeply. The deep is a scary place. There’s not much light. You have to deal with a lot of shadows which means you have to fine tune your soul to sift through illusion and not spook so easily when it comes to pulling back the curtains of your own psyche to see what’s there.

I no longer see my life as a journey that “happens TO me” but rather I’ve positioned myself, through shadow work so that I can channel my energy in a way where MY life….”happens THROUGH me.”

There are no detours in the Divine. The divine you. When life happens “to” you, your whole path can be nothing but a detour. You can never follow out what your heart desires because you are too busy fulfilling the desires of others so you have to make U-turns, take toll roads, and bloody your feet by paths filled with briars, and crag. Ultimately, when you live for others, you are intentionally choosing and agreeing to take the long way to arrive at your own destiny. You’re telling your soul that it doesn’t carry the value or worth of taking the straight path, the destined path, the one that actually calls to you.

I can’t believe I have waited this long. Yet, I don’t feel bogged down with regret. I know that I couldn’t have seen then what I now see. I wasn’t capable. The emotional travesty that I intentionally chose had me blinded. And, I also think that to some degree I considered myself young enough to keep putting off my heart’s desires because I had, “time.” This is one of the great gifts of mid-life. The wake-up call. A conscious recognition that in spite of how well you take care of your body and mind…this will all come to an end. I want my end to be in health, in love, in passion, in the sobriety that is informed from severe suffering. A woman wide awake. A woman who maintained the magic of being a little girl in spite of her crucible. Sagic wisdom now finds its expression in me physically. In action. In my decisions. In my voice. In the crow’s feet forming around my eyes and in the small furrow of my brow. Plowed by intense, prolonged consternation and contemplation on why I am the way I am, and why the world around me is the way it is.

My prayer for everyone who reads this, is that you will learn from my lessons. If you are younger than me…please don’t put off following your happiness and being true to yourself. Be authentically you regardless of any perceived consequences of that. If you are my age or older…I give you the same advice. It is true that maturity and wisdom are not necessarily correlated with age.

Your journey…is sacred. And, your path is unique. Don’t you long for people to experience you as you really are? I encourage you to diverge. I encourage you to emerge. Diverge from the paths that people have forced you onto. And, you will emerge….as who you really are.

#cozettcontemplates #Divergence #newyear2023 #TimeToRise #Authenticity #shadowwork #middleagedwoman #wisdomoftheday #inspiration #motivation #motivationmonday

January 2, 2023 0