This week I will be welcoming a new little nephew into my life.  We are on baby watch for my youngest brother’s first born.  The cycles of life never cease to fascinate me.

Liminality.   No matter where we are at in life one thing is constant and that is that we all are in liminal space.   We are always on a threshold of some kind of transition.

I look around me and at once feel an awe-inspiring joy at the marvel of new life and a haunting sadness at the ever deepening reality that this life is fleeting and I will soon enough return to dust.  All at once I feel this.

I find myself feeling so torn these days.  An obligation to optimism and a dark sense of comfort in knowing that at the end of my life all I ever was….was animated meat.  My spirit, my essence the soul of who I am gropes to find it’s most accurate and fulfilling means of expression in this skin I’m in.   I will never be fully understood nor accurately perceived.  And, neither will you.  We each come at life with fragmented perspective at best.   In spite of all the honing, discerning, street smarts and psychology of our day we aren’t omniscient.  That’s probably not surprising but it is disappointing.  This is where adventure comes in.  This is one of the few points of human development that sets us apart from the animal kingdom.

Adventure.  It is ontologically liminal.  Matrices of thresholds if you will.  All across the planet people are diving into one unknown from another.  Showing up in life, departing in death, savoring the gamut of emotion we each have in varying proportion with every step in between the two spaces (life and death).

We really do exist on a continuum.  Not one of us is static.  Yet in the frenzy of what we know as life we each walk around with an internal, old-school Polaroid.  Every person we encounter, whether familiar or unfamiliar, our brains get busy taking series of snapshots of them in order to put together as clear a picture as we can of that person.  And guess what?  The pictures we piece together are largely based on our subconscious and involuntary survival reflexes.  These reflexes, these subconscious instincts that operate just below the surface of our awareness drive us, filter for us, and dictate everything we do and think without us having to “think.”

Most of the information we take in from conversations with friends to what we see on the news is processed just below the surface of our awareness and then projected back into our reality in the form of opinions, values, and motivations.

This is why it has become so important to me to familiarize myself with quantum physics, metaphysics, and learning about human vibrations.

You see before there was words, before there was written language…there was symbols and vibration.  These things are part of our foundation as humans.  They are the most ancient and the original forms of communication.

I am a poet.  A true word nerd.  One of my favorite books of all time is….a thesaurus. But lately I find myself with a deep ache to forsake all forms of known language and connect with the world around me via vibration only.  I am a poet.  But this life has become so verbose.  And that’s exhausting.  The nature of language is such that it has an innate poverty.  That is an unchangeable fate for language I’m afraid.   And as someone word oriented that pains me, it frightens me but it also stirs a sense of adventure.  An eager curiosity to imagine what life would be like with no words. 

I think about lions.  I am endlessly fascinated with big cats.  I see them lying and conserving energy out on some arrid terrain while unfamiliar animals and other big cats move through their territory.   I see them yawn and stretch.  And that to me indicates relaxation.   But many animal experts say this is also a sign of defense and aggression.  A warning to other big cats that they’re not afraid to engage them if they feel threatened.   These cues are understood vibrationally.   Finely honed instincts that pick up on the subtlety of the surrounding frequencies.

I have talked before about my people pleasing tendencies.  I am realizing this was a pattern set in motion for me by multiple traumas throughout my life.  I grew up saturated in terror.  And it was such a normal part of my everyday life I learned how to structure my behavior in a way that would keep me as safe as possible from the chaos around me.

Those vibrations in my developmental years shaped the flow of my behavior in the same way water carves out canyons.  Sometimes violent bursts of water overtake natural boundaries and in a flash the course of a river is changed forever.   Other times it’s just the trickling persistence that causes a gentle erosion. 

And this is where I find myself.  With authenticity and vulnerability as my guiding principles and undercurrents of tumult that is always tumbling and shaping me.

I long for cohesion.  Like you I have many layers.  And nearly all of them (that I am conscious of) are non-congruent to each other.  I’m an enigma.  Humans will forever be mysterious.  Who you are can never be fully expressed or accurately perceived in just one lifetime.  The best psychoanalysts of our time will only ever get their toes wet when it comes to wading in the waters of you.

And so here we are.   In this liminal space.  This threshold.  The cusp of adventure.

I want to do my next adventures differently.   I want to come into them differently. And, I want to do that from a space of as few words as possible.

I want to jump because I’m ready to jump.  Not because of how jumping is explained to me or how I’ve talked myself into it.  I want to leap into my next season from a heart-centered, vibrationally sensitive space. 

I want to look back knowing I lived my life without feeling the need to explain it.

As I prepare to welcome this new life, this new little nephew I am older than when the first baby was born that made me an aunt.  In this season of my life this birth feels like a herald to me.  A beckoning to come meet the spirit of life at the table of a sovereignty that can never be articulated. Only observed.  Perceived.  Then tucked away as unspoken understanding.  An unspoken understanding that unfolds like the slow and unrelenting discovery of the macrocosm.

Less words from me.  That feels most fitting.  It feels most freeing.

Cheers to liminality.

Cozett