A Less Verbose Life: A Meditation On Liminality

This week I will be welcoming a new little nephew into my life. We are on baby watch for my youngest brother’s first born. The cycles of life never cease to fascinate me.

Liminality. No matter where we are at in life one thing is constant and that is that we all are in liminal space. We are always on a threshold of some kind of transition.

I look around me and at once feel an awe-inspiring joy at the marvel of new life and a haunting sadness at the ever deepening reality that this life is fleeting and I will soon enough return to dust. All at once I feel this.

I find myself feeling so torn these days. An obligation to optimism and a dark sense of comfort in knowing that at the end of my life all I ever was….was animated meat. My spirit, my essence the soul of who I am gropes to find it’s most accurate and fulfilling means of expression in this skin I’m in. I will never be fully understood nor accurately perceived. And, neither will you. We each come at life with fragmented perspective at best. In spite of all the honing, discerning, street smarts and psychology of our day we aren’t omniscient. That’s probably not surprising but it is disappointing. This is where adventure comes in. This is one of the few points of human development that sets us apart from the animal kingdom.

Adventure. It is ontologically liminal. Matrices of thresholds if you will. All across the planet people are diving into one unknown from another. Showing up in life, departing in death, savoring the gamut of emotion we each have in varying proportion with every step in between the two spaces (life and death).

We really do exist on a continuum. Not one of us is static. Yet in the frenzy of what we know as life we each walk around with an internal, old-school Polaroid. Every person we encounter, whether familiar or unfamiliar, our brains get busy taking series of snapshots of them in order to put together as clear a picture as we can of that person. And guess what? The pictures we piece together are largely based on our subconscious and involuntary survival reflexes. These reflexes, these subconscious instincts that operate just below the surface of our awareness drive us, filter for us, and dictate everything we do and think without us having to “think.”

Most of the information we take in from conversations with friends to what we see on the news is processed just below the surface of our awareness and then projected back into our reality in the form of opinions, values, and motivations.

This is why it has become so important to me to familiarize myself with quantum physics, metaphysics, and learning about human vibrations.

You see before there was words, before there was written language…there was symbols and vibration. These things are part of our foundation as humans. They are the most ancient and the original forms of communication.

I am a poet. A true word nerd. One of my favorite books of all time is….a thesaurus. But lately I find myself with a deep ache to forsake all forms of known language and connect with the world around me via vibration only. I am a poet. But this life has become so verbose. And that’s exhausting. The nature of language is such that it has an innate poverty. That is an unchangeable fate for language I’m afraid. And as someone word oriented that pains me, it frightens me but it also stirs a sense of adventure. An eager curiosity to imagine what life would be like with no words.

I think about lions. I am endlessly fascinated with big cats. I see them lying and conserving energy out on some arrid terrain while unfamiliar animals and other big cats move through their territory. I see them yawn and stretch. And that to me indicates relaxation. But many animal experts say this is also a sign of defense and aggression. A warning to other big cats that they’re not afraid to engage them if they feel threatened. These cues are understood vibrationally. Finely honed instincts that pick up on the subtlety of the surrounding frequencies.

I have talked before about my people pleasing tendencies. I am realizing this was a pattern set in motion for me by multiple traumas throughout my life. I grew up saturated in terror. And it was such a normal part of my everyday life I learned how to structure my behavior in a way that would keep me as safe as possible from the chaos around me.

Those vibrations in my developmental years shaped the flow of my behavior in the same way water carves out canyons. Sometimes violent bursts of water overtake natural boundaries and in a flash the course of a river is changed forever. Other times it’s just the trickling persistence that causes a gentle erosion.

And this is where I find myself. With authenticity and vulnerability as my guiding principles and undercurrents of tumult that is always tumbling and shaping me.

I long for cohesion. Like you I have many layers. And nearly all of them (that I am conscious of) are non-congruent to each other. I’m an enigma. Humans will forever be mysterious. Who you are can never be fully expressed or accurately perceived in just one lifetime. The best psychoanalysts of our time will only ever get their toes wet when it comes to wading in the waters of you.

And so here we are. In this liminal space. This threshold. The cusp of adventure.

I want to do my next adventures differently. I want to come into them differently. And, I want to do that from a space of as few words as possible.

I want to jump because I’m ready to jump. Not because of how jumping is explained to me or how I’ve talked myself into it. I want to leap into my next season from a heart-centered, vibrationally sensitive space.

I want to look back knowing I lived my life without feeling the need to explain it.

As I prepare to welcome this new life, this new little nephew I am older than when the first baby was born that made me an aunt. In this season of my life this birth feels like a herald to me. A beckoning to come meet the spirit of life at the table of a sovereignty that can never be articulated. Only observed. Perceived. Then tucked away as unspoken understanding. An unspoken understanding that unfolds like the slow and unrelenting discovery of the macrocosm.

Less words from me. That feels most fitting. It feels most freeing.

Cheers to liminality.

Cozett

October 26, 2020 0

A True Catalyst

99% of who you are as a person cannot be touched, smelled, tasted, heard or seen.

Sure, we have this outer shell with fleshy inner trappings.

But, “who”….you are emanates from your consciousness.

We must take care of our earth suits. Its imperative if we are to live out quality consciousness.

But….I submit the inner work is weightier than the body. (See what I did there?) Tee hee hee.

And, the inner work….and what you produce on the inside directly impacts how your body is able to express your consciousness.

I am all the more determined to keep diving and evolving, diving and evolving. Free diving into the quarry of my inner world, mining it and then seeing what comes loose and rises to the surface of my conscious awareness.

Interesting thing about quarries, we know they are pits that are dug out and mined and when they become abandoned they will usually fill with water. Limestone quarries produce these oceanic colored pools that are to me, irresistible to dive in and swim.

And that’s what most of us are like, right?? Abandoned quarries. Filled with beautiful pools that if we could see we would be so eager to dive into and find refreshing.

I want to encourage you this week to intentionally reflect on these questions:

1. What would it feel like to take a deep dive inside myself thru sitting quietly for 15 mintues or so and see what comes up?

There will be mind chatter, yes. But, our brains have a great deal of plasticity and can be trained to “sit and stay.” With practice of course.

2. Is there untapped potential within me that I don’t know about it?

3. What would it feel like if I made some self-discoveries that could change the course of my life for the better? Or enhance what I already enjoy?

My friends. There is more! 99% more!! Please don’t rob yourself by neglecting the practice of meditation and quietness for herein lies a true catalyst.

If you would like some guidance with meditation or would like to join me in meditating let me know!

If you have stories about how meditation has profoundly altered the course and enhanced the quality of your life please share it with me!

February 11, 2020 0

Healing The Past

On the path of self-actualization we understand that we are striving to be better. In that pursuit of betterment its common to reference the past. After all, this is from where we grow. Our past, good or bad or indifferent serves as a springboard or a contrast. It can show us who we no longer want to be and the emotional charge we have when we think about it can create the momentum needed to make progress toward actualizing.

As someone who is known as a listener I can think of basically three narratives I’ve heard concerning people’s past and how it shapes what they want for their future. The classic “bad” past, where pain functions as the prompt to betterment. We see this in a lot of famous motivational and inspirational speakers. The “good” past, where someone was fortunate enough to be born into a family or tradition that was conducive for growth and that person is so inspired by their forebears they want to build on the legacy they’ve been left. And, the “indifferent” past. Basically, its colorless. Normal ups and downs. But, the person feels that due to the lack of intensity in either direction they are somehow at a disadvantage to leave their mark on the world. And, so they are in a search for passion, purpose and meaning.

Recently, I’m thankful to have been experiencing profound growth. My character has been tested. My understanding of the world around me has grown. My emotions have been pummeled. The very foundations of “why” I think the way I do are being shaken. I’m growing. I’m moving toward betterment and away from deleterious thinking and behavior. And, now that I’m beginning to see a definite chasm between who I once was and who I’d like to think I am becoming I’ve noticed that my past is coming up seemingly out of the blue. Its as though its emerging from the recesses of me and saying, “remember me. I need help too. Please don’t forget I am part of your healing journey. I, your past, am not some character that deserves to be quarantined. I was once you. And, because of that I also deserve all the health that you are creating for the new you.”

Deep right? Painful? Wow. So much. Thankfully, about the time my past started stirring in my consciousness so did this theme of “compassion as medicine.” When I saw these two things emerging together I knew it was time to examine some of my behaviors and thinking from the past but not for the purpose of crucifying myself in some grand effort to be a better person. I intuitively understood that for me to forge ahead into this bright future I’m hoping for myself that I needed to, for the first time, show compassion and minister mercy to who I once was.

In thinking about healing from the past I discovered that I was presenting myself with only two options: “killing” the old me or coping better. Maybe you can identify with this? There are more options. Better options. I think its safe to say that many people who feel bound by the past often want that part of them or that part of their history to “die.” But, that isn’t a great option. Death is indicative of numbness and unfeeling. A sense of non-existence. But, I submit that feeling…deeply and intentionally and comprehensively could be a portal of sorts to freedom and growth. I want to challenge anyone who reads this…not to numb out. Your emotions are sacred. Your intuition is more trustworthy than you give it credit for and I believe it is in the feeling “through” that our true north can be found. Now, with that said don’t beat yourself for wanting to numb out!

I believe that in an effort to mute pain and to lend strength to the momentum of who we are becoming our wounded egos can sometimes cause us to segue to an unproductive mindset that says, “the new me, the stronger and better me must rush in and bitterly scourge my past self if the better me I’m becoming is to be valid.” This is actually quite common amongst deeply religious people. Those who feel they are on the highest quest to express their need for redemption are often the worst in their tendency to mutilate their inner being. When really their greatest need is healing. In my own experience I’ve discovered that this rush to scourge and chastise the past part of me was/is an effort to create peace and closure. Sounds counter-productive because it is! Once I recognized this I gave myself permission to not only feel through my past (notice I didn’t say “think through”) but to honor who I was at one time. This is very healing. Highly recommend it. At the end of the day we each make decisions based on our current state of enlightenment, education, emotional maturity, needs, and circumstances. And, I happen to naturally believe the best about people so I believe that we are all doing the best we can with what we have. Negative emotions of depression, anxiety, or regret do NOT carry the innate ability to compensate for a painful past. They only create a vicious cycle of self-defeating and self-sabotaging patterns.

If we want to honestly prime ourselves and position ourselves to be better its time to release the habit of going to dark places when striving for the light. Read that again, please? Its time to relearn how to do this thing called life. If you are a self-aware person you’ll know your patterns. And, I want to encourage you to start intentionally swapping negative mindsets and emotions for more life-giving ones. Give yourself time to feel through the past and the permission to honor who you once were. Just as you would honor the dearly departed and imperfect people who have been a part of your life you should also do this for yourself. It is a healing balm. And, as of now, what I believe the higher way to heal the past.

Here’s to the medicine of compassion. Salut.

January 26, 2020 0

The Serpent: Healing My Symbology

This evening in my meditation I found myself gently rolling my head. Clockwise, then counter clockwise. My mind was clear. The movement felt good for my tense neck and shoulders. There were a few moments that as I moved, my movements reminded me of a snake. In fact, when it first occurred to me, the word, “serpent” popped into my head. Creepy right?? But, what if its not creepy at all?

I began to journal. Honestly, I wanted to push the notion of identification with a serpent out of my head and focus on other things. I’ve been thinking lately about the concept of dualistic thinking. This box so many of us operate in. It’s a framework that says life is “us vs them” with comfort coming from feeling like one is a part of an inner circle. Once that is sensed their is a deceptive reassurance that one’s thoughts are all correct and that person feels justified and vindicated in thinking those outside are wrong.

My context: I am a white, middle-aged, southeastern American woman born in a small town and into a southern American Christian world. So, the value I ascribe to certain symbols are different than say a middle-eastern man or south African woman. If you share my context you will likely have already picked up on and experienced a sense of discomfort or unease or morbid curiosity when you saw the title of this blog and the reference of identifying with a serpent. Why? Because in my culture that is colored by the Christian Bible and the fact that we claim a savior who was Jewish our minds immediately refer to the negative connotations of the serpent in the Bible. From Genesis to Revelation the snake is given a bad rap. Really bad. In fact its image often represents Satan. The ultimate adversary of God and tormentor of humankind. In Genesis there is a prophecy that the offspring of Eve will bruise or crush the head of the serpent. We understand that offspring to be Jesus Christ and the serpent the devil. Only twice in scripture is the serpent presented in positive light. In Genesis the serpent is called, “more crafty, intelligent, cunning than any beast” and again while the children of Israel were wandering in the desert looking for the promised land there is an instance where “fiery serpents” entered the camps and killed and made sick many people. In order for them to be healed from this attack they were instructed to look upon the image of a serpent that had been crafted from brass. Needless to say I grabbed onto the positive symbology. More importantly…I allowed my mind to explore the biological characteristics of snakes. I’m very blessed to have done so and here’s why:

Growth-when it comes to growth in humans or animals the visual of that is so subtle you really can’t see it happening. Except when it comes snakes. The growth of a snake involves shedding it’s skin and that is something everyone can see. Can you imagine your skin coming off every time you have a revelation, make a good choice, learn something new or celebrate another birthday? Awkward. Scary looking. Startling. Right? Additionally, it puts the snake in a very vulnerable position. But growth spurts do that to us too right? It usually isn’t pretty when we shed old ideals, behaviors, patterns, etc.
Right before the serpent enters it’s first scene in the Bible where it is cursed for cajoling the woman into eating forbidden fruit that her eyes may be opened to the reality of evil as well as good, it receives a rave review. It is said to be the most crafty and intelligent and cunning animal elevating it’s intelligence above all other beasts. To me this is very moving. My childhood and adolescence held a running theme where my intelligence was constantly questioned. When I got in trouble the first words I heard from my grandfather was, “stupid, silly damn thing.” My grandmother’s words were a little less harsh. She would immediately say something to the effect of, “well you should have KNOWN better.” Because, all kids come automatically knowing right? And finally during the times when my mother orbited my life and we fought she would always say, “you’re not even old enough to have an opinion. You have no idea.” Now as an adult I find myself in a pursuit to be one of the greatest minds in history. Yeah, I know. My ability to “correctly” perceive and righteously act has hijacked the relaxation and fun and ignorant bliss I could have experienced thus far. I developed this obsessive umpire in my mind. Every moment of everyday I have discovered that I am judging each moment as either good or bad and I’ve robbed myself of simply being.
Had I never known this context I have found myself in, a white, southern Christian woman, I may have been conditioned and introduced to the imagery of the snake as the epitome of wisdom, a master of growth, a symbol of success, a representation of healthy sexuality, an expert hunter.
As I allowed my mind to open to these truths and additional meanings I began to feel a sense of pride rather than unease. I am…wise. I am one who is always growing and requiring more of myself and determined to stretch. I aspire to be a symbol of success, one with healthy sexuality and an expert hunter or provider for myself. I am serpent-like. My nimble movement inspires.

As a psychology student, an empathic person and aspiring professional counselor it is important to me to be relatable. I want people to feel open to me. And, I feel like one of the greatest medicines or gifts I can offer to myself…is healing my symbology. I want to take all the disowned and shamed symbols and revive them. I want to give them new meaning and the place of honor they deserve. On a practical level I want to not immediately have a negative connotation of someone who perhaps loves snakes or brings up dreams about morphing into a snake in their dreams during a counseling session. Healing my “seeing” better ensures my ability to be an agent of healing in the lives of others.

This year I have plans of shedding life-long patterns. And, I’m going to be honest and warn you. If you know me well, if you follow me on social media there are going to be times my shedding is visible. And, that may look weird or make you uncomfortable. But, I am determined to stretch. I am determined to enjoy the feel of a new skin. One that is more pliable and more suited to the joys of experiencing growth.

So, starting off 2020 I’ve healed at least one symbol and made new room in my mind and heart to better understand the world around me.

I am serpent. And, I’m healing my symbology.

January 6, 2020 0

Below The Surface

I think one of the reasons self-hatred is so sneaky is because it’s not something that the ego will allow. Or, if it does allow it certainly won’t allow you to consciously acknowledge it.

My childhood and adolescence was very disempowering. I was given no scaffolding to grow. I was taught that my feelings didn’t matter and that I wasn’t capable of having an opinion.

While I didn’t really think that I believed these things as an adult my behaviors and boundaries have told a different story.

Sitting quietly. Allowing my mind to explore and acknowledge some bad decisions I’ve made that I knew would cost me peace and physical health has been very empowering and transformative.

In these times of meditation I’ve been able to go below the surface of my loudest thoughts and beliefs into the deeper places that are harder to sound. Places in my mind that are like long abandoned, dusty, ancient libraries. This exploration is like walking into a room where no one has been in millenia. It has a stillness that is unfamiliar. It feels profound. It stirs a curiosity as to why it’s so unvisited. And, therein lies a powerful truth. Noise. Loudness. Disruption. Turmoil. Discord. Those are the things that get attention. And why is that? We are wired for self-preservation. Whenever anything threatening comes up that is where all of our focus goes. Unfortunately, our modern lives operate on the premise of scarcity even though we are surrounded by abundance. More is always being required of us. More hours at work. More patience because someone or something is always trying us. And, we find ourselves in a rhythm where we exist in operating in the loud areas of our minds.

Yet there is better for us. There is a richness we are sacrificing. There is wisdom and love and understanding that we are exchanging for desperation and fight or flight. We are pushed to perform everyday of our lives and the concept of just “being” is becoming more foreign by the day.

I am determined to spend more time in this transcendent and quiet place where there are messages of empowerment. I’m tapping into a confidence in my long neglected inner compass. I’m positioned to honor my intuition. I’m becoming comfortable enforcing my boundaries. I’m feeling hopeful and eager and optimistic about uncovering the hidden aspects of me and all the ways I’m going to be strengthened by these discoveries The mind

January 5, 2020 0

The way “I” operate.

All of these words are my inner conversation. Every day without fail they are front of mind. This is more of a revealing rather than an admonishment. Admonishments are counter productive.

FREEDOM

Be true to yourself.

Be authentic.

Be open.

Be honest.

Be sensitive to the energy of others

Be kind. Always kind. Genuinely kind.

Love people. All people. Show them you love them.

Encourage study.

Encourage exploration.

Set an example of each study and exploration.

Set an example of humility and don’t argue with people who have argumentative spirits.

Debate with the respectable.

Spar with the one who endeavors to judge rightly.

Struggle along with that one and so help myself and that person as well as those we influence come to clearer more just conclusions.

Always be open to chance encounters with those who surprise in the most of unusual of fashion.

Be kind.

Be smart.

Be a life long learner and pliable when new understandings and truths take hold of my culture.

Be sincere. Make sure others know I am sincere. Even, if I am unable to perform their desire of me.

Be smart.

Be kind.

Love people. All people. Genuinely and authentically marveling at the diversity of God’s creation. Finding the good in everyone. Show them you love them.

Don’t fall for philosophies, insults, or blanket statements. They are energy traps set by the unfortunately ignorant.

Understand that those who are deceived have their own path. In spite of my enlightenment I will refrain at all times from trying to impose my truth on anyone. Even if I know it would be helpful and show them a better way.

Truth is something that must be sought more than spoken. Once spoken truth becomes a sign for people to rail against.

Trust God. Trust Holy Spirit. Trust that Jesus has been successful in His mission. And, allow people the dignity of the process of truth.

Allow. People. The. Dignity. Of. The Process….of truth. Do not interfere. Period.

Be genuine.

Be kind.

Love people. All people.

Let them come to me. Let them come to you. Understanding is something that is sought. Not assumed. And, if certain people are unable to journey beyond assuming that doesn’t mean they are mine (or yours) to rescue and right.

Freedom. This. This is freedom and the way I govern my life.

These tenets you will not find me straying from.

If you want me, need me or wish to speak to me….you know where I am. Right in the middle of freedom.

June 18, 2019