Cozett Contemplates: Your Write To Heal…

Cozett Contemplates writing to heal trauma…

For trauma survivors it’s hard to feel like you can ever again be fully safe. High-alert is a constant state of being. And, appearing relaxed and “normal” becomes a survival skill.

This has been one of my most honed life skills. I learned early on that to show disquiet…distress…or to speak out…would rock the boat. The fact is, is that when people become uncomfortable…things slow down as they try figure out:

1. What’s wrong with the person who’s upset?
2. How do I feel about what I’m hearing and seeing from this traumatized person?
3. Do I believe what I’m being told by this person?
4. How can I help in ways that won’t disrupt my own life?
5. Should I reach out to others to aid me if I help this person?
6. Are there problems too much for me and should I just keep moving and trust someone else will help?

These are just a few of the processes people sort through when thinking about how to help the traumatized.

As you can see not only are trauma survivors sorting through a lot of emotions and questions but so are those with whom we open to.

Because of all those processes and the time and energy it takes I decided as a child that I wouldn’t seek help. I couldn’t waste energy getting rejected over and over by people who didn’t have the capacity to hold space for me. I needed that energy to keep moving. Because life doesn’t stop. Even for the wounded.

As I’ve sojourned into middle-age and resolved to become more authentic, unapologetic, shameless, proactive, and courageous….I face the challenge that vulnerability brings.

Vulnerability, even for non-traumatized individuals is hard. But, as someone who has known what it is to be stripped bare of any ability to trust and feel safe it is especially…hard. I know I’m not alone with this?

This is the original reason I began to write to begin with. It was never because I thought I was good at it, or because it was a hobby for my free time. It was never because I had writing peers or was part of a book club or even a poetry lover! If you know my poetic soul that may seem surprising. 😆

I began to write because there weren’t enough tears. I couldn’t cry enough to even come close to releasing and processing all I’d been through and was going through.

I had so much pent up pain and agony that I needed the entirety of my being to release and cry as much as I did it just wasn’t cleansing me.

So I took to my keyboard. While hot tears streaked my face the fire of my words set ablaze my laptop and phone screens.

I held nothing back. There was no person who could hold space for me….so I created my own space. Private. Free from scrutiny. And it was as wide and as long and as endless as my pain.

My writing space could hold everything. And therefore it could hold me.

I want to encourage you today, if you’re a trauma survivor to know that even when humans can’t hold space for you…that there is a wide open and endless space available to you that can be curated by and for you.

Maybe you’re not looking to publish but you would like to heal? And you’d like to not do that alone?

I’m offering spaces for you. If you’d like to write to heal…alongside me….I’d be honored to hold, share and lead that space.

Reach out to me if this sounds like something your soul is calling for and together we will create the space for you to be held, seen, understood.

I love you. I really do.

Cozett Dunn

#cozettcontemplates #traumasurvivor #writingtherapy #lifecoach #author #healer #traumahealing #traumarecovery #traumainformed #mentalhealthmatters

May 28, 2023 0

Authentic…Unto Death

Sitting here in the dark, dimly lit bedroom I’ll soon never sleep in again. I’ve spent the last 20 minutes sitting with my chunky headphones on listening to, “Return to Innocence” by Enigma on repeat and watching Talia sleep. I’m still processing the last 24 hours when she became suddenly blind. If the past 3 years have taught me anything it is to slow down and spend prolonged time taking in the people, animals, and good memories made.

I stink, I’m sweaty and not even gonna shower before I fall asleep. But, my Talia…she’s blind. And, now I finally realize and regret my own blindness. I’ve allowed everything and everyone to get in the way of me living my life in a more rooted way. A more earthy way. That’s all we really have you know?

A few years ago I read a web article about pet euthanasia. The majority of pets who experience euthanasia do so in the company of the techs and vet and staff because it’s so hurtful to see your fur baby/child to transition in front of you. And, that was absolutely my mindset. But, a few techs and vets weighed in and offered an alternative perspective on pet euthanasia.   They all stated that while they completely understand why pet owners don’t want to be there to witness the event and that they will always respect people’s grief process, they long to see more pet owners be present. Pets have a very small circle of family and friends. In the short span of their lives they will live in a home with family and friends who come and go. So they may only know maybe 10 people give or take for their entire lives. They never get a break from us, haha. But, the thing is they never feel smothered and if it was possible they would stay within our shadow and by our sides every single second for a millenia. Their love and devotion is bottomless, untiring, ever cheerful, ever patient, ever thrilled to hear our voice, see our face, smell our scent. Whether it’s the first time they sniff you or the millionth time their enthusiasm never diminishes or fades, it only brings their hearts that much closer to ours.   They only ever love us more every day they’re alive.

When I read this a light went off. Talia loves me with everything in her. You can literally feel her love energy. And while I am her #1 favorite human she’s like this about any human she’s ever met. Instantly warm, curious, and gentle hoping for some affection and a new friendship. She has never been scared of anything. Loud sounds, thunder storms, shrieks of little ones playing or crying.

In fact when it thunderstorms sometimes she and I go out on the porch and I sit her in my lap and we watch the lightning and feel the rain spray in gently and coolly upon our bodies and faces. When it lightnings I can see the spray on her fur and it looks like dew.

She intently looked up at the sky and followed the lightning streaks with her eyes. Sniffing the wind occasionally for some wild scents. Never flinching, squirming, or tense. Relaxed, intrigued, longing to see what it would feel like up in the sky above her. She is such a brave old girl. Car rides? She loves them. Going for a walk on a leash? Yes, please.

My constant companion whom has shown me much greater and deeper love than the majority of humans who have been in my life.

Because of this I resolved that when the day comes if I am able to have any forewarning of her passing I will hold her in my arms and sing her her favorite lullabys. I’ve reworded I don’t know how many songs to include her name and take her beautiful gentle life into adventure stories, sleepy time songs, and of course my doting love songs over my precious cat. I will stay by her side just like she has mine. My arms, hands, scent and voice, touch, body warmth and love….as much love as any human could ever possibly hold…my love for her will be the last experience she has here. She never left my side and I’ll never leave hers either. Ever. I’ll be holding her and kissing her little knobby head and singing to her until she’s in the arms of the angels.

Her gentleness is like her own cottony fur. So tender and soft you can hardly even feel it touching your skin. She’s so tiny. At the time of this writing she weighs about 6 lbs. She’s a bit underweight even though she’s small.   I’m not entirely sure what breeds she’s made from but she has a tortoise siamese colored coat and deep, dark blue eyes (that now look a bit purple in her blindness). And she’s very short, low to the ground, haha. And her little tail is short. She’s built like a munchkin but has the coat and eyes of a Siamese.

Her little multi-colored paws look like they are ringed in caramel. And she loves belly rubs. And 99% of the time doesn’t attack my hand. That 1% though….she’s got a streak. I guess if she didn’t she wouldn’t have been able to put up with mine and Margo Holder s crap all these years, hahaha. Margo often says that Talia is her spirit animal and believe me when I say, she is not wrong.

At any rate, beyond all of this the last 24 hours of her going suddenly completely blind has opened my eyes to something I’ve decided I want to do that will likely seem odd to more people than not. But, that’s how I roll anyway.

I have deep regrets about not spending as much time with my family and friends as I’d like to. I’ve allowed life to get in the way. And if I allow life to be a stumbling block…what will that mean at death?

For many years now I’ve casually researched death doulas. Most people don’t even know what a doula is much less a death doula. Now, I’m not saying I want to be or am going to be a death doula by profession. But, there are some facets of their work that I am going to implement where it’s appropriate and of course permissible.

I have decided that I want my heart to break wide open and hold my family and friends in my arms as they transition so that it is my hands, my arms, my energy, my truest and deepest love for them to be what they are enveloped in as they transition.

I’ve always been a lover. A hugger…to the point of extreme and strange awkwardness.

But, how can I apologize for that? And, for what reason should I reign it in? Covid-19 wiped millions of people off this planet in the blink of an eye comparatively speaking. And, not just Covid, but wars, disasters, political rhetoric that has risen to the point that brother is against brother. I long for the day to see field upon field joined to pastures and woodlands filled with a great many more plowshares. As it is, sheaths clamor and tremble longing for the bloodied blades to return again for fear of being found guilty before God as being accomplices.

Blood is crying out from the ground but we can’t hear it because the main stream has become the main scream and their volume has driven us to deafness. Our ears dull and listening unskilled. Our mouths boastful, arrogant and insisting on our own rights, or beliefs to be looked at as the pinnacle of truth even if it means the death of another human who doesn’t agree.

No. This world isn’t for me. So, from this point forward I’m going my own way. I’m about to do everything in my life the weirdest and most unconventional way as possible.

Life is valuable. It is precious. Sacred. Holy in its own right. How could I betray it by living anything less than 1000% authentically to who I am, to what my level and intensity of love is like, to cleave to my own philosophies formed circumspectly and carefully? How could I ever be ok with exchanging even the weirdest things about me in lieu of making myself more acceptable?   Life is too short for that. It’s too brilliantly faceted for that. I am committed to being my different self no matter what that looks like or who it may trouble.   Doing death differently…addressing the deeper, intangible components of dying and watching life transform as its vehicle weakens…is when you know you’re a catalyst and have just changed your own trajectory. Forever. I will never be the same after these last 3 years and it took my dear Talia’s blindness to open my eyes to the truth that it is in fact how life should be lived so that when we settle into the arms of death we will embrace it regretless and with the sense of an old dear friend who has come to pay a visit.

I am different. Unto death.

My desire is to be the most open, accepting, loving, heart-centered person you know.   And, if I can be that then don’t thank me or give me any accolades. Thank Margo Holder, my mamaw, my nieces and nephews, my parents, my brothers, and my intimate friends. Because it is them who have shaped me and shown me how weird love is, how unconditional it can feel, and the powerful relief it offers when you’re in the worst pain of your life. We aren’t perfect. None of us are. And far be it from me to close my mind and heart to this human experience.

We are all walking miracles. Our pets included.

August 13, 2022 0

King Mentality

These are truly the days of dreams and visions for me. This is yet another middle of the night post. Creativity seems to have saturated every cell of my body. When I’m awake I’m stewing on manifesting my wildest dreams. When I’m asleep I have vivid and highly metaphorical dreams.

And in the liminality of the 3 to 6 am time period I am inundated with vision.

So…what is Cozett contemplating at 4:19 am on a Tuesday morning? The power and beauty of healthy masculinity. And how we can heal our world through the vehicle of it.

The words, “king mentality” kept rolling around in my thoughts so I began to ponder on what it could mean. What the implications are of such a mentality, what it looks like, and how it can be extracted from centuries of toxic masculinity and off the rails patriarchy. Naturally, “queen mentality” is the balancer of these mindsets and I will get to that soon.

But right now I have a grand idea. There are so many books in me. This concept is one of them. I feel it’s crucial for our forward movement as a global society. So with that said please pray that I will have the energy, patience and commitment to see this project through to publishing? It’s important. I promise.

All of humanity looks to its past examples of heralded leaders to influence its future course. It had occurred to me that men who are alive in 2021 and reading this are in a unique and exceptional position at this point in the human race. There are golden opportunities for men in 2021 that’s never been available to them until now. Believe it or not if you are a masculine…I truly believe you are alive and reading this for a very special reason and purpose. You were meant to see this post. Your inner battle cry has been heard. Your dreams are important. Your positive impact can be immeasurable. You are so needed. Needed but also free. Free to reign like the king you are IF you recognize what’s being drawn out of the depths of who you are. You’re being summoned to greatness. Not like the greatness of the past. Not like the greatness of Nebuchadnezzar, or Tutankhamun, or King James, or John Wayne, etc.

No. 2020 served us all up something that will have lasting implications for many lifetimes after this blog is posted and my book is (hopefully) published.

There is not one human life on the earth that hasn’t been touched by the Covid-19 pandemic. Whether you got sick, know someone who did, mourned someone who died from it…or never got sick, never knew anyone who did and never knew of anyone who died from it and was just irritated by the inconvenience and media coverage of it. It has affected us all at some level. This should be a common ground for us all. So don’t lose sight of the value of other humans who wave to you from the other end of the spectrum.

So where am I going with all of this? This post is a kick-off of sorts for some research I’m going to undertake to interview men from every country of the world. I am blessed to have an international readership and YouTube community. I’m so grateful that nearly every single day I am having interesting, if brief, interactions with people from dozens of different countries, religions, and socio-economic contexts. I talk with people who belong to tribes, live in villages, live in remote places, and have wildly different opinions and world views from my own.

And, I LOVE the tension that is held between my own values and opinions and those of the people who have such different views. You really can enjoy the company and pressure that sometimes comes from such diversity. The secret to the thrill and enjoyment of such company is that you each share 2 core values. #1. Love of humanity. #2. An open mind that isn’t hostile to being challenged. In other words an ego that is in check. If you share just these 2 things…you can enjoy the company of any human regardless of differences. Talk about opening up new worlds right?? An incredibly rich opportunity to see the world through someone else’s eyes and hear the heartbeat of the earth with someone else’s ears. To feel perceive and sense with a skin other than your own. Is that not exciting??

On July 27th 2021 I am eager to discover who the kings of the 3rd millenium are. They do not rule like their forefathers did.

If you’re familiar with the term, “divine feminine” you probably understand that after thousands of years of masculine rule we have and are shifting into the era of the divine feminine. The pendulum has swung and the future is female. It’s not just a nifty feminist soundbite. It’s the natural progression of the course of humanity. I am stoked to be a woman pioneering in this age. And because I recognize it I want to make sure I do it right so I can be the trailblazer that this wild and wonderful Universe has called me to be.

I want to be a divine feminine who helps set the stage for a better society for women and girls. But in wisdom I perceive this can’t be done by “stripping men of their power and puking in the face of patriarchy.” (As much as I have wanted to at times, admittedly.) No. The wise woman is a healer. And healers are seers of sorts. They can perceive wounds that others can’t. They can see the wounds of people who don’t even know they carry them. That is one thing that the masculine era taught us. To disconnect from our pain. Because pain is weakness and weakness is vulnerability and vulnerability does not perpetuate the human race.

So how can I best serve women and girls and the feminine collective? I can do this by reaching out to the masculine collective and encourage them to come up higher. I mean that’s one of the largest roots of societal problems around the world right? The majority of ALL violence is committed by men. Rapes, wars, murders, oppression, religious domination, originated and have been perpetuated largely by men. All of those things are symptoms. Not that men are bad. Not that patriarchy is by nature toxic. No. Patriarchy is fatherhood. Good fathers are indeed like shepherds. Protectors. Nurturers. We’ve been given a bad example. We have been living for thousands of centuries with toxic masculinity. But it only exists because of wounds and to some degree the early drives to survive and escape dinosaurs and such.

So this is one of my plans to make the world a better place. I want to hear from YOU.

What in your mind is a king?

What in your mind defines healthy masculinity?

Who have been positive masculine examples in your life? Whether personally or perhaps some public figure.

As we dance into the feminine era and tap in to all the mysterious and esoteric wisdom, and healing it offers…I still wanna hear it…for the boy…(Song: Let’s hear it for the boy by Deniece Williams.)

#divinemasculine #divinefeminine #cozettcontemplates #divinefemininerising #patriarchy #toxicmasculinity #inspiration #blogger #writer #international #King #KingMentality #Queen #queenmentality

July 27, 2021 0

Don’t Suffer The Pain Of Inaction: One Percent More

Today you have an opportunity. Today you have the ability to do 1% more than you did yesterday to achieve your goals and live out your wildest dreams.

For me I’ve always feared the regret of inaction more than the fear of taking the wrong action.

I’ve seen first hand how analysis paralysis and indecision can negatively impact the future of a person. Analysis paralysis is cousin to fear. And, I hate that whole family 

Today I’m issuing you another call to courage. To believe in yourself and your massive intuitive abilities. You CAN trust yourself. YOU are your greatest resource. But, how can you discover the gold mine that is you if you refuse to explore and tap into who you suspect yourself to be.

Are you really that great?? Yes. Yes, you are.

You see it is the core of who you are that is a gift to the world. Unfortunately, from the day we are born until the day we die that core us covered over every day with layers of obligations that are NOT in alignment with our ultimate purpose or deepest desires.

Is it not a gift to be a good son, daughter, wife, husband, aunt, sibling, community organizer activist, etc? Of course it is! But, the secret to a fulfilled life and achieved destiny is not to be these things to the detriment of your soul’s calling.

None of the roles that you operate in should eclipse the expression of your most authentic self. They can be beautiful vehicles for that expression to be sure. But, if you ever find yourself feeling lost to motherhood, fatherhood, being a boss, being a religious leader or whatever then that is a key indicator that your role has eclipsed your soul.

Maybe you’ve been wading around in indecision for a long time. Years perhaps. Maybe you’ve been saying to yourself that if you just had a sign then that would be your permission to set yourself free of all that holds you back. With that said…here’s your sign.

I love you. And I don’t want to see you sacrifice the great adventure that is wrapped up and encoded in your DNA. I don’t want to see you suffer and come to me in counseling one day for the, “I wish I would have…”

My message to you is, “just do it already!” Dive! Take that break. Take that vacation. Open your mind to the things that intrigue you but scare you at the same time because you’re afraid of what people would think…if they knew you…thought.

This is YOUR life and you don’t owe it to anyone. Your life is your own. It’s your puzzle, your mystery, your source of delight, your source of endless curiosity, your compass, your vehicle for radically experiencing planet Earth. The planet is a beautiful and wild place. There are people just waiting for you to cross their path and set them free. To show them the lessons you’ve learned. To offer your depth of insight from the life you’ve learned.

But how will you ever experience that. That satisfaction. If you won’t allow yourself to move forward?

I’m gonna keep issuing this call until there is an entire global revolution at my feet. I can promise you that. It is part of my destiny and wildest dreams to help you achieve yours.

Love,
Cozett

July 18, 2021 0

Healing The Past

On the path of self-actualization we understand that we are striving to be better. In that pursuit of betterment its common to reference the past. After all, this is from where we grow. Our past, good or bad or indifferent serves as a springboard or a contrast. It can show us who we no longer want to be and the emotional charge we have when we think about it can create the momentum needed to make progress toward actualizing.

As someone who is known as a listener I can think of basically three narratives I’ve heard concerning people’s past and how it shapes what they want for their future. The classic “bad” past, where pain functions as the prompt to betterment. We see this in a lot of famous motivational and inspirational speakers. The “good” past, where someone was fortunate enough to be born into a family or tradition that was conducive for growth and that person is so inspired by their forebears they want to build on the legacy they’ve been left. And, the “indifferent” past. Basically, its colorless. Normal ups and downs. But, the person feels that due to the lack of intensity in either direction they are somehow at a disadvantage to leave their mark on the world. And, so they are in a search for passion, purpose and meaning.

Recently, I’m thankful to have been experiencing profound growth. My character has been tested. My understanding of the world around me has grown. My emotions have been pummeled. The very foundations of “why” I think the way I do are being shaken. I’m growing. I’m moving toward betterment and away from deleterious thinking and behavior. And, now that I’m beginning to see a definite chasm between who I once was and who I’d like to think I am becoming I’ve noticed that my past is coming up seemingly out of the blue. Its as though its emerging from the recesses of me and saying, “remember me. I need help too. Please don’t forget I am part of your healing journey. I, your past, am not some character that deserves to be quarantined. I was once you. And, because of that I also deserve all the health that you are creating for the new you.”

Deep right? Painful? Wow. So much. Thankfully, about the time my past started stirring in my consciousness so did this theme of “compassion as medicine.” When I saw these two things emerging together I knew it was time to examine some of my behaviors and thinking from the past but not for the purpose of crucifying myself in some grand effort to be a better person. I intuitively understood that for me to forge ahead into this bright future I’m hoping for myself that I needed to, for the first time, show compassion and minister mercy to who I once was.

In thinking about healing from the past I discovered that I was presenting myself with only two options: “killing” the old me or coping better. Maybe you can identify with this? There are more options. Better options. I think its safe to say that many people who feel bound by the past often want that part of them or that part of their history to “die.” But, that isn’t a great option. Death is indicative of numbness and unfeeling. A sense of non-existence. But, I submit that feeling…deeply and intentionally and comprehensively could be a portal of sorts to freedom and growth. I want to challenge anyone who reads this…not to numb out. Your emotions are sacred. Your intuition is more trustworthy than you give it credit for and I believe it is in the feeling “through” that our true north can be found. Now, with that said don’t beat yourself for wanting to numb out!

I believe that in an effort to mute pain and to lend strength to the momentum of who we are becoming our wounded egos can sometimes cause us to segue to an unproductive mindset that says, “the new me, the stronger and better me must rush in and bitterly scourge my past self if the better me I’m becoming is to be valid.” This is actually quite common amongst deeply religious people. Those who feel they are on the highest quest to express their need for redemption are often the worst in their tendency to mutilate their inner being. When really their greatest need is healing. In my own experience I’ve discovered that this rush to scourge and chastise the past part of me was/is an effort to create peace and closure. Sounds counter-productive because it is! Once I recognized this I gave myself permission to not only feel through my past (notice I didn’t say “think through”) but to honor who I was at one time. This is very healing. Highly recommend it. At the end of the day we each make decisions based on our current state of enlightenment, education, emotional maturity, needs, and circumstances. And, I happen to naturally believe the best about people so I believe that we are all doing the best we can with what we have. Negative emotions of depression, anxiety, or regret do NOT carry the innate ability to compensate for a painful past. They only create a vicious cycle of self-defeating and self-sabotaging patterns.

If we want to honestly prime ourselves and position ourselves to be better its time to release the habit of going to dark places when striving for the light. Read that again, please? Its time to relearn how to do this thing called life. If you are a self-aware person you’ll know your patterns. And, I want to encourage you to start intentionally swapping negative mindsets and emotions for more life-giving ones. Give yourself time to feel through the past and the permission to honor who you once were. Just as you would honor the dearly departed and imperfect people who have been a part of your life you should also do this for yourself. It is a healing balm. And, as of now, what I believe the higher way to heal the past.

Here’s to the medicine of compassion. Salut.

January 26, 2020 0